It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

[IfeelSoIll]

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

Immigration? What does that have to do with anything, Shine?

Some people can bring ANYTHING back to immigration.

As in 'wouldn't it be nice to have people to clean our houses, our hospitals, teach in our schools, nurse our patients, work in our rest homes, etc, etc, but not have the temerity to access the services their taxes pay for as well as our own - like, you know, NHS, education, that sort of thing'. . .

@Pinkprincess1978

My dd suffers with ear infections. Nobody else will get them it's just her. She has lost no school time with them, I dose her up with calpol and in she goes.

I hope she doesn't have them as bad as my sister did then. She used to be up all night with our DM crying in pain even with Calpol. Eventually ended up in hospital for a week having IV antibiotics.

I can remember being the child sent into school with a streaming cold (DM didnt believe in us staying off school unless bits were falling off us). Sitting at my desk with a handkerchief dosed with olbas oil pressed to my face. I didnt absorb a single syllable of any lesson.

The statistic about attendance/GCSE results always makes me wonder. I can see that a child missing maths every Monday will have a problem but does a single week off have the same effect?

A child coming in with a nasty cold will share it with all the others including staff. What if it isnt a cold? DD is at uni and there is mumps going round the students. Lots of students havent had the MMR vaccine.

My mother sent me into school with first glandular fever and then shingles...it did teach me something. It taught me how to ditch school and hide in the shed under an old rug feeling like shit. It taught me to lie and it taught me that no be would help if I was ill.

Keep her home and be her Mum. She has teachers to be her teacher WHEN she is well enough to be in school. They don’t need to do your job.

I can see that a child missing maths every Monday will have a problem but does a single week off have the same effect?

We are not talking about a single week in the OP’s case, are we? The child concerned is having the equivalent of one day a fortnight off. In one dose, not a problem. In several doses, it starts to become a problem. The more time off, the more learning is lost. Where learning is accumulative, that poses a particular problem. So yes, it is logical that regular time off will have an impact on grades in the long term.

The thing is, is that 89% attendance is on average absent over half a day a week. An employer would not accept that without explanation/investigation from a medical professional. By 80% attendance you may as well not have bothered turning up for a whole school year at secondary. Schools are very understanding and supportive of genuine illness/ a bad bout of something. It sounds as though they are concerned because a rapid decline since December.

If a child is genuinely unwell they should be at home getting better. We have dreadful mental health and wellbeing in our young people and should be encouraging self-care.

I say this as the teacher who looks at attendance data, makes phone calls and has to progress cases of poor attendance.

I always send the letters out when the period of time has passed of the attendance hasn’t improved (ours go in 8 week cycles). I do that as a copy of the attendance summary goes with it and parents can see for themselves any pattern or the significance of the illness. It is also fair to say that any absence, however genuine will impact on learning. That can’t be helped.

However, health comes first. If a parent is seeking appropriate medical advice and engaging regularly with the school to keep them informed then there is really no issue.

The ones which concern me are where I hear nothing from parents unless they are chased. Where the absences are on one day of the week. Where you fall into week after week of one day off.

My advice is always to get in before the school does. Preempt the questions and call then before they call you. And ignore any suggestion that you send in a sick child. That is poor decision making whic does not have the wellbeing of the child at its core.

Tell them where to stick their shit! OMG I'm not having school tell me what to do with my child! 😡

pinkprincess1978 if your daughter has a genuine ear infection then it is cruel to send her to school. Ear infections are very painful. Why would you do that to your daughter.

Bollocks!! As someone who had glandular fever as a teen which turned into CFS and now as an adult I have a whole host of autoimmune illnesses that my Rhumatologist thinks can be traced back to the GF 20yrs ago, this is utterly irresponsible of the school. Education is important but so is her life-long health. And as for the patronising letter about hey, sometimes we all feel a bit poorly but we push through it.... mate, I’ve been that soldier and temperatures of 39.8 whilst trying to study fucking Hamlet, not so easy to push through.

As someone who has had ME for her whole adult life, fuck the school and allow your daughter to recover from whatever she has. I had an infection at university and kept going as it was my final year and it's severely impaired the rest of my life. It's just not worth risking it.

If they force her to come in, ask for their medical qualifications. If she is unwell, she won't be learning anything, so attendance is just for their benefit only.

How beneficial is it if an ill child attends school? Nose and eyes streaming into a handkerchief, sweating gently, oblivious to what is going on in the class.

