It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

[IfeelSoIll]

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

You did the right thing, IME they won't send her home and that's where she needs to be. There's a lot of good advice here about how to fend them off. I'm also a bit at schools keeping kids in with sick bowls! Every vomiting bug I had at school was a) contagious b) accompanied by diarrhoea c) helped by rest and sleep d) painful and a bit of a spectacle. How is school the place for that????

I've also been in school with a mystery illness causing exhaustion and fatigue. My liver was under attack but it looked like a virus or the onset of CFS. The nurse told me she couldn't send me home after a huge crash just because I was "a bit tired". Told her very calmly to call my mother that instant or I would. And that I would be believed and she'd come and get me whether the nurse "allowed it" or not. She called, I went home and was barely in for the next month. Attendence and not seeming a soft touch are false gods to schools IMO.

I was absolutely fine work wise. It took some catching up (A-level) but didn't impact my straight As in the end.

They’re under a lot of strain from the LA to ensure attendance levels of the whole school don’t dip
And it is so sad that the school feels it right to pass on that pressure onto kids who don't have the samecmsturity to cope with the resilience. Being accused of something you're not doing can have as much negative impact on a teenage self esteem than it does good giving a lazy kid a kicking to get their act together. Sadly there seem to be more kids affected by low self esteem as a result of being assumed to be lazy than there a truly lazy kids becoming dedicated to their studies through strict attitude.

An excellentschool is one that can balance the two well, not one who gets a rating by an agency there only a day or two in 2 or 3 years.

I would be asking who at the school is medically qualified to deem if your DD is well enough or not to attend.

How many days off as she had this year though?

"It's really shitty to have a shitty cold. It makes you feel shitty.
It does not, however, affect your learning ability.

This is the most ludicrous bollocks in a thread packed with ludicrous bollocks." Totally agree!

Everyone who's ever been very sick with a cold etc (which is most of us) knows damn well your concentration is buggered! Your body is concentrating on fighting the infection/injury and so diverting resources from other functions that it deems less important.

There's a lot of talk of presenteeism in the workplace being harmful to other colleagues and physically present customers, workers not being effective workers if they are sick anyway...yet schools/ofsted are pushing this nonsense on kids who are more vulnerable to illness anyway and as we are seeing with the huge increase in mh issues are more vulnerable to feeling pressure/guilt/overly responsible

It's utterly ridiculous!

Totally agree with those posters saying teachers/head teachers/governors etc need to push back to ofsted/govt to tell them that this is bullshit, a waste of their time that should be spent TEACHING and damaging children's health long as well as short term.

Don't even get me bloody started on uniform bollocks!

Very well said haffiana!

"Who catches up the work? The student or the teacher?" Both! But if the teachers aren't wasting time on policing parents and students they'll have more time to do this.

"Ah yes all sick children should be forced into school because some parents are abusive" exactly it's ridiculous! And again - if teachers aren't expected to overly police pupils/families for minor matters they have more time/energy to spot the children likely being abused.

And as for "what about the fakers and skivers" well maybe schools and govt need to consider that kids are faking/skiving more now (if indeed they are I'm not convinced) then it may well be these children are avoiding school because they're avoiding excessive pressure academically, struggling with certain subjects, perhaps bullying (and not always from other pupils!)... It's not always because they're lazy!

"Who catches up the work? The student or the teacher?" Both! But if the teachers aren't wasting time on policing parents and students they'll have more time to do this

So you keep your child off frequently for spurious reasons....it's the teacher's job to catch up on 10% - or more - of missed learning time? When exactly? During the 30 minutes we get for lunch? Or after school meetings, CPD, planning, marking etc? What you actually mean is it's my job to teach your child everything and anything at a time that suits your child regardless of the impact that has on me and my family and my down time. God forbid you, as a parent, should take some responsibility, eh?

Staff who police parents (as you put it), are not the staff who are teaching. They are pastoral staff and/or SLT who's job it is to deal with the stuff that isn't teaching.

No bloody wonder we are leaving in droves, is it?

They’re under a lot of strain from the LA to ensure attendance levels of the whole school don’t dip

Not
My
Problem

...& certainly NOT something I’m going to make my child suffer for.

God forbid you, as a parent, should take some responsibility, eh?
Parents are always responsible for their child’s welfare and education. Teachers like you are part time mercenaries and if they “leave in droves” are surely demonstrating that? Or are you suggesting that parents are “leaving in droves”?

I'm flabbergasted at this thread. I can't believe sick kids would be put under so much pressure to attend school because of stats. Read the op post and substitute employer for school! We would be up in arms and some would be taking a case against their employer if they demanded employees come in to work sick. Your daughter is sick she's missed a lot of school due to recurring viruses maybe they keep recurring because the school are forcing sick children to school and compromising her immunity. A previous poster mentioned letting the ewo get involved and see what they make of the schools demands. As others have suggested I would also encourage you to ask the school to put their request in to writing. Doubt they would commit it to writing....

When it comes to catching up - it's my kids responsibility to find out from their peers and their teacher what they have missed, and to catch up - copying another person's notes, etc (it's a boomerang - their mates can copy theirs, too). I must say though, teachers in the UK seem to be absolutely fantastic at helping kids catch up on what they've missed, we have really appreciated it, because no, I don't think it's the teacher's job, when they're at secondary.

