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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if she wants to be a vegetarian she can help cook sometimes!!

106 replies

User13820581 · 26/03/2019 18:45

DD is 11. Recently she's been going on about becoming a vegetarian. This is for moral/ethical issues re animals.

DW and I are quite happy for her to make her own choices, however we've said that we would appreciate some help in the kitchen sometimes, as we aren't prepared to all become vegetarians so will mean cooking seperate food. (Was thinking twice a week or so, not every day)

Apparently, this is totally unfair, and we can't make her help, she isn't our slave and we aren't respecting her moral beliefs....

Someone tell me I'm not being rediculous and a nearly turned 12 year old is capable of helping out in the kitchen a couple of times a week? She does food tech at school so it's not like she doesn't know how to cook basics, and anything else we would always help her with.

OP posts:
sleepismysuperpower1 · 26/03/2019 18:47

YANBU. it will help her later in life to be able to cook anyway, and it's to accommodate her not the other way round.

LEDadjacent · 26/03/2019 18:47

YANBU!

ShitAtScarbble · 26/03/2019 18:49

"can't make her help, she isn't our slave" - your 11 year old daughter speaks to you like that? Shock Why on earth do you allow that for starters?

mbosnz · 26/03/2019 18:50

YADNBU. Sorry, if she wants to do something that is going to make quite a bit more work for you in terms of planning, shopping, and cooking, then she can step up and help. And yes, good on her for her strong convictions etc. But we need to be prepared to make the sacrifices for our convictions, not expect others to do so, and we get to feel all virtuous, while not doing any of the hard yards.

missmouse101 · 26/03/2019 18:50

YANBU at all. I'm afraid I said no to my daughter as it's already major hassle preparing food when we work full-time. We only have meat a couple of times a week anyway. When she buys and cooks her own food, she can do what she likes.

StrawberrySquash · 26/03/2019 18:51

YABU. Time for a talk about how your household is a community and as she gets older, never mind the veggie, it's only fair that she contributes more. Also it's a life skill. Maybe try and approach it by asking her what she thinks is reasonable. Can you pick out veggie dishes she'd like to try and you guys try them too? Show her some give and take? But yeah, a good friend of mine went veggie as a teenager and with that came a certain amount of responsibility for food.

sar302 · 26/03/2019 18:51

Has she been watching Kevin and Perry?😄

I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE (flounce)

mimibunz · 26/03/2019 18:51

At 11 I would say YABU. It’s your job to nurture and support her. Surely you can work with her to find vegetarian options that she can eventually make for herself? It sounds like you’re fighting her instead of supporting her decision.

ladybee28 · 26/03/2019 18:52

Probably good for her to be helping in the kitchen regardless of her choices about what she eats, no?

Might be worth separating her contributing to the making of meals from her culinary convictions...

burritofan · 26/03/2019 18:52

Lolololol. Tell her you have a moral belief in sharing the cooking.

Chocolateisfab · 26/03/2019 18:52

Remind her you aren't her slave.
My dc are expected to help with whatever is in the menu.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 26/03/2019 18:52

I agree she should be helping to cook. However I'm vegan and DH/DC are not, so we've spent several years cooking meals that are vegan as baseline and adding meat/cheese as needed at the end. Works quite well and not much additional effort!

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 26/03/2019 18:53

My sister once declared she was becoming a vegetarian. My mother said "fine, but you'll have to plan and cook your all your own meals."
It lasted just under a week.

FriarTuck · 26/03/2019 18:55

After a flounce like that she'd either be doing all her own cooking (for a bit) or eating meat.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 26/03/2019 18:57

11 seems a good age for helping in the kitchen regardless - but if she wasn’t expected to help before I can see why she’s stropping, it’s almost like a punishment for making an ethical stand. Won’t do the rest of the family any harm to reduce their meat consumption either.

I also think getting her involved in the shopping might be more helpful, as she will then find out exactly how many things contain meat by-products (eg Parmesan, yoghurts, sweets).

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/03/2019 18:58

I'd be buying her a veggie meals for one cookery book and telling her to get chopping with that attitude. You are not being unreasonable.

whiteroseredrose · 26/03/2019 19:00

I was veggie at that age and made my own food. Often it was beans on toast or egg on toast and some fruit. But it was my choice.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 26/03/2019 19:19

Tell her that of course you respect her beliefs, but that she needs to a) respect that not everyone shares them and b) as these are HER beliefs, it really isn’t asking a lot to expect her to chop the odd onion in order to live by them.

Out of interest, is she an only child? If not, make sure your other children help out too (if they’re old enough) so that she knows it’s not a ‘punishment’ for turning vegetarian.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 26/03/2019 19:23

Has she any siblings?
Are they expected to cook?

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 26/03/2019 19:29

Still But what many on these threads seem to miss is that eating meat is her parents’ belief that they have imposed on the family. There is simply no getting away from the fact that reducing meat consumption is better for health and the environment, but it’s extraordinary how so often parents really really don’t like their offspring coming to this realisation and I think they react very hostilely to it.

goose1964 · 26/03/2019 19:30

Of course she should cook at 11 I could cook a Sunday lunch plus a number of other dishes, in fact it was, and still is, the only bit of housework I like.

FullOfJellyBeans · 26/03/2019 19:32

YANBU. Being ethical is difficult and involves hassle, you have to take on that hassle yourself. It's very easy to stick to your morals when it just involves bossing other people around!

mbosnz · 26/03/2019 19:32

Weepingwillow, the parents are the ones doing the planning, the paying, the shopping, and the cooking. They are entitled to do this according to their beliefs.

Veterinari · 26/03/2019 19:34

It depends - does she have siblings and do they help out? Or is the need to help out entirely contingent upon her making different ethical choices to you? If so then you aren’t being supportive or fair.

Either support her choices. Or work with her to allocate age-appropriate chores/life skills across a range of tasks to her and any siblings. But don’t make one dependent upon the other

spanishwife · 26/03/2019 19:35

I used to cook at least once a week at that age without prompt and would help my mum or dad the other days with food prep or washing up, it was just the obvious thing to do and my mum had involved me with cooking in general since I was a child. Start now by doing things together and maybe she'll get into it!

Can you sit and work on a meal plan for the week together so she can help suggest your veggie meals and so you can work out alternatives for when she does it meat? I think the key is working together and gradually shifting responsibility rather than just dumping it on her suddenly.

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