I am not surprised the school is concerned. Day off for a blood test? Come on

I sort of support this comment. It may well be that the child is too ill to go to school, but at the moment it's the parent who is making the call. If the child is taken into school and is thoroughly unwell, they'll see it for themselves and send her home. If it's the parent who's being led up the garden path, that will also become apparent.
Kids who say they don't feel well enough to go out often rally when they get chucked into a normal day at school.
I'm not saying that OPs child is swinging the lead, but loads of children do and the school has to ascertain which is which.
With such a low attendance record, the school needs to know wherein the problem lies. An unusually sick child, or a soft parent.

Send the child to school, and let them send her home. Then they have made the decision that she's not well enough to be there for themselves, so no more comeback.
Having said that, if I've understated the illness, and the child is too weak to eat or get out of bed, then forgive me. Of course they can't go to school in that condition. However, the school has a responsibility to determine which it is. Genuine debilitating illness, or just not wanting to go to school.

With 35 pupils per class, how hard must it be to follow up on all absentees? Just send your child in and let them see. That's all they are asking. I personally think that's fair, when your child has an unusually high absentee record.

I had quite a bit of time off during my time at school...we never got attendance figures in those days so I've no idea but I probably missed at least 3 full weeks most school years if not more. I certainly never got a 100% attendance award. I used to suffer painful periods, had glandular fever, nasty ear infections and sometimes just couldn't be bothered going in. My mum was always happy for me to stay off so long as I kept up with classwork (which I did easily). I got the best results in my year so safe to say absence didn't affect my performance.

I had a similar discussion to the OP but with the EWO at my DS school. She was very put out when I refused to agree that it was the school's decision if DS was ill. Oh, and she also tried to threaten DS that they wouldn't let him contact me during school hours if he felt unwell. Pathetic and bullying. I'm so glad my kids are now past secondary school age.

I worked in a country right at the extreme end of this where kids weren't allowed time of for illness at all. I had kids in my class with migraines, flu, even a girl with a broken leg who was in the next day. They just passed out on their desks and slept. I used to bring them water and blankets.

Absolutely cruel system on every level and completely counterproductive. I don't believe in the whole 'push through' thing at all - far better to take however long you need to recover than make yourself go in, take longer to actually be productive and spread it to every bugger. Understand schools are under pressure and not their fault, it's government policy just being shite.

Having the same problem with ds nursery. Had a tonne of time off, I’m the first to admit that, but all due to medical reason and still having on going reviews with ds gp. Today called nursery to cut down his days at nursery as he is absololutely exhausted constantly. The safeguarding teacher called me to ask for my ds gp and hv name and number so she can contact them. Have no idea whatsoever as to why she is contacted them. And honestly I’m bloody peeved as I’ve constantly kept the nursery informed and brought in prescription along with doctor appointment cards so they know ds has been to the doctors.

We are not talking about a single week in the OP’s case, are we? The child concerned is having the equivalent of one day a fortnight off blah blah

The Stepford Teacher speaks. Fucking amazing that anyone ever passed their exams in the old days, eh?

At NURSERY???? . What madness is this?

Yep nursery, my thoughts exactly. The thing that’s really grinding me, is the worker never told me why you was plans on contacting gp or hv, just that she is.

Fuming is an understatement, nursery is not even mandatory, dreading school years if this is what they’re like with a medical reason in nursery

89% attendance with no underlying medical issues and she's off with a sore throat and a runny nose?

Your DD may well be feeling rough as hell but the number of parents that use sore throat and runny nose as an excuse is ridiculous, that and stomach ache, sorry to say the school probably don't believe you. The school is expected to hit attendance targets, there are parents who will phone in with excuses all the time so school have to chase up on poor attendance with no underlying issues, you want to blame someone then blame the parents who keep letting their children have a day off whenever they fancy it, if they just sent their kids in then the schools wouldn't have to waste time checking every absence because they would be able to trust the parents word.

Phone them and ask them tomorrow why they asked for those details. It may be as simple as they needed them on recording nothing to do with absence.

@itwilltakemuchmorethanthis keyworker told me on the phone today she needed the details to contact them regarding lo. Spoke to an ex employee that happens to be a distant relative and they’ve never heard of this happening. Said the only time keyworkers contact “outside workers” is if there is concerning. Which is a load of bs to be fair, but once I get a hv visit I will be sure to let them know I think so and to contact my lo gp to ‘prove’ my lo hasn’t been on top form health wise

Absolute madness to be honest and very confusing

God this makes me so cross. Education has lost the plot in this country. This is just another example. If someone tried this with me I would write a formal complaint. It’s awful that we can’t just have some compassion and kindness to one another. You are now forced to fight, fight, fight for basic decency in our current schooling system. No wonder so many families think they just take this sort of outrageous overstepping any longer and home educate.

Sorry, for the rant but this is awful.
When I was teaching I had a headteacher refuse to send a little boy home who was really poorly. He spent the entire time asleep in the reading corner. I got a new job.