To ask what phrase ended your marriage?

[SealySal]

My H recently laughed and said “You wore that? The 90’s want their jacket back hahaha”

Background: I used to have a senior and very well paid job. After DD1 was born, I decided to be a SAHM (H fully in agreement and he earns a very good income so no financial pressure). Main reason was that where we live the maternity leave entitlement was very short and I would have had to go back after 3 months, leaving a tiny baby with a stranger. Since then, 4 years have passed and we’ve since had another DD. She’s 10 months old.

A month ago, an old recruiter contact got in touch and asked if I would meet them to discuss a potential role. I was quite excited!! I miss my old self.

Through my own fault (eating too much), I’m 3 stone heavier than I used to be. None of my lovely old work clothes fit, so I ordered some work clothes online that would be suitable for an interview (good high street brand, not very expensive) and thought I looked quite nice. I’m ebf at the moment, so I started to pump milk and arranged a babysitter.

After I’d had the meeting (commute into the city), I rushed home, paid the babysitter and got on with feeding the baby, picking up DD1 from nursery, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, getting both DC bathed and to sleep. Over dinner that night, H pointed at my new jacket on the chair and said “You wore that? The 90’s want their jacket back hahaha. People don’t dress like that anymore”.

I’d worn a black shift dress and a black and white check jacket. Both size 14 and fitted well. My heart broke.

I looked at him and thought, I don’t like you. I’ve made my excuses to the recruiter and pulled out of the interview process. I need to try to regroup my thoughts, which is difficult, as I’m exhausted. I’ve done every night shift in forever and I’ve got PND. I know I can get back to my old self and will work towards that.

Is it crazy to think a sentence can end a marriage?

[Also, I know this is a AIBU board and people can sometimes be quite nasty. Someone will definitely say “first time poster”, but I’ve actually been a member since 2013 and this is a new account with a new email address, so that it isn’t linked to shared passwords with H]

OP to echo what others have said, I can see why what you said could end a marriage. I know how it feels to be in a previously successful career but a few years out with babies with a few too many lbs to lose confidence.

In thst situation your partner should be your main cheerleader, being the one boosting your confidence and reminding you that you can do it.

The interview outfit sounds completely appropriate, and as people said you bought it in a normal highstreet retailer so there will be hundreds of women thst will be wearing the same jacket across the country, not looking like a 90s throwback.

I do agree that if you can salvage the interview to do so. It will be a useful, confidence building experience whether you get (or take) the job or not.

As for your husband, I'd talk to him about his comment and how upset you are and let his reaction be your guide on what to do next. If he's profoundly sorry and realises it was a really shitty thing to say then you've got something to builld on. If he laughs it off or gaslight you then I wouldn't stay as he obviously is a nasty human being.

It's folly to end a relationship over one comment

A lot of the examples people have given on here really are that bad - no coming back from them.

A lot of other people have described light bulb moments, where things have been bad for a while and a single incident has opened their eyes. This is what OP is saying. I don't think anyone on here has left a healthy relationship over a single off colour remark.

Or consider the lack of words in desperate times. He didn’t say any phrases or offer any support whatsoever when I miscarried. That’s it.

Thanks @KataraJean

I believe a phrase can be the beginning of the end. mothers day with my ex, my dd was 3. I was told we had to take his mum for lunch. Dd kicked and screamed all the way through and he ate his lunch as if we didnt exist I didnt eat a bite of mine and by the time we got home I was exhausted,I hadn't had a card or a present and I was upset at being ignored at lunch. I asked him aren't you going to say happy mothers day? He told me 'you're not my mum' and I realised I deserved a hello of a lot more respect than he ever gave me.

Haven't RTFT but just wanted to say that his comment is precisely why you need this job
gives 2 fingers to OP's dh*

@Fluffyhairforever I totally agree. Sometimes the lack of words and interaction can be more harmful

The nineties are definitely back in. In a big way also anything vintage.

