He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

[Jalila07]

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

Yes Irma. Thankyou. I knew I couldn’t be the only one.

OP can you or Irma answer.....'what do women needs to do to impress on a date?'

She's a grown up. Charing Cross is hardly the middle of nowhere. She's not going to struggle to get home if the Uber does fail her. Manners might suggest a 'sorry to leave you', but only in an acknowledging sense.

“OP can you or Irma answer.....'what do women needs to do to impress on a date?'”

God knows - don’t ask me!

God knows - don’t ask me!

What did you friend do to impress him?

Why do men need to do things to impress? If women dont? If they do, what are women expected to do?

Obviously women are just meant to look nice

As I said before, manners do seem commensurate with the level of keenness. Someone who goes off without a backward glance... not a great sign.

Halloumimuffin probably.

OP, despite not dating for 20 years, has a very clear view of what men should do. Actually basing that on her husbands behaviour, past and present.

She doesnt however have any clue what women should do. Seems odd.

Someone who goes off without a backward glance... not a great sign.

That's what she wanted to do to him though. Is that bad manners?

I’m going to ask my question again, since you appear to have missed it.

I don’t think it does any harm to be a little wary of any man who, on a second date, says to come over his way.

And yet you’d give him your address to send a cab, or get into a cab he sent.

Can’t you see the cognitive dissonance in that?

I don't think anyone went "clubbing" in the 30s/40s. They went to a dance hall or nightclub or cafe/restaurant with dancing.

I didn't go clubbing in the 1980s. We went to discos .

My friend is not pathetic. She doesn’t need anyone to feel sorry for her. I don’t think I’m pathetic either.

Like it or not, where come from, yes, it is more traditional. No, you don’t “impress” a man by chasing him about all over the place. To be honest, this comes across as off-putting and men don’t respect it. It may be different here these days and I’ve accepted that, but still. We’re all a product of our upbringings and those “norms” to some degree. I don’t want to say where I’m from but in that group yesterday there was an American, Lebanese and Portuguese. People do vary in expectstions, men and women. You don’t just expect one set of rules to for all.

Proud - apologies there are a lot of questions.

It’s not so much the safety angle we were considering as she’s not going to ask him in her house (the kids are there) and doesn’t expect him to try and break in (!). It’s was more about the message she’s giving off by going up there.

I’ve taken on board the comments about how him sending her a cab could be interpreted as treating her like an escort. It’s made me see things differently and I’ve admitted this.

Can you at all see the safety point of view?

OP, in case you missed it....what did your friend do to impress him on the date?

Why do you have clear behaviour of how man should act on dates, but no clue about what women should do?

You use your husband behaviour of examples of how this man should have behaved, so what do you do to be polite, impress etc.

I get the impression you dont want to answer as it's a case of 'just turn up'.

OP - what background is this man from? Is it the same background as her?

You may have gone clubbing in the 90s. Silly comment about grandparents. Most people's grandparents on MN will be dead. Who cares what your grandparents, parents or you did anyway? Bizarre offering to thread. I'm sure most of us have "danced" at some point.

If this woman ended up being attacked or raped, would you all still think it OK for her to left alone in the early hours in a public place?

What's wrong with a man feeling protective about a woman, even if he's only on a first date? He might have asked her if she'd be alright if he went home first and she said OK?

Women aren't equal to men when it comes to being attacked or raped or murdered by a man. Personally, if I were a man, I'd not be happy about leaving a female on her own late at night in a public street. I'd make sure she got safely into a cab first. As a woman, I'd not necessarily expect a man to do that. Nor would I hold it against him if he didn't. But I wouldn't respect him.

I get the impression you dont want to answer as it's a case of 'just turn up'.

Ask OP's husband. She has already said upthread that she likes it when he makes decisions for her. I'm assuming the same goes with thinking.