He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

[Jalila07]

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

He could have got her address (for the cab) and followed her home to rape and murder her in her own bed.

She would be giving zero message by going up to Hampstead other than "Yes, I would like a second date, sounds fun". It's really not that deep!

I lived in Brixton for 10 years and would absolutely invite a date there from the other side of London – in exchange for their traipsing they'd get to go to a killer neighbourhood restaurant like Negril rather than an overpriced Zone 1 place picked in a panic from Time Out. Unless this man is as batshit as you two and he's testing her to see what messages she gives out, I imagine his thinking is much the same.

Irma the compassion is just radiating off you today.

OP, her going to his neck of the woods isn't chasing him about or giving off the wrong idea or any other ridiculous nonsense. She's going to a different part of London, no one is making her and if she doesn't want to go she doesn't have to!

If this woman ended up being attacked or raped, would you all still think it OK for her to left alone in the early hours in a public place?

If she was attacked in the seconds between uber's, that would have been the fault of the attacker. Not the man whose uber turned up. You cant wait for an uber once it's there.

Would it be uber's fault she was attacked?

Would it be her fault if she got in a cab first and then he was attacked?

If this woman ended up being attacked or raped, would you all still think it OK for her to left alone in the early hours in a public place?

She probably spent about thirty seconds standing on one of the busiest streets in London! In an area famed for late-night bookshops and 24-hour cafes and bagel shops! If anyone had attempted to assault her, he would have been sat on by five have-a-go heroes within seconds while twenty teenage tourists filmed the whole thing and live streamed it to Facebook! She literally probably would not have had time to even enter a restaurant to wait, much less order something. And most normal people who don't live in Chelsea would have been taking the Tube home. BY THEMSELVES.

If this woman ended up being attacked or raped, would you all still think it OK for her to left alone in the early hours in a public place?
We don't know it was the early hours, we do know it was Charing Cross Road, where the worst that might happen is encountering a rowdy hen party coming from Leicester Square or a gaggle of students, and we also know that rape is the fault of the rapist not the man whose Uber arrived first.

No, you don’t “impress” a man by chasing him about all over the place .To be honest, this comes across as off-putting and men don’t respect it.

He invited her. It's not like she's turned up on his doorstep in the middle of the night unannounced.

StrawberrySquash Thu 28-Mar-19 13:42:47
She's a grown up. Charing Cross is hardly the middle of nowhere. She's not going to struggle to get home if the Uber does fail her. Manners might suggest a 'sorry to leave you', but only in an acknowledging sense.

What? People only get attacked in the middle of nowhere?

burritofanThu 28-Mar-19 14:20:20
We don't know it was the early hours, we do know it was Charing Cross Road, where the worst that might happen is encountering a rowdy hen party coming from Leicester Square or a gaggle of students, and we also know that rape is the fault of the rapist not the man whose Uber arrived first.

Try telling that to the woman who was attacked at 6 pm on Oxford Street in November last year. Street full of people. She was beaten black and blue before anyone intervened. None of us are truly safe, particularly in cities. Sure, it's relatively rare. But what if?

@Chiaroscura so as a woman in London, I shouldn't ever go out by myself just in case I get attacked?

Try telling that to the woman who was attacked at 6 pm on Oxford Street in November last year. Street full of people. She was beaten black and blue before anyone intervened. None of us are truly safe, particularly in cities. Sure, it's relatively rare. But what if?

Ok we going to use individual incidents?

Good stephanie hammill wakefield. Her fiance made sure she got in a cab.

And again, if the woman got in a taxi first and the man got murdered.....would you blame her?

SoHotADragonRetired Thu 28-Mar-19 14:19:25
She probably spent about thirty seconds standing on one of the busiest streets in London! In an area famed for late-night bookshops and 24-hour cafes and bagel shops! If anyone had attempted to assault her, he would have been sat on by five have-a-go heroes within seconds while twenty teenage tourists filmed the whole thing and live streamed it to Facebook! She literally probably would not have had time to even enter a restaurant to wait, much less order something. And most normal people who don't live in Chelsea would have been taking the Tube home. BY THEMSELVES.

"probably"? You don't know how long she was standing there, do you? But that's not really the issue. The issue is she felt he should have made sure she was in the cab safely. Perhaps she's old fashioned like that. Perhaps she felt vulnerable. Perhaps he's not that into her.

@Chiaroscura And that's the fault of the person or persons who beat up the woman. If none of us are truly safe anywhere, and no one intervened at Oxford Circus, what's to say OP's friend was more or less safe alone on CCR than with her date?

Let's say she was attacked on CCR and her date was still there. Her date could easily have frozen and done nothing, as per the Oxford Circus witnesses, or fled, or been knocked out by this hypothetical attacker. Or she could have been attacked by her Uber driver; or her date could have booked her the Uber in order to get her address to attack her, or she could have been set upon between the cab door and her Chelsea home – since it can happen anywhere.

All these scenarios and what-ifs do is put limits on women's freedom – the same way when repeat offenders are at large, it's women who are told to keep to a curfew – and suggest we need chaperoning and having taxis sent for us for dates.

“And your friend is now dating in London and clearly doesn't understand that the culture here has moved on a bit.”

Yes it may have “moved on”, but it’s up to the individual whether they see this moving on as an improvement. Not everyone feels particularly “liberated” by traipsing all over the place to meet men; making it too easy for them, etc etc. Only to find out they’re not what they seem or have multiple women on the go. If you don’t want men to tray you badly, then start as you mean to go on, frankly. I’d rather be alone than having to fathom men out. If they don’t want to see you, let them go. Actions speak louder than words as they say.

But what if?

What if the man waits for her, and while alone on the pavement, he gets stabbed and dies? You can have all the what-ifs you want. The key though is to make rational decisions based on probability, not some obscure fear of the minute chance that something might happen.

By Chiaroscura's logic, no woman can ever leave the house unescorted. BECAUSE WHAT IF. And she certainly can't travel by public transport. Ever. She probably shouldn't date at all. Or get married. Or have any contact with men. Because if there's anything we know for sure, it's that the biggest risk to a woman is her male partner.

I think OP's friend and all of London's single women just need to embrace celibacy. It's for their own good.

WhenISnappedAndFarted Thu 28-Mar-19 14:29:10
@Chiaroscura so as a woman in London, I shouldn't ever go out by myself just in case I get attacked?

Coming out with silly statements like this is just...silly. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting him to see her safely into a cab. Just as there's nothing wrong with getting a cab on your own. It's how it made her feel. Her. Not you or me.

Chiaroscura

then how is anyone ever supposed to go anywhere alone?!

So if you don’t want a man to treat you badly you treat them badly by expecting them to be your personal slave and pay for everything from the off?

by traipsing all over the place to meet men; making it too easy for them, etc etc
If she was meeting him in Newcastle you might have a point, she's meeting him in Hampstead ffs.
He probably hasn't thought it's a problem or a case of her traipsing after him because it's really not. If she wants to meet closer, she can suggest that.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting him to see her safely into a cab.

Then she could have asked. Of does she not have a mouth.

Why is it up to him to decide, she would feel better if he waited. When cabt she just get a grip and say if she wants something

Honestly, you lot. You bite so easily. Over and out

Or rather you have posted a load of shit and realised you cant back any of it up, because it's a pod of shit!