To consider polyamory?

[sweetbutpycho]

Has anyone switched from monogamy? We already have in the sense of threesomes and so forth (I'm bisexual) so are we effectively already that way inclined? We have been together 10 years and have done all sorts of weird and beautiful things together plus come through some real shitty times stronger than ever. I would say I become emotionally attached very easily and since coming of hormonal contraception, my sex drive is finally back (albeit stronger than ever!) and I am now more on par with my husbands.... not that sex is what's important here.

Anyway, any thoughts from those who have made this jump? Or know of people who have? All I know is that I am definitely capable of loving more than one - DH has already pointed this out and vocalised what I've been thinking all along.

My faith makes things difficult however, from extensive research I am coming around to the idea. Please make no mistake, we are a professional couple who have worked for all we have and are definitely not 'away with the fairies', this is a general consideration to some degree.

I don't know how anyone would have the emotional, mental or physical energy for multiple sexual partners, not as a mature adult with kids, working and other responsibilities anyway.

Personally I don't see the problem. Replace dogma with humanity. It works.

There are plenty of f**ked up people from monogamous families.
Most people are in non monogamous and in open relationships they just haven't told their OH IME.

There is more valid information on the internet OP. Have a read of Relationship Anarchy. Because that is what this is. Anarchy and you will get slated on here for it.

I'm just here for the honking shoulders

Relationship Anarchy

Brilliant.

I've dabbled in this many, many years ago.

It was exhausting and I felt I was always tending to my relationships. New relationships were exciting and needed navigating, and old relationships needed soothing. It was exciting in part, but for me I just didn't want my entire life to be about my relationship. Committed poly people seemed to love this bit - the rush of new love and thrill seemed to be their main motivator. I like my long marriage where we support each other, but fundamentally trust in our bond and are very satisfied in our monogamy.

That said, the people I was involved with are still living a poly life. It seems tiresome, but they are happy and have been together 30+ years now. They didn't have kids.

Another one saying don't bother: just more people to lie to you and hurt you. I suppose it would be a first on MN: LTBS

Mumsnet seems like such an odd place to come for advice on poly relationships.

Surely pretty much anywhere would be better placed to give you serious advice.

Surely pretty much anywhere would be better placed to give you serious advice.

True if your definition of “serious” is “agrees with the OP”.

If you have children and live a "lifestyle" which includes both partners being allowed to invite other adults into their lives, this runs the risk of...well...bringing weirdos into your children's lives.

Why don't you just split up if you want to fuck other people?

If sex is THAT vital to your life and it MUST be with lots of different people, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

I don’t see the harm at all if everyone is a consenting adult.

Agree mn is not the right place to ask, I’ve found it to be very close-minded on non-conforming relationships! Selfish to want to experience a different way of relationship? Yeah ok.

As long as you are sensible in regards to your kids, as any parent should be in any relationship/dating then go for it. Just keep communications open between you and whoever you’re dating, so if one person doesn’t feel it there is no obligation to continue.

I know a few poly families in real life.

Every one of them is a dysfunctional train wreck. It seems to be having a negative impact on the kids too.

Wouldn’t recommend it.

This emphasis on not inviting adults into DCs lives is weird? I share the view that care is needed, but not sure why this is a poly-risk thing? What hapoens if you split up with your mono partner? Never date again?

Bleary - in my experience of poly, it’s more the speed of the introductions - quite often people meet online via poly groups, the relationship moves very quickly and bingo, suddenly strangers staying over and meeting the kids.

It should be no different from regular dating-while-a-parent, but in practice it seems to be all about the adults’ want for fun and excitement and not so much about the kids needs.

I see no difference in that and a lot of mono ppl i know who jump straight onto tinder/POF etc after coming out of a relationship?

Some people find the constant insistence that heterosexual monogamy is the only healthy way to live and raise children to be self indulgent bullshit. But don't feel obliged to jump on every (countless) thread about how difficult it is to roll their eyes at it.

If you have children and live a "lifestyle" which includes both partners being allowed to invite other adults into their lives, this runs the risk of...well...bringing weirdos into your children's lives.

How more than any "new" relationship? Everyone of those will run a "risk"?

Why don't you just split up if you want to fuck other people?

But surely that's the whole poly thing they DON'T want to split up?

If sex is THAT vital to your life and it MUST be with lots of different people, then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

Sex is THAT important to me in my marriage, doesn't make me odd! Not with various people for me, but that's me!

Whilst poly is 💯 not for me, the judgemental post by @HennyPennyHorror is shocking!! It seems to be saying that a parent can't have a relationship outside of the parent of their children and sex being important is wrong!

Arghh bold Gail on my post 😡

Fail not gail .... ffs

honking shoulders

OP, I don't think you need to seek validation from people on a forum if this is what you want to do. If you're not sure about it, take more time to decide.

Do you mean that you and your DH want a bf/gf to share? Or do you mean that you can have a partner and he can have a partner, but not together? Or do you mean that you both share a partner, but like on different nights they are with you and the next they are with him? Or do you mean that you have a partner and he doesn’t? Or do you mean that he has a partner and you don’t?
I don’t understand what’s going on here, or what a honking shoulder is? Or what a pycho is?

Some people find the constant insistence that heterosexual monogamy is the only healthy way to live and raise children to be self indulgent bullshit.

You’ve actually heard people “constantly insist” this in real life? Where on earth do you hang out?

If all parties enter freely and are in agreement I see not harm. But I struggle to see how it would work in reality.
Would all activities be done in trios or pairs? How to make sure there are no favourites... not sure how it would work in terms of long term and rights, pensions...

@FamilyOfAliens

Mainly on mumsnet! Just because the OP is carefully considering something thats not heterosexual monogamy people hahe piled on to say its going to be detrimental to the children to meet new partners too quickly (cos we never see that in the one man plus one woman model do we!) and that its self indulgent nonsense.

If you do have children I thinks it's disgusting to expose them to this type of lifestyle. Revolving door of people. It is all about sex even if you want to deny that. I dont think children should be drawn into that seedy life.

Honestly I think there is a big element of attention seeking and/or an issue with intimacy.
Everyone I know who is polyamorous seems keen to talk about it.
Small hint - most people don't give a toss.