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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

394 replies

IfeelSoIll · 27/03/2019 12:34

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 15:04

@BlueSky I doubt very much that your DH’s little power trips get him very far.

BatFace1 · 27/03/2019 15:04

But blue sky says very clearly he's happy to accommodate genuine illnesses

DishingOutDone · 27/03/2019 15:06

I started trying to explain all this then gave up exasperated. I am in a support group for parents of children with long term illnesses, my DD is in a hospital school setting at the moment. We always say now to new parents joining the first thing you have to accept is that school is never going to understand, and they are never going to help you. Once you accept that, things get a lot easier.

Hope your DD is better soon OP and well done for standing up for her. No EWO in their right mind is going to send the boys round for 89% attendance.

BlueSky123456 · 27/03/2019 15:06

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IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 15:06

@BatFace my ds is also inhaler dependent and has been horrendously ill.

Just because you’ve been lucky enough not to need to keep yours off, doesn’t mean everyone else is taking the piss.Hmm

Most parents don’t relish taking the hit in work to accommodate sick children but needs must.

BatFace1 · 27/03/2019 15:06

Here's another question then... what do you think a school should do with a child who's attendance is low? For non specific illness and where serious illness has been ruled out. How should they work with a parent to improve attendance?

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 15:07

It's also important IMO that headteachers crush quickly parents who think they can keep their DC off whenever they feel like it.

Crush parents? Crush? Are you taking the piss? 😂

DishingOutDone · 27/03/2019 15:07

(sorry that's not clear, my DD had to leave her school and is now at a hospital school setting they've been great, its the mainstream schools that will never understand or help)

BatFace1 · 27/03/2019 15:07

@IvanaPee I didn't say other parents were taking the piss at all. Not once.

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 15:07

Well what was the point of your post then, Bat?

BlueSky123456 · 27/03/2019 15:07

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DishingOutDone · 27/03/2019 15:08

BlueSky - OMG - your DH is a Headteacher and he needs to "crush" parents. Beggars belief.

HJWT · 27/03/2019 15:08

@BlueSky123456 Well I am glad my DC doesn't attend your DH school since he clearly comes home and tell you everything.

mbosnz · 27/03/2019 15:09

Nope, nothing in our school's attendance policy that states that they can exclude a student for justified absence - which has within its definition, "Illness backed up by a phone call and note".

Possibly a more progressive school, with a more holistic, child welfare centred attitude. . . who knows. . .

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 27/03/2019 15:09

I’ve always encouraged my employees to stay home if they’re ill. I am “in the land” as is my business.

Raspberry88 · 27/03/2019 15:10

at the sole discretion of the headteacher."

God, that's just terrible imo. I knew someone years ago who was expelled immediately for something they didn't do. Terrible as it was a really good school in an area full of failing schools and they were really delighted to have got in. Anyway, they managed to prove that it wasn't them who had done it but actually someone who had been bullying them and who had set them up. Headteacher had final say and refused to allow the child back to school, despite concrete proof, because that had been his decision in the first place and he didn't go back on decisions. The child struggled to find a place at another school and then struggled with depression, did badly at exams and never made it to Uni. No decision should ever be made by one person only.

DishingOutDone · 27/03/2019 15:10

10 DC have gone already this academic year for breaches of policy by them and their parents

Off rolled. Thousands of kids going missing from education every year because of this practice and schools not held to account. Were most of those 10 pupils in year 11 by any chance BlueSky? Hmm

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 27/03/2019 15:11

How does your dh justify the massive disruption to children’s education he’s caused by forcing them to leave because they “?

mbosnz · 27/03/2019 15:11

DH's school is massively oversubscribed. 10 DC have gone already this academic year for breaches of policy by them and their parents.

It could be that I'm mistaken, given that I'm new to the UK - but I thought high rates of exclusion weren't actually something for a school to brag about?

Bumble1830 · 27/03/2019 15:12

When my eldest son was at school, around maybe 14, he had chronic tonsillitis, I rang the school and said he wouldn't be in, their response... "can he walk?" I said, yes of course he can, they said "well, if he can walk, he is well enough to come to school!!" I didn't go to school.

frogsoup · 27/03/2019 15:12

Bluesky a contract can't bind someone to unreasonable terms. Good luck enforcing those terms in a court of law! The headmaster of a school does not have sole discretion to exclude a child. There are procedures to be followed and multiple avenues of possible complaints to higher places. Although the academy system does, I grant you, give much fuller reign to headteachers to be dictators of their own little fiefdoms, with woefully insufficient democratic accountability. But all the same, every permanently excluded child has significant negative effects on a school budget - round here they basically don't exclude because of this, instead they do 'managed moves' to other schools. The idea that you would exclude a child because a parent hasn't danced sufficiently enthusiastically to a headmasters' bonkers dictats is luckily still in the realms of wilder disciplinary fantasies.

Tink2007 · 27/03/2019 15:13

My youngest DD dropped down to 86% attendance when she started school. She was ill and there was no way she would make it through a whole school day.

I would be massively unimpressed with the school if they called me with that line.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 27/03/2019 15:13

It's abusive to the DC and does them no good.
Ahh yes this will be helped by a good crushing followed by kicking them to the kerb and gossiping about it so your wife can splash it around on MN.

BlueSky123456 · 27/03/2019 15:13

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IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 15:13

@mbonz I don’t think the same rules apply in made up schools Wink