To be so incredibly worn down. I am not fun mum

[Wrappleschat82]

I have two dc. Ds is 10 and has ASD.
Dd is 3 and Does. Not. Stop.
She is up at 6am and does not go to sleep until gone 9pm. She dropped her nap at 12 months old and doesn’t seem to need much sleep. She’s just 3 and I cannot get her into the preschool nursery at my son’s school until September.
It is absolutely relentless. 7 days a week, 15 hours a day. I am so very tired - also my house is an absolute tip. Dd is gorgeous but she is always ‘on’. Like most 3 year olds I suppose, she isn’t super physically active like ds was but she wants someone to play with all the time, every second of the day. Trying to get things like ironing done is just impossible and I get no break in the evening because by the time she’s finally asleep and ds js in bed I’m ready for bed myself.
I just want some breathing space so badly. I’m really disappointed in the type of mother I am - I am not fun. I am tired and worn down and so so so bored. I am typing this in the bathroom but dd is sat the other side of the door shouting for me.

I love my dc but I have lost myself absolutely.

Sorry - it’s a moan really. I know it’ll pass. School is only really 18 months away and preschool will be good come September. It’s just really really hard work right now.

Chant 'this too will pass' to yourself. Because it will and knowing that things do change can help make acceptance of the present hell more bearable.

I know exactly how you feel.

However... stop thinking you must be 'fun'. To your children, you're incredible. They love playing with you!

Yes and I will really miss her when she goes to preschool and then school. I just need a few hours off to breathe.

I’m an introvert as well and I just find it all a bit suffocating. I think if she went to bed at 7ish it wouldn’t be so bad. It’s the long days that are the killer. When ds gets in at 3.30 it’s still six hours until bedtime. That thought often makes me want to cry.

You could set an alarm so you will play with her for X time then it’s mummys time. I also used to have to put myself in time out behind the stair gate when my DD just wouldn’t leave me alone

Why don't you turn house cleaning into a game? Then you can complete your chores whilst she 'sort' of helps?
Or maybe get your DD her own toy iron and she can iron 'dolls cloths' whilst mummy irons 'everyone's clothes' ?
Hope this helps

I’m just not good at the sort of play she wants to do.
I can do books and board games and jigsaws and making things - I can even do craft, with glitter.

It’s making little dolls talk to each other (although she usually tells me what they have to say anyway) that makes me lose the will to live in about ten minutes. It’s so dull. Unfortunately it’s this type of play that dd really really loves - sylvanian families, doll’s house, shopkins, barbies, playmobil. All that kind of thing.

Preschool. It may only be for a term before she starts at the school nursery, but it will be the much needed break for you as well as great fun for her.

Create a 'new game' like I suggested say to her mummy tired of this game but mummy has a new one that she would really enjoy 😊

I have a none sleeping 3 year old DD. Nothing has helped us getting her to sleep earlier but YouTube sleep hypnosis videos help make it less fraught.

Also lots of walking. Walk to shop and park and home. We did 13,000 steps yesterday according to my phone. She was asleep at 8:30 as opposed to 9:30. Still up at 6:30 mind

Yes I try and wear her out. The danger is - if we’ve been out somewhere - she then has ten minutes nap in the car. That results in an 11pm bedtime.
Last week we did 4 hours in soft play. She then shut her eyes for less than ten minutes on the way home, 11.45pm she went to sleep.

She has just had her dinner and is now demanding to play again. I could cry. Dh still not back.

And by this time of day im so tired. Ds wants my attention too and it’s all just too much. I want them to go away!

Does she like audio books?

You cannot run on empty. You need to recharge. You will then be fun mum. Find a childminder and get her in. You need my social worker - I adopted and little one is just like yours and I also felt it wouldn't be right to pass over care. Luckily in adoption they are big on SELF CARE so she forced me to get a break. Please can I do the same to you.
Secondly, I hate to worry you but adhd might be a possibility and melatonin might help her sleep a little more. Worth a visit to the GP to discuss (will take about 6 months to get anywhere with this).
Anyway. I hear you. It's tough. Get a childminder get some rest.

