To not have a set bedtime routine for DC?

[mcjx]

Could this ever work in the long run? Have any of you ever tried it or did it happen naturally?

I'm not talking about a teen DC here. More like a child between the ages of 2-5.

Just really curious as to what everyone thinks is "normal" for a child around that age.

Your monkeys, your Circus.

But I find my monkeys are much better with a bed time or else the Circus would be a total shit show.

My neighbours did so she could see her DC. Then they slept til midday - easier for GM who watched then whilst she worked. But had huge issues when the eldest started school. Now they've shifted to a more "normal" routine.

My niece didn't have much routine she's now approaching 8 doesn't go to sleep until 10-11 every night. She struggles in school, every morning and looks tired constantly

Luckily my kids need their beds most nights by 7.30 sometimes closer to 8 but the thought of not having that time in the evenings isn't an arrangement I fancy

I’m not militant but I do have a set bedtime for mine (4 and 2) and I think it’s important. They need a decent amount of sleep and I need my evening! Mine go to bed about 7/7.15 after a bath (most nights but not every) and a few stories. It’s the way it’s always been since a few months old and they never argue about it, I don’t have any trouble or battles getting them to bed. I think kids quite like the consistency. Like I say I’m not militant about it and don’t mind being flexible sometimes but on the whole we stick to it. They’re tired by 7 and I want to have some downtime myself before bed to watch stuff on tv and talk to dh.

I'm sorry, but in my opinion I think that children do need routine, at any age. I feel that they need to know what's coming next to feel secure. It allows them to wind down and sleep well (and we all know how vital sleep is for overall health and brain development never mind mood). Also, I've always loved playing in the bath, stories and a few gentle songs with lights out by 7/730 at that age.

Even my DS 14 and DS 12 have a bed routine (same time on school nights, reading before lights out etc).

Mind you, I have heard of some children who are home schooled and fit into their own, looser routine .

Children need routine in my opinion. My 2 year old is in bed between 7.30 and 8pm every night.

I've been talking about this with a friend. She has a 2 year old who stays up for as long as she likes, doesn't have a set bedtime just goes whenever she wants.

I don't think I'm wrong in thinking surely this can't be good in the long term for her DD, especially when she starts nursery/school.

Just a disclaimer, I'm not being judgemental here before anyone starts to flame me. I'm just curious as to what the routine is that the majority of parents have in place for their kids

summerhouse 🤣😂😅

It’s great that some folk feel that they can be all fluid and spontaneous and do bedtime when the child wants it etc but I’d much rather a degree of structure around bedtimes if for no other reason than

a) child free time in the evening is nice
b) they won’t be crotchety nightmares thennext day when they’re shattered out their brains after having had only 8 hrs.

Knackered kids = a fucking nightmare.

My ds 5 always goes to bed at the same time unless we are out or its a special occasion. He loves his bed and will often ask to go to bed early, also I'm glad for the break when he goes to bed.
One of my friends doesn't have a set time for her ds 6 and he is often up till gone 10 and is tired in the morning. I don't agree with that but that's her decision.

Around 7pm in the week,8pm weekends for ds 5

No routine here, 7 and 10 yo yo to bed typically around 9-9.30, later at weekends, sleep within 20- 30 mins, up naturally at 7ish

V my friend who sends her same age DC to bed at 7 and battles with them until 10

Do what works for you op.

Dc 6 and 3 have a bath at 6ish followed by book and bed at 6:30. It works for us as we’re early to bed so wouldn’t get much of an evening otherwise. Dd6 is up around 5:30 and dd3 around 6:30. If we weren’t early risers we’d probably put bedtime back a bit but def think kids need to wake naturally. If they’re not they’re not getting enough sleep imo.

I didn’t have a routine with my first until she started school. When I started the routine, her bedtime was 8pm to start with and I increased it a bit as each year passed. She’s now 11 and stays up till 11pm on weeknights. No routine at weekends.

My 2nd needed her sleep and I always made sure she was in bed by 7pm, but by the time she got to about 5 and a half/6 she wanted to stay up a bit later. She’s now 7 and on school nights she stays up till 8:30 - 9pm. Again, no routine at weekends.

Neither of my kids have ever struggled in school and are very high performers.

There are no hard and fast rules on this - some kids need more structure/sleep/routine than others.

I say just do what’s best for you

OP I think you need to explain more what a "bedtime routine" is, from the replies everyone seems to have a different idea, and your follow up was about lack of a bed time not the lack of a routine.

So what exactly do you mean? Are you really just talking about the lack of a specific bed and waking time, or something else?

Another parent at the yard gates told me their dd (4) just plays/jumps around etc typical 4 year old behaviour until she crashes out - normally before 11.30, they carry her up to bed and then she's a grouchy snot on a morning because she's been woken. But it's okay because she sleeps in the car after nursery, so they get a break then.

It works for them, not sure how it'll work in September when she's in school until 3pm but I suppose they'll faca that hurdle when they get there.

Yes, there is a difference between a routine, and a set bed-time.

We didn't.

The upshot was that we didn't need to be tied to any sort of routine and DD would sleep anywhere and everywhere

I also think for us it helped teach her how to recognise when she was ready for bed.

Dd goes to bed around 7 but we're flexible. Sometimes 6.45 sometimes 7.20 depending on when she looks tired. She's pretty good at self settling but better when she's tired. Occasionally we got to grandmas and bed time wont start until gone 8.30. Pjs and milk there then into the car, she falls asleep and we transfer her to bed. We like that she's flexible and there isn't a huge hoohah if she's up past bed time.

For everyone who has a set bedtime, how do you get a baby/ toddler to go to sleep when they just aren’t tired? I just don’t get it!

Mine goes to bed when they are tired. We have a routine ( a sequence of activities that happen once sleepy, pjs book etc..) but not a schedule.

Genuinely interested as to how you put a non tired child to bed though!!

My DP leaves at 7 in the morning and isn't back till 7 or 8 at night, if I put ours to bed at 7.15 every night he would never see them. Hell I'd never see them, I work till 6!

Those with such early bed times, is there no flexibility in that? A 4 year old in bed at 7 is fine on a school night but what about in the summer?

I'da gone mad if my kids didn't go to bed at a decent hour every night

We dont have an routine. It's not a circus. Usually the toddler falls asleep between 7pm-9pm anyway naturally so it's not crazy. Shes up about 7-8.30am.

My teens also dont have a set routine. Never have. They seep naturally about 10pm and wake at 7 for school.

So so so much easier. Literally no bedtime stress of in and out of bed.

Depends on the situation. My view is that it’s fine as long as they can and do sleep in, so get the right amount of sleep.
If they don’t have nursery or school to get to, fair enough. But if they aren’t in bed until 9/10pm and then are pulled out of bed at normal time, then that’s not right.