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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

394 replies

IfeelSoIll · 27/03/2019 12:34

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

OP posts:
67chevvyimpala · 27/03/2019 15:13

The issue for Ofsted is persistent absences.

It's usually the same kids, from the same families.

The issues that cause these persistent absences are often complex and not easily solved.

So that's why the schools go after other parents so they are seen by Ofsted as doing something.

That's what all the letters, phone calls, e mails are about.

Which is one of the reasons why I simply do not give a shit about my children's absence record.

I look forward to the day an EWO tells me they know whats best for my child.

I will hand them their arse on plate.

whyayepetal · 27/03/2019 15:14

mobsnz

Well said (applauds)Grin

BlueSky123456 · 27/03/2019 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Comefromaway · 27/03/2019 15:15

My dh is a teacher. He also has a chronic illness/disability and had to have 6 months off work last year. if he gets a cold or a virus from a student or colleague it disables him for days/weeks.

The school is being massively unreasonable.

Raspberry88 · 27/03/2019 15:15

But blue sky says very clearly he's happy to accommodate genuine illnesses

What about undiagnosed illness?
All that about the workplace is nonsense anyway, plenty of adults are off work.

DishingOutDone · 27/03/2019 15:15

BlueSky so they were all in year 11 then? Just protecting his lovely high results?

frogsoup · 27/03/2019 15:16

Just caught up on the most recent posts. All I can say is that I guess he's lucky that the kids he has expelled don't have parents prepared to kick up a fuss, as the local press would have a field day.

67chevvyimpala · 27/03/2019 15:16

bluesky

Really good way to get rid of those pesky year 11 cohort that aren't going to do very well in their gcses, eh?

67chevvyimpala · 27/03/2019 15:17

Hahaha

A free school??

So. Not a real one then.

Ok.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 27/03/2019 15:17

I’m sure your dh apologises for very little in life. Results can be really helped by booting out anyone who is struggling can’t they. I wouldn’t want his attitudes near my children (all of whom have pretty swanky results too but have maintained their humanity).

Comefromaway · 27/03/2019 15:17

Has Bluesky had a namechange or do we have 2 loopy imaginary free school heads wives on mumsnet?

Saracen · 27/03/2019 15:17

I agree that a child with low school attendance is at risk of not achieving well. That is not a reason for her to be sent in when she is so ill. It is a reason for her to be getting extra help.

So if I were you I would push back. Tell the school that yes, you share their concerns about your daughter's low attendance this year. Remind them that when a child has missed, or is expected to miss, 15 days in total in a year due to ill health they must inform the LA of this so that the LA can ensure appropriate support is in place. The LA should have a named officer responsible for this, and you should be given their contact information. I imagine that if your daughter hasn't yet missed 15 days, she is getting close to that mark and it could reasonably be expected that she will reach it.

In practice, the LA may decide that the school is providing adequate support and your daughter's education is okay with no need for extra tutoring etc, but they must keep an eye on the situation. If the LA's EWO becomes involved and can see that you aren't keeping your daughter home for trivial reasons, they may be able to lean on the school to quit hassling you.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/269469/health_needs_guidance__-_revised_may_2013_final.pdf

That may help to focus the discussion on your daughter's actual health and education, rather than on their attendance figures.

frogsoup · 27/03/2019 15:17

But yes, people like your DH are clearly one of the many reasons why free schools are such an appalling idea.

pink412 · 27/03/2019 15:18

The school is in the wrong here. I had it personally at school I had a spinal operation home 2 days and was told I had to go to school. I was in no fit state and we refused and the school back down. I returned to school 6 months later due to a load of issues.

But the school should not decided if someone is well enough

mbosnz · 27/03/2019 15:18

Has Bluesky had a namechange or do we have 2 loopy imaginary free school heads wives on mumsnet?

I've been spending way too much time on here - I was wondering the same thing!