I hate that kind of play too.

I've found I prefer playing catch or frisbee for hours, or football-dribbling races, or throwing endless stones into ponds, or ANYTHING rather than pretend play.

Personally I wouldn't hesitate to put her into any decent nursery just for the summer term. By 3 they get bored at home, which is why she is pestering you - nursery would keep her busy and give you a break.

Your DP sounds useless, obviously.

Christ, that sounds exhausting. You have my sympathy. Does she play doctors? Where you lie on the sofa and she wraps bandages around you? Sorry, clutching at straws...

Pre school nursery is a ten hour day that'll wear her out. Forget school pre school 9-3 is for wimps ;)

Could you join her in a weekly class for a term after Easter? Something for 0 - 3s, or 3 - 5s? There are loads on offer at my local sports centre, and I seem to remember my DD doing some music and movement type thing. It won't change your life, but might give you an opportunity to sit down with a cup of tea and chat to an adult. Might also help her with her socialisation skills before she starts nursery in September.

I meant to add try a visual timetable , when I have done this I will play with you . Is there any activities she will do alone . Set her up with play doh for example while you get something else done , put in action songs for her to follow after a certain time bring things down reading books quietly , playing in room

DD1 was like this. She dropped her nap early and wanted me to play all day. I was pg/had a newborn DD2 for most of it. Relentless. It was a massive struggle.

But she's 6 now and at school and all she wants to do when she gets home is watch TV or draw. And DD2 and DS are super chilled out and nap loads (for now).

You have my sympathies.

I have a partner but he doesn’t do much with the kids. He works long hours

He works long hours. HE works long hours. Bet he gets to pee in peace. Twat.

We go out quite a lot. We go to three classes and one playgroup type thing. She’s very sociable and makes friends quite quickly, although she prefers playing with me because I do what she tells me! Other 3 year olds are less adaptive but she will learn this at preschool.

I did wonder about adhd but she just seems to need little sleep. She doesn’t get grumpy or anything. She’s just not tired. She also isn’t always on the go physically, it’s more mentally. If I’m playing with her she can play - literally - for hours.

I just can’t find anything she wants to do on her own for any length of time. If I give her play doh she likes it but wants me to help and if I don’t wanders off. She’s a monkey for emptying drawers everywhere too. If I’m trying to get something done she will then quite often be going round taking everything out if the cupboards and drawers. Not in a naughty way, in a bored way I think.

What does she do if you put her to bed earlier? It might be worth persisting with an earlier bed time, even if she doesn't go to sleep. My son goes to bed at 7-7:30 and is still awake at gone 10 some nights but he plays in his room until he falls asleep

You absolutely need to put her in playschool, first to save your sanity and second so that she learns to negotiate with peers. Playing with you is teaching her nothing about getting along with others and driving you nuts. This is a no brainier. Enrol her.

Your H needs to stay home and do evenings or be given an ultimatum that involves visitation every other weekend.

OP, you sound completely lovely and amazing, and I don't mean what I have to say as a dig ... BUT ... you are really doing your daughter no long-term favours with all this pandering to her demands. She will go to nursery, school or whatever, and the whole 'centre of the world' thing just won't wash there.
You must start to pull back. Accommodate the playing for a certain length of time, but then be strict about having mummy time. Sure, she won't like it, but that's life

Also, she will struggle in her friendships if this continues. She won't be able to instruct her friends to make the dolls say this, or do that! As adults playing with kids, we bend to their will. Their peers will not.

I think for your sanity some tough love must be needed no? Just say no to playing. And let the whining continue. She’s not in pain. She’s not in distress. She’s not even uncomfortable. She’s just upset because you have said no and pushed her out of her comfort zone. Keep saying no for set times during the day. Mummy will NOT play before X. Mummy will play when the alarm goes from X to Y. She sounds stubborn like many toddlers (I have one of those). But if you are truly truly consistent she will get the message. Just keep saying ‘No DD now play by herself.’ Or as I do ‘play by self.’ Eventually hounding you will get boring. Learning to occupy and entertain oneself is a really vital life skill and the earlier she learns it, the better.