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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
lillymunster · 27/03/2019 14:57

It would depend on the way he actually behaved. Ordering Ubers in London often ends up being a bit of a rush, you order one and sometimes it's there really quickly, trying to stop somewhere it's not supposed to so you can get in and they get very ratty if you keep them waiting. In this situation I'd expect the guy to be saying are you ok getting home, have you got transport sorted? Are you happy to wait here for your Uber as mine is here? I'd only not want to see the guy if he just ordered himself one and seemed completely disinterested in whether I'd be able to get home ok.

mimibunz · 27/03/2019 14:58

The gentlemanly thing to do would be to wait for her to be safely in her taxi. Not because she was in danger, but because that’s what gentlemen do.

amusedbush · 27/03/2019 14:58

But still, do you not think he should have got her one rather than just sorting himself?

What are you not getting about this, OP?? Uber is linked to your bank account directly, so if he had ordered one for her he would have been charged for it. Why should he pay for her entire fare home?

BlueSkiesLies · 27/03/2019 14:58

OMG well now you’ve said she doesn’t have a car in London, and is being asked to go to Hampstead - that changes everything. Or not. Fucks sake people like you are pathetic.

multiplemum3 · 27/03/2019 14:58

A grown woman can't manage to get her own taxi, she needs a man to organize her transportation for their next visit? How the fuck does she cope with day to day life?

Justawaterformeplease · 27/03/2019 14:58

If he’d ordered her an Uber, he would have had to stand there waiting until she’d been dropped off before he was able to order one to take him home. He would also have had to ask for her address, which might seem intrusive on a first date. It’s 2019! People (both men and women) make their own way to and from dates!

FrancisCrawford · 27/03/2019 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 14:59

It’s not unreasonable of him to assume a grown woman can get herself home.

Was he holding a gun to her head when he suggested Hampstead? Because it’s easy to say “somewhere more central would suit better”.

Are you both usually total drama queens cause he deserves a medal for wanting round 2!

Sirzy · 27/03/2019 14:59

Sounds like she needs to learn to look after herself.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/03/2019 14:59

Has he demanded she go to see him in Hampstead?

or has he suggested?

Theres a huge difference.

cardibach · 27/03/2019 14:59

Laurie I have never lived in London and I wouldn’t think it normal to ‘send a cab’.
OP the o oh ‘transport weirdness’ is coming from you and your friend. Use public transport, get a cab, sort yourself and if you don’t like the suggested date venue, suggest a different one.

Genderwitched · 27/03/2019 15:00

I don’t think it’s 50/50

Not even close, most people think that your friend is very unreasonable OP Smile

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:00

Also, he knows she has no car, so why expect her to travel to north London when he could organise something more centrally or go her way?

Or she could have said....I want to meet at 'x place'

Why is it a red flag that he assumed a grown woman, could call her own cab?

Why didn't she ask to share a cab?

If she cabt be arsed getting the train at the weekend, she tells him no. Or that she would rather meet elsewhere.

It's not for him to provide transport to a grown ass woman.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 15:01

Well normally you would pay a date’s fare home. It’s not essential, but I think most would. It’s only a few miles, not Scotland.

Now she’s saying it’s not about money. She just found him rude at the end.

OP posts:
multiplemum3 · 27/03/2019 15:01

Are you the "friend" op? Would you like mumsnet to teach you how to use uber?

JellyBaby666 · 27/03/2019 15:02

40ish minutes from Chelsea/Fulham to Hampstead on the tube - hardly hours on a train?! I am so baffled at what she expects. If she doesn't want to go to Hampstead then say so and suggest an alternative. He isn't obliged to ferry her about to their dates! And I hardly think a cab would be much quicker!

Sirzy · 27/03/2019 15:02

Did she pay for his fare home?

PrivateCello · 27/03/2019 15:02

You and your friend are either ignorant or high maintenance. In either case, leave the guy alone and let him find some more normal.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 27/03/2019 15:02

OP it is most certainly not normal to pay a first or second date's fare home.

Can I ask when you last dated?

JellyBaby666 · 27/03/2019 15:03

Normally you would pay a date's fare home? Are you kidding!? Years of dating in London, never had a guy pay for me to get home! I have an Oyster card, get my own Uber/we go home together!

NaToth · 27/03/2019 15:03

Very bad manners. Strictly speaking, he should have hailed a cab for her and seen her safely home, but in this case I accept that was probably not an option.

Second best option would be to see her safely into her cab before ordering/finding his own.

Next!

radishingravish · 27/03/2019 15:03

I am confused OP. Has he asked your friend if she would like to go to Hampstead and she is yet to respond? Or has he told her he wants her to come to Hampstead and meeting elsewhere isn't an option? Because if it is the latter then I understand where you are coming from. But if it is the former then he might just think Hampstead is a nice place for a date (which I agree with - I love Hampstead) and isn't that far from Chelsea.

FrancisCrawford · 27/03/2019 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 27/03/2019 15:03

YABVU. He is not responsible for her transport, nor should he be.

You can’t order two Uber’s on the same account, and you can’t order an Uber on your own account for someone else solely to use; they need their own account.

You also can’t “leave the meter running” on an Uber. You’ve already paid for the journey, you get in and go. Oh, and you can’t swap either; she couldn’t have just got it his. It has to be him to the address he had already specified.

It sounds like none of you know how Uber works.

But that’s really by the by. There isn’t an issue here, and you and your friends shouldn’t be trying to push her into thinking there is one.

She is capable of ordering an Uber, and when she does she can see exactly how far away it is and when it will get to her (usually minutes, so she wouldn’t have just been left standing there for ages).

Honestly, you’re being ridiculous.

Jessgalinda · 27/03/2019 15:03

Ok she can get her own Uber or the tube, but this is not a great impression really is it? Or not?.

Why is exepecting an adult, to arrange own transport to a mutually agreed location, not a great impression?

Are you these types of people that like to act very infantile and need some one to look after you?