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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
Usernumbers1234 · 27/03/2019 15:04

Where does she live OP, Brighton?!

I’m assuming she’s in some other part of London, can she not get herself to Hampstead

Anyway, to save this poor bloke from any further misery I’m going with YANBU, your friend should never speak with him ever again.

TrixieFranklin · 27/03/2019 15:05

Why the fuck would he pay her fare!?
This gets more and more bizarre?

Should women even be trusted to leave the house and travel about meeting men without a chaperone these days? And allowed to handle money.. well!!!!!

stevie69 · 27/03/2019 15:05

So it would be OK for her to get in the cab and leave him standing on the street??

Yes, it would. Until we morph into one homogeneous species, then being a man and being a woman come with some fundamental differences (thank fuck).

While the chances of a personal attack on either are equally likely (although mercifully rare) then the consequences for a woman are likely to be more devastating and life changing than they are for a man. So yeah, he should have seen her into her cab.

Having said that, it's not a deal breaker and, all other things being equal, he's worth a second chance.

thebabessavedme · 27/03/2019 15:05

pay for her transport! ffs, women have died in the process to gain equality and we still hear twaddle like this! If she wants to date a man and be treated like a grown up, she needs to get herself there and back and stop being such a bloody drip.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 27/03/2019 15:05

Well normally you would pay a date’s fare home. It’s not essential, but I think most would. It’s only a few miles, not Scotland.

Nope, OP, that’s not the “done thing”. If he pays for hers and she pays for his it just cancels it out anyway.

Genderwitched · 27/03/2019 15:05

Well normally you would pay a date’s fare home

Really? I haven't dated for twenty years but it wasn't like that then. We all shifted for ourselves in the 90's. Your friend sounds quite high maintenance OP.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:05

Well normally you would pay a date’s fare home. It’s not essential, but I think most would. It’s only a few miles, not Scotland.

No you wouldn't. If you were tight as fuck, you may think that. But no, normal independent adults provide for themseleves.

G5000 · 27/03/2019 15:05

WTF she's a grown woman and it's not year 1700.

You can't just leave an Uber waiting unless you want to fuck up your rating and make sure no ubers are available next time you need one.

And it would certainly be a good riddance if he is dumped because he does not organise how another adult makes her way from Chelsea to Hampstead. Or because she can't open her mouth and suggest another meeting place, if that's too much to travel.

ColeHawlins · 27/03/2019 15:06

Chelsea to Hampstead 😂

sar302 · 27/03/2019 15:06

Have you never raced ubers OP? All involved book their Uber, and then place bets on whose gets there first 🤷‍♀️ they get there when they get there, you can't wait once they arrive. And if she doesn't want to go north of the river, then don't date a man that lives north of the river.

NoCauseRebel · 27/03/2019 15:06

It’s not hard to see why she’s single.

But still, do you not think he should have got her one rather than just sorting himself? you don’t “call” a Uber, you book one via the app. Added to which, if she’s some kind of pathetic needy woman who can’t cope without a man to do everything for her I would suggest that she not meet strangers off the internet as you just never know who they are.

FrancisCrawford · 27/03/2019 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 27/03/2019 15:06

Well normally you would pay a date’s fare home. It’s not essential, but I think most would

Well now I feel very unattractive as no one has ever paid for my cab fare home! Or bus fare. Or tube. I think I've drunkenly been lent an Oyster card but tbh I'm not even sure about that.

I got a backie on a bike in year 8 after a cinema trip, does that count?

icannotremember · 27/03/2019 15:06

I'm very confused as to what the man has supposedly done wrong.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:07

There something about a woman expecting a man to pay travel expenses that makes me think the OP and her friends dont know the difference between a date and being an escort

SilverySurfer · 27/03/2019 15:07

So far the votes seem to be 50/50?

I don't think so, try counting again Hmm

Seriously, I think he should do himself a favour and find someone in the 21st Century, not a simpering Victorian.

Now he wants her to traipse to Hampstead (where he lives) on the weekend, but I bet he won’t send a cab for her.

Why the fuck would he book her a cab? Will she do the same when he visits her home? No? - thought not.

And I just bet she expected him to pay for their evening out.

She needs to adjust her expectations massively if she is ever going to get past a first date.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 15:07

Yes he’s asked her for lunch this weekend.

It’s seems the consensus here is she should just get her own Uber and go. This is what the others say - “give it a go or you’ll never know”.Her only concern is, it’s very early days and she doesn’t want to appear like she’ll put up with anything and is desperate.

OP posts:
CraftyYankee · 27/03/2019 15:07

Chelsea to Hampstead via public transit is a bit of hassle, transfer stations etc, but it's not like tobogganing to the North Pole. If she likes him, either suggest something in between or take the 45 minute or so journey. It's not rocket science.

ColeHawlins · 27/03/2019 15:07

Next you'll be telling us he didn't walk between her and those splashy hansom cabs 😏

MiddleClassProblem · 27/03/2019 15:08

Yes I always gave dates a receipt for my tfl to reimburse...

FrancisCrawford · 27/03/2019 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumof3dragons · 27/03/2019 15:08

If she lives in Chelsea she can probably afford to send him a cab to come to her 😂

JellyBaby666 · 27/03/2019 15:08

What is she supposedly putting up with?!

Good grief. If she likes him, meet him again and download Citymapper.

thebabessavedme · 27/03/2019 15:08

stevie, she was standing on charing cross road, not a dark alley! women do manage to live and work and travel in london even without the help of a gentleman.

moosesormeece · 27/03/2019 15:08

Well normally you would pay a date’s fare home.

Eh? Not in 2019!

Unless she's auditioning to be his kept woman why on earth would she expect him to ferry her around, especially in a city with excellent (yes, I know, I know, but you try moving to rural Scotland after years in London and then tell me about Northern line delays) public transport?