My exh saying to me ' if you ever have a baby it will be a mongol because you're half a mongol yourself'

You ran up debts in my name before we married, I'm prosecuting you for fraud!
And I'm divorcing you for being a total fuckwit!

@crispysausagerolls thank you. He tried to convince me it was nothing (as did his family). But he didn't succeed!

"If you dont shut up, I'm going to thump you" said to my 16 year old daughter. Been divorced for nearly 2 years now, myself and the kids are fine.x

Noooo...I’ve been thinking of leaving you!

My tongue in the cheek question that provoked this response from out of the blue...it’s our 30th wedding anniversary next year, shall we go to vegas and renew our vows in front of Elvis

That started world war 3 and four years of hate culminating in the nastiest divorce ever...( well not ever, but was up there with them)

Oh rockmysocks...😢
No words

So,e are these are so vile.i at first thought mine was joking

90s style is huge right now... misses the point

When I had the audacity to say I had had one night stands back in my uni days (years before I met him).

Him with despair and disgust on his face: “it’s all ruined now, I’ll never be able to go there again” I was 7 months pregnant. Still together but I’m just biding my time before I leave the sexist, double-standards prick.

I was diagnosed with depression but when my lightbulb moment came (fuck off and die) I sought counselling...turns out I'd never been depressed, just in a shite marriage. You are fabulous OP, you got this!

Said to me all the time, "
If you aren't earning over $100000 per yearm your just srounging off me". I think i need to end it as the stress of trying to find a job earning that much is killing me. I currently earn $65000 per year.

OP I’m so sorry to read about your husbsnd’s attitude. There’s nothing worse than being married to someone who makes you feel pointless. I haven’t left mine because I’m stuck in a very complex situation, but I’ve had too many unkind comments to recall. He always tells me he’s “does his best” and “there’s nothing he can do” and whenever I’ve ever told him I’m unhappy about something, he has to announce that he’s worse off. He constantly eclipses my feelings with his own to make me feel like I’m being unreasonable about our situation. Recently his behaviour has actually manifested so much negativity on me emotionally and mentally, that I’ve had to start taking anti depressants.

I really hope you manage to get your mojo back soon enough and can pick up where you left off.

The one that ended it for me was "you'll never mean more to me than my parents". Then why did you marry me? I think he didn't get the concept of marriage honestly.

Yes, cantfindausername because you know once you find the job that earns over $100000 a year, it will be something else you are doing wrong.
ExH and I earned the same-ish, I did the lions share of domestic and childcare work plus my job and when I complained about being tired or asked him to help, he told me I should tell my colleagues to stop dumping stuff on me at work so I did not have so much to do. Right...

OP I came onto your thread to say that, actually your dress jacket combination was an absolute classic, something which you can put on, look smart and professional in and feel comfortable enough in to forget about what you were wearing whilst you focused on having a great interview. I bet all that was true.

I second all on here who have said your husband doesn't want you back in the workplace, being confident and possibly earning more than him. Currently he has you where he wants you - dependent on him in many ways, seeing himself higher in the pecking order than you.

For no other reason than to get your self confidence back I think you should get back to your recruiter and go back to work doing what you obviously were good at before.

Then "get your shit in a sock" and leave him behind.

I was appalled to read so many sad posts from other women who have been spoken to/treated so shamefully by partners who were supposed to love and care for them and their children. I hope the future is brighter for you (or that a better future is within your grasp) without them in it.

Strength, 🌹🍷🌈 to you all.

I remember ex bil saying that if his girlfriend/ wife to be ever got raped he could never go there again too

I should’ve dumped his brother/ my husband at the time there and then
Would’ve saved a lot of heartache

They were obviously cut from the same cloth

Said as we were walking back down the aisle "...if you want kids, you can think again..". Arsehole then spent the night in the bar. Prior to the vows, he was the ideal man. It was all just a sick game to him.