AuntieCJ · 27/03/2019 15:30

I've been spending way too much time on here - I was wondering the same thing!

Me too. Probably just a colour change. Or yet another GF.

NotACleverName · 27/03/2019 15:30

Definitely a name change going on, @Comefromaway. There can't be two of these cranks at large.

anniehm · 27/03/2019 15:33

The problem is that many parents lie, they let their kids stay home for very minor illnesses and no illness at all because they don't value education. My DD's school failed ofsted because 20% of the kids (and with permission of their parents) didn't attend school enough (remember 90% attendance means having 1 day a fortnight off, no employer would stand for that) the odd days are more of a cause for concern than a week + with a recognised illness.

It was my friends job to investigate why the kids weren't attending school and she got nothing but abuse, she was doing her job set out in law. Rather than be angry talk to the school and raise your concerns and ask about what you can do.

BangingOn · 27/03/2019 15:36

Has Bluesky had a namechange or do we have 2 loopy imaginary free school heads wives on mumsnet?

I was thinking the same. Either we have one very persistent loop imaginary free school head’s wife or imaginary free school heads attract a certain type of wife.

ivykaty44 · 27/03/2019 15:38

Dd had been told not to return to school for a week by consultant after hospital admission. School said oh she can come back and we’ll put her in inclusion, I gave them the consultants number and told them they were welcome to ring him if they thought they knew better... they backed off rapidly and strangely didn’t want to ring even with me there to give permission for them to speak to consultant

mirime · 27/03/2019 15:45

^IfeelSoIll

They sent a letter a few months ago about illness just that in life you have to basically push through sometimes and they expect pupils in^

Yeah. I did that.

^ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

As an aside I had similar symptoms as a teen, which turned out to be glandular fever, which led to CFS. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but it is something maybe to bear in mind, as it can be difficult to test for, but present in that way.^

And ended up similar to ColdTatty.

TeacupDrama · 27/03/2019 15:46

what do these really ill children pushed into schools to help attendance figures actually learn?
if you are dosed up on paracetamol with a bowl to be sick in by your desk i would suggest that the amount of information you absorb is next to nothing and you unwittingly infect half the class

home school contracts fall short of a legal status for a contract to be binding the terms must not be unfair or coercive or completely one sided the penalties and policies must be open and fair not unduly harsh etc just like another contract most home school contracts are not worth the paper they are written on
a fair contract would put obligations on both sides for attendance ie the school must not shut on a day it is meant to be open it must provided education every day ( not baby sitters as not enough teachers) teachers not teaching because of withdrawing labour is also depriving a child of a days education just like a days off sick do,

in a workplace someone who was off sick for 3 weeks (15days) would be looked on very differently to someone with 15 separate 1 day sicknesses on mondays and fridays both are below 90% but one is almost certainly of no concern the other is almost certainly swinging the lead

If I thought that the headteacher was genuinely concerned about the well being of miniIfeelsoill it would be fine but I think as I'm sure OP an other posters do that headteacher is not concerned re mini as much as concerned about ofsted and it is not to use the Scottish phrase GIRFEC ( getting it right for every child) but getting it right for him/herself

maybe it would be possible for mini to be dragged dosed up to school but for what benefit?

uknownothingjonsnow · 27/03/2019 15:51

Do you have a kindly GP or receptionist at your practice? Ask them to do a print out of her medical summary. It's 2 pages at most and is the click of a button and will show appointments and brief summary of visit and you can give that to school. If they still want a proper letter tell them to pay the £25 for it

esmethemum · 27/03/2019 15:56

this school is a disgrace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didn't realise that the school pushed your child out of their womb.
if they think that they have the right to decide if your child is ill or not then you should have the right to make all of their decisions!!!!!!! Bear Envy Angry Angry

EvaHarknessRose · 27/03/2019 16:00

Just be proactive with the attendance officer or educational welfare officer. They will need medical evidence at some point. YANBU the system is assuming everyone is an inadequate parent.

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