It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

[IfeelSoIll]

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

No workplace in the land will tolerate staff picking and choosing when they feel like turning up, so it's important that children get used to these expectations.

And when they're old enough to work they can deal with those expectations.

When they're still children then the parent can decide.

Schools do know which parents routinely take the piss. Deal with them as strictly. (if only...)

Has Bluesky had a namechange or do we have 2 loopy imaginary free school heads wives on mumsnet?

0/10 for poor imagination though!

The fetishisation of i) attendance and ii) uniform look utterly bonkers from outside.
And from the inside.

"Has Bluesky had a namechange or do we have 2 loopy imaginary free school heads wives on mumsnet?" I'm pretty sure it's the usual suspect too and have reported.

"The fetishisation of i) attendance and ii) uniform look utterly bonkers from outside.
And from the inside." Yep!

If uk schools focused on doing what they SHOULD be ie providing a fully rounded education which encourages/develops critical thinking rather than pissing about re stats and uniform pedantry I strongly suspect exam results and achievement of students post education would be doing a damn sight better! The country would probably be in a better state too!

School are being bloody ridiculous! They are not medically qualified to make the judgment re your dd NOR to put others which could include immunocompromised or with conditions that infections can be worse than for others at unnecessary risk of infection!

I'd tell them where to go!

Re dds illness though, how old is she? Has all the usual suspects for her age been ruled out? I'll be honest I'd be thinking something like glandular fever may be the culprit.

"Can you get a GP to sign her off? (No idea if this is even still possible!)" putting unnecessary extra pressure on the Nhs is unacceptable too.

I had similar issues with dd when she was in hospital for a couple of weeks with an infection (her disability - which they were well and repeatedly informed about) means she is more vulnerable to certain types of infections and they are more debilitating/serious than they would be for people without her condition. She'd also lost a significant amount of weight as a result and was very run down and frankly knackered!!

She got out of HOSPITAL on the Thursday, I called to update them on the Friday, they seemed understanding/sympathetic...then on the Monday I got a call asking where she was!!

We'd been advised to keep her off AT LEAST another 1-2 weeks and luckily that and other advice was in writing. I made it VERY clear I would not be sending her back until she was fully recovered. The teacher we'd been dealing with had been (until this point) to me polite, understanding & sympathetic. Dd had been saying that wasn't how she was with her but of course sometimes kids & teachers clash so I had put it down to that. This day the teacher lost the temper and swore at me, the mask slipped! From that point I insisted that dd have a different teacher for pastoral care and I refused to speak to her, her attitude was atrocious.

They were still complete arses about it. Long story short dd (and I) felt completely unsupported by the school and she ended up leaving school younger than she would have if they'd displayed an ounce of compassion or common sense!

Fwiw she's a bright, hard worker and had gained exam passes a year ahead in several subjects and passed the others with good grades before leaving, she was on the honour roll and in top 2% for achievement before leaving and has gained further qualifications since leaving. So to my mind they also shot themselves in the foot by basically "managing out" a good high achieving student rather than helping her get back on track.

Get everything in writing and back yourself up, but stand firm. You know your child & their health best.

The more I read/hear about how schools are behaving now I too am unsurprised home education is becoming so popular.

"Day off for a blood test? Come on." Depends on what the blood test is for, where op & dd had to go for it, if there were other considerations around how it was done eg some blood tests aren't done at local health centres or hospitals, the patient may need to fast or intake something to facilitate the test...

Eg One of the "just a blood tests" I once had to have done meant a trip to our nearest city which is a good distance away especially by public transport and I had to have a fasting draw done first, then given something to test how my body responded to that and more bloods drawn at various time periods after the other substance was introduced to see basically how well I metabolised that. That certainly took a full day!

Even relatively straightforward ones clinics are often running late, it can be difficult to draw blood from children etc.

"Check that with your school and maybe make appts for around 11am in future, so that your DD is marked present before you take her out for her appt." yes cos it's that easy to get appointments at a time that suits when it's virtually impossible to get appointments in a reasonable time scale at all 🤔

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide

That's what the comp my son and daughter does. You have to take them in, let them decide level of poorly then ring you to collect them, which was fun on the bus.

It's just so they can get their mark.

Has Bluesky had a namechange?

Well, funnily enough there's another colour themed poster posting similar rubbish about a workplace that sounds like a cross between Dilbert and a Victorian sweatshop. Either Bluesky is genunely married to Wackford Squeers, or we can look forward to Pinkpig on how a good wife can carry on taking care of the kids 7when she's throwing up with noro, or Greenelephant on how to enjoy your holiday when you're laid up with labyrinthitis.

(Ignore the random digits in my last post that might be all of it )

So....if you take her in, they thinks she doesn't need medicating, and (God forbid) it turns into something nasty, they'll be happy to be sued and have their name dragged through court?!
Seriously, they need to get over themselves. Tell them to go swivel.

@BlueSky123456 are you the one whose husband's school 'manages out' 'uncooperative' parents?

@Comefromaway do you remember that thread where there was talk of a free school too? It sounds VILE.

What is a free school ?

