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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

999 replies

Jalila07 · 27/03/2019 14:35

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 17:15

“I'm going to hazard a wild guess that you mix with an extremely narrow section of society.”

Well what do you mean? Do you think British society and whatever it’s norms are here are the end all and be all? What about “society” in the rest of the world. Clearly the norms are different.

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 28/03/2019 17:18

I can't answer for the OP Jessgalinda but you seemed so desperate for an answer from her that I gave you my view on the correct way for a woman to behave on a date. That's not the definitive view though.

But I wouldn't be keen on a second date with a man who left me standing in the street - however safe. That doesn't make me a Victorian maiden. I just don't think it is polite.

Thirty years ago Uber hadn't been invented. But my now-husband would not have done that. He'd have booked his own Uber after mine arrived. Like many people have said, in that part of London, he wouldn't be waiting long.

Kennehora · 28/03/2019 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 17:21

Thankyou limited. I feel like I’m going mad on this thread.

As for “women are free to multi date” - well ok, but surely it’s enough hassle dating one at a time. Who can be bothered goth all this. You’d probably get their names mixed up. Sounds like a nightmare.

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 28/03/2019 17:22

I'm going to hazard a wild guess that you mix with an extremely narrow section of society.

What does this mean Kennehora? Most of us do. It's foolish to think that we don't.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 17:24

Kennehora - I don’t think there is any “norm” in London. London is it’s people - no more. I’m one of them as is anyone else.

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 28/03/2019 17:25

I'm in my 40's, live in London and go on loads of dates.
I can take myself places. I would refuse an Uber/viavan/whatever if I didn't know the person. I don't want people knowing my location until I am ready to share that info.
I also don't expect my dates to fund my night why should he?
First/second dates, I couldn't give a monkeys if he's still seeing what's around. I also do this.
Getting from Chelsea to Hamstead isn't a massive chore. I would think it extremely odd if a car was sent at his insistence. And again would refuse it. I make my own way too and from places.
As things have developed then offers of cabs are appreciated. Same with when I get picked up/dropped off, but only once I felt I knew him enough to get in his car.
Plus it's going to be nice on Saturday and I would rather spend time in Hampstead Heath rather than Chelsea.

Keener · 28/03/2019 17:25

Do you think British society and whatever it’s norms are here are the end all and be all? What about “society” in the rest of the world. Clearly the norms are different.

I'm not British, and nor are most of my friends we're from various parts of continental Europe, India, South America, the US, Morocco, Zimbabwe, SA, Australia, the ME. I've lived in several different countries on three continents in my adult life. Together we make up a fair sample of the 'rest of the world', and none of us share your ideas of gender norms.

I get that people like you exist life's rich tapestry etc what is somewhat more difficult for me, and I suspect many on the thread to grasp, is that you appear to have no idea that you are living in the capital city of a country where the vast majority of people don't share your strange, anachronistic ideas. Do you literally only have one type of person in your life?

purplepears · 28/03/2019 17:25

I think he should have waited till she was in her Uber to call his.
But, what do I know. I'm middle aged.
It's just basic manners to me.
For some of you younger ones can I ask if you'd be happy to have this happen to your mum?
I don't know one man who'd do this.

calpop · 28/03/2019 17:27

I actually agree with this:

I think it’s sad that women feel they have to put up with men multi-dating them, if that’s the case these days. When did that become a thing?

But the rest is unequal and sexist, sorry.

theworldistoosmall · 28/03/2019 17:27

Multi-dating isn't a hassle. And very easy to not mix names up, why would it be?

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 17:28

Well you can speak as you find Keener, but so can I.

OP posts:
Keener · 28/03/2019 17:29

For some of you younger ones can I ask if you'd be happy to have this happen to your mum?

I'm 46, and I can assure you that I am more than able to find my own home via public transport. Hmm

My mother is in her mid-70s, lives in the depths of the countryside in my home country, and is rather fragile -- she is highly unlikely to need to navigate a post-date Uber situation in central London.

Original poster
Jalila07 · 28/03/2019 17:29

I’m not sure I’ll be suggesting to my friend to join MN and post about her date this weekend Grin. It could be a minefield, unless she has very thick skin.

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 28/03/2019 17:31

For some of you younger ones can I ask if you'd be happy to have this happen to your mum?

My mum would be offended and ask him wtaf was wrong with him? and that she's not a child.

She would go on a very sweary long rant at the poor sod.

SoHotADragonRetired · 28/03/2019 17:32

can I ask if you'd be happy to have this happen to your mum?

I'm not sure I count as a "younger one", and numerous people older than the OP have commented to say they think her expectations are off, but Confused yes, why would I have any problem with it? And what business would it be of mine anyway? Like most able-bodied human beings, my mum is fully capable of navigating a city and waiting a few minutes for her taxi. (She might struggle with the Uber app, mind, although she has Facebook and WhatsApp pretty well down these days.)

limitedperiodonly · 28/03/2019 17:33

That's okay Jalila07. I was keen on multi-dating when I was single though. Why limit your options?

Keener · 28/03/2019 17:33

OP, if she's embarking on dating in 2019 London with these 1950s ideas, she should probably get some advice from outside her bubble from somewhere. If she's unaware of concurrent dating being quite normal, she's going to baffle some blameless man by treating it like he's been unfaithful in a lengthy marriage.

Sb74 · 28/03/2019 17:33

Hello OP. new to this post. Just read a few. Wouldn’t bother with him. I expect a man to be a gentleman and protect me. I expect them to look after me. If they can’t be bothered to do that on a first day then you have no chance. He’s not been brought up right. Ditch him now.

ShowMeTheKittens · 28/03/2019 17:34

But ubers are ordered on the addresses you give.... it's not done like that!

Sb74 · 28/03/2019 17:34

Decent men know how to treat a woman, 21st century London or not.

Sirzy · 28/03/2019 17:35

My mum is the one who raised me to be independent so I doubt she would bat an eyelid at sorting her own taxi!

Sb74 · 28/03/2019 17:36

Uber Schuber. Christ what world do we live in? He should have seen she got off safely. People have very low expectations nowadays.

Kennehora · 28/03/2019 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tennisracquet · 28/03/2019 17:37

It was weird of her to watch him call an uber and then wait for it with him.

As soon as his phone was out I would have said thanks for a great night and goodbye.

I agree its a weird look for him to get in zoom off with her on the pavement. But she should have pulled the trigger on the parting earlier so as not to be in that situation.