I was off a lot, probable glandular fever followed up by CFS/ME. Teachers never helped me catch up, and I didn't have any peers to ask given that they'd essentially ostracised me. The school did nothing about bullying either...

To be honest though I don’t have time to help kids who’ve missed lots of school catch up. At the most I can email the parents the lesson slides for what they have missed and include a link to an online video. The onus is then on the child to catch up when they are better.

I do agree the school are out of line. I know how much pressure is placed on schools to improve attendance, I also have a 5 year old whose been off at least 5 times this year meaning his attendance is also around 91%. Kids get ill 🤷🏻‍♀️ Some more than others!

@mirime no she doesn't have them that bad. They don't tend to affect her sleep at all, it's more the leaking ear that bothers her. The point is, if I kept her off every time her education would suffer (which in her case as she has hearing loss is already an issue).

CanIleaveNowPlease

Yes.

The sooner the better with an attitude like that.

We need GOOD teachers, not teachers who think ill children should be st school to keep the numbers looking good or who think they’re better placed to decide how ill a child is than their parent.

Mind the door...

I’m not a teacher basher by any means but teachers like you @CanIleavenow are the reason the profession has a bad name.

No wonder you’re leaving in droves? I really hope your ilk are leaving to make way for teachers with a modicum of sense, who can engage their critical thinking skills when it comes to red flags for home abuse, and who see children and their circumstances as individual human being and not stats to keep the numbers churning.

Tell them no and you aren’t arguing over it.

My DS had an ongoing health problem. One term his attendance was pretty poor because his condition had worsened and even though I explained they still insisted he should be sent in. So I sent him and he vomited all over the place. They didn't insist again.

we advise parents to seek medical advice, hence asking for medical evidence to support that this is done. Because we have a responsibility for providing children an education but also safeguarding and welfare

But GPs do not have time or resource to see kids who are mildly ill or who have recovered by the time they get an appointment.

I am not providing a school with evidence that I have sought medical advice. I do remember years ago feeling like the nursery was going to report me to social services if I didn't take ds to the doctors about something. So in the end I went. Told GP why I was there, and she said "oh we get a lot of that". DS was of course fine, as I knew full well.

Below 90% is a serious concern

Well it would be if it happened all the time. I know the OP's dd is in Y7 but is it beyond the wit of the school to ask her primary school if this is part of a pattern? And don't quote GDPR at me, this is legitimate interest and is allowed.

If she has viral infections it means they’re likely contagious. And if she’s unwell they can just fuck off - and I’d have told them so. My eldest had the same problem where in one year his attendance was terrible, but he was constantly unwell (probably because they weren’t allowed to wear coats in the school grounds as they were deemed untidy and he got constantly wet and cold). But never did they demand we take him in! Fuck that.

Her attendance is low enough that it is now impacting on her education and she's missing too much.

Is there a possibility that there's something at school upsetting her? That she doesn't want to go so plays up the "I feel unwell" so she can stay at home, especially if she hasn't got a temperature.

Home education is always an option. Many home educators start out that way because of issues with the school. Getting your vhild well is the MOST IMPORTANT feature in all this - a sick child learns nothing anyway - except if made to go to school, when they learn that no-one is listening to how they feel...

*"It's really shitty to have a shitty cold. It makes you feel shitty.
It does not, however, affect your learning ability.

This is the most ludicrous bollocks in a thread packed with ludicrous bollocks*

Surely this depends on the cold. If you have a really bad cold then you might have a temperature and be bed bound. There's quite a lot in between when you feel a bit shit, but can dose up on lemsip and go to work or school (probably ducking out of extra curricula and social stuff in favour of going straight home and having a honey and lemon).

IfeelSoIll. Cripes! I am diving in without time to read all - so sorry!
No! YANBU!!!!
I was a Teacher - changed career. Taught Primary and Secondary. This request (order) is inhumane! Complain to whoever we go to nowadays.

Don't they care about the child?

Never would I trust a School to decide about my child's fitness for school over mine! It's obvious! You know your child!

I can't take this. Bloody fascist state coming in via education... I am so fed up.

I did have a HoD in a Uni where I was a Research Fellow who said I had to go in with a migraine to prove to him I got so ill with them! What? How? Drive? Train and walk? I can't see, am so heaving sick that I pooh as well, I pass out, I go numb down one side, but all that is nothing compared to the pain! I want to be dead because of the pain. It is indescribable. It's not like childbirth - did that 3 times and they didn't bring the pain control in time - because it's a different really cruel pain. Really cold like steel knife in your eye and ... Sorry! I think you know!!

Anyway! You must not do what this stupidly terrible and cruel and uncaring and in all ways wrong school are telling you!

Love to DD. Do hope she soon gets through all this. Mine had similar in mid teens. Ended up having tonsils out. Sort-of helped... Take care young one! ok, too babyish

Wow they are control freaks! It’s at your discretion, she is your child after all

School staff with no medical qualifications and who haven't seen the ill child have no business advising parents to seek medical advice. There are plenty of times when this will be completely inappropriate: the NHS is quite clear that a GP visit isn't always desirable. I know there are some GP practices who've taken schools to task when they start this shit. More of them should. It's not in anybody's interest, and that includes the schools.