It seems like the school are taking a heck of a lot of risk and liability in deciding whether kids are really ill. Teenagers can be prone to meningitis and glandular fever. Imagine if they got that call wrong. They are absolutely batshit to get involved in that judgement call.

@uknownothingjonsnow

To set up a free school, founding groups submit applications to the Department for Education.[14] Groups include those run by parents, education charities and religious groups.

And this is how I spent my Spring Half Term last year struggling to breathe and a colleague had ended up in ITU on IV antibiotics. Oh, the joy of being immunocompromised when your ultimate boss believed that infectious diseases never go beyond a sniffle.

I don’t know how parents in the UK cope with the nanny-state school system!

Totally agree with this. Brought my 2 DC back here from overseas schools and was astonished at how the school thinks it is their job to parent my DC because I am clearly too thick to do it myself. I can't believe how intrusive their input feels. Overseas I dropped my DC off, they got educated and I picked them up. I never felt like big brother was watching me.

About a year ago some boys bashed my DC's head against a desk. A few days later I was passing the Pastoral Head and asked them to ask the boy not to do that again. She said to me that she was glad I told her what happened as she had already gone and put it on my DC's file that he had unexplained marks on his face.

I've been told that I look after my DC very well and they are very happy. However, over here I feel under constant suspicion and like I am not trusted to look after my own DC. Its pretty awful.

I've not rtft so I might be completely alone on saying this but.... I am with the school and I operate on the same principal with my children. Unless i know what they have is catching and serous then they go in. My dd suffers with ear infections. Nobody else will get them it's just her. She has lost no school time with them, I dose her up with calpol and in she goes.

Now if the school think either are too ill to be there (I do push back if I think they are trying it on) I will collect them.

Sorry but 89% attendance is very poor. It is no wonder the school are trying to encourage your dd in.

I made the mistake of taking DH to a parent's evening once. The lovely young teacher (think Miss Honey) waxed lyrical about ds. She was very happy with him, he was making great progress.

At the end, however, she said (embarrassed) that there was just one more thing. Ds's attendance had fallen and he was just over 90% .

Now Ds had had viruses here and there just like any other kid, but I'm lucky in that I don't have to dose him up with Calpol and send him in, because I work from home. If he's ill, he stays at home, end of. I explained this to Miss Honey.

The lovely young teacher said 'yes yes of course.. we know that kids get ill and it's perfectly right they stay off. It's just that Mrs Smith, (the head) told me to flag it up to you.'

DH's eyes narrowed. He leaned forward a little and said quietly

'You tell Mrs Smith, from me, to stick her flag where the sun don't shine'.

Oh how we laughed on the way to the divorce lawyers.

89% for a series of un specific generally under the weather illnesses will ring 'kept off school at the drop of a hat' alarm bells at the school. Ultimately though it's not a prison and they can't demand she attends, you do however have to deal with the consequences.

Cheeky fuckers. I'd ask them to email evidence of their medical qualifications, so that you can satisfy yourself that they are competent to make such a judgment.

This has been a dreadful winter for viral illnesses. DP and I both had flu, a few days apart, and then about 10 days later got another viral illness (thankfully less severe than the first one). Loads of people at work and extended family members have had the same happen, and the combined effect of the two really knocked the stuffing out of everyone I've spoken to.

Managers where I work have been told that, in view of the high level of illness this year, they can use their discretion on whetheror not to conduct stage 1 interviews under the absence procedure.

I'm sure it's not an adults-only virus, so kids are bound to have had unusually high absence this year. The school are being bloody ridiculous AND overstepping the mark when it comes to who's ultimately responsible for a child's health and wellbeing.

@gamerchick
That's what the comp my son and daughter does. You have to take them in, let them decide level of poorly then ring you to collect them, which was fun on the bus.

What would happen if you refused?
How can they make you?

if you are dosed up on paracetamol with a bowl to be sick in by your desk i would suggest that the amount of information you absorb is next to nothing and you unwittingly infect half the class

And imagine the disruptive effect on the rest of the class every time a child chucks their guts up during a lesson? I bet some of them would throw up in sympathy.

And is the sick child allowed out to empty the bowl full of puke, or do they have to sit there with it stinking on the desk until the end of the lesson?

This notion is barbaric.

They'll be suggesting parents send them in wearing a nappy if they've diarrhoea next.

I know that some kids and some parents do take the piss but it seems you've just had a run of poor health it does happen.
If it were me I'd Ask the school to confirm what they have said over the phone in writing and then respond in writing that as your child's parent you are of course concerned that they have had to miss school through a run of illness and have taken steps to investigate with your own GP that there are no underlying serious concerns however unless they have proper qualified and insured medical staff on site that you will retain your parental responsibility and will continue to make sensible decisions with regards to their health and well-being.
I know why they are asking but if stupid policy is just accepted then it becomes the norm

That's awful. I would be so mad if the dc school did that.

My decision to make. I couldn't give a jot about their attendance records. As long as my child is ill they will be at home. I always give a day to get over whatever they have had as well, if you send them back too soon they catch the next bug!!

And actually (we were talking about this at work today) attendance needs to be down about 75% before the school can actually do anything about it. I work at a school....

I've reported your vile post Shinesweetfreedom