To think that if she wants to be a vegetarian she can help cook sometimes!!

[User13820581]

DD is 11. Recently she's been going on about becoming a vegetarian. This is for moral/ethical issues re animals.

DW and I are quite happy for her to make her own choices, however we've said that we would appreciate some help in the kitchen sometimes, as we aren't prepared to all become vegetarians so will mean cooking seperate food. (Was thinking twice a week or so, not every day)

Apparently, this is totally unfair, and we can't make her help, she isn't our slave and we aren't respecting her moral beliefs....

Someone tell me I'm not being rediculous and a nearly turned 12 year old is capable of helping out in the kitchen a couple of times a week? She does food tech at school so it's not like she doesn't know how to cook basics, and anything else we would always help her with.

I wouldn't expect her to help BECAUSE she is a vegetarian, I would expect her to help because she is of an age to start learning some basics.

11 is plenty old enough to cook and if she thinks she’s old enough to expect you to respect her views she needs to start acting it.

I became vegetarian around this age and my parents took this attitude - didn't have a brilliant diet as a result as I mostly ate microwaveable veggie lasagnes. I managed it for about a decade before returning to meat as it felt 'easier' then in adulthood slowly cutting down to almost no meat.

Not saying you shouldn't help her to learn to cook and feed herself well.. as presumably you would anyway but it probably will make her feel like she was punished for being difficult as opposed to being support to explore trying to do something ethical. Would you be suggesting she do the same if she just didn't like certain foods? (My brother for example was a really fussy eater but wasn't made to cook for himself like I was.. my mum respected his preferences!)

While it is a choice rather than a necessity.. It's actually pretty good practice to cut down on meat consumption for all sorts of reasons. As a now only 'flexitarian' adult I would be encouraging this behaviour, it may not last forever.

YANBU and for fairness, I would say that the slave comment has made you think about all the things you do for her that she could and should pitch in on - laundry, tidying as well as cooking.

Totally reasonable, though with my dd I just told her if she was vegetarian she wasn't allowed to be fussy with anything else! She cooks a bit - mostly omelette and stir fry, and sometimes cooks for us strange foods (seitan apparently it's called). I buy frozen veg options from Aldi and you can get good veggie pies eg pukka these days. 1-2 times a week we have veggie too

She should be helping in the kitchen anyway-and so should her siblings.
When we had vegetarians living at home we had 3 days vegetarian meals for everyone, 3 days meat meals with a vegetarian option and a roast dinner with a vegetarian roast thing. And everyone helped.

She should be able to do at least the basics. I had to make my own food at a very early age as I was diagnosed with coeliac disease aged 5.

However, we were expected to carry out age appropriate chores since we were very young so there were never any arguments about it. We lived together as a family so we worked together as a family.

I would say it's reasonable to ask her to pitch in with cooking anyway at that age but that would only be fair if any siblings also have to pitch in

A few Sunday roasts with just veg on her plate (no roasties or yorkies if cooked in goose fat or dripping) may persuade her that participating in cooking was a good idea

How about supporting her and start eating less meat all round. Its good for you and the planet. Im not a vegetarian but fecking hell you sound like you're stuck in the 70s. Appreciate how awesome your daughter is.

Weeping - it's not the moral factor most parents object to, it's the extra work or having a vegetarian/vegan diet imposed on the whole household by a child.

My children eat the same diet as me and DH. We "impose" our diet on them because that's the food we cook.

I think it is nice that she wants to be more ethically minded.

Depends on what you cook but I can think of quite a few meals that are easily adapted. And on the days that they can't be maybe she can just have a jacket potato or vegetarian ready meal.

Why don't you compromise, could you commit to cooking veggie for the family twice a week and then she is in charge once a week with some help?

Agree that if you have other dc of appropriate age then they should also do their turn in helping.

But try not to kill her youthful optimism about making a positive change for the planet, it's something we should all do.

"can't make her help, she isn't our slave" - your 11 year old daughter speaks to you like that?

Why on earth do you allow that for starters?" This!

I've been veggie 30 years, I was older at 16 but at 11/12 I could and did help with cooking dinner anyway! Perfectly acceptable expectation in my book, my dd has been cooking since about that age, she makes a fab chilli! My brother and sister both younger than me were also expected to help out in age appropriate ways.

I'd wanted to be veggie from 14 but parents refused at that point as mum was working shifts and tiny kitchen meant we couldn't both be cooking at same time. So I eat veggie except for tea at home, then when I was 16 I was at college a good distance away and eating at a very different time to rest of family, if I was even eating at home at all, so could just make my own (and clean up after)

Cooking is a life skill and it doesn't even have to be anything particularly difficult either.

What kind of meals do you have?

I've rarely put myself in the position of having to make 2 completely separate meals, even as the wife and mother of omnivores, most meals are easily adaptable to later add the meat element, or just cook meat/veggie protein separately. Especially now with the wealth of veggie food available.

Snowflake But it’s not extra work if you accept that actually it’s a good idea. So it is the moral factor. Parents don’t want their DC to point out their moral shortcomings!

YA and ANBU here. Yes, as a 12 year old she is definitely old enough to help out with chores like cooking/meal planning.

But I would keep this as the focus on why you now require her to help - not being vegetarian.

Otherwise it is a bit like a punishment for what really is a great action by her (I say that as a non veggie). Especially if she has siblings of similar age or older that won't be expected to help.

So many meals can be easily adapted, eg, veggie patty instead of meat patty or chicken. Have more meat free meals as a family. Keep a few vegetarian ready meals in the freezer. And there is always an option of beans or egg on toast. That should cover just about every day pretty easily.

I think helping out in the kitchen would be a great experience. You could make it more exciting for her by letting her chose recipes bans making the meal as a family just an idea. At that age is of loved to cook and lwsnr how to get these skills

Would you expect her to help with meals if she ate meat? If no, then it seems unfair to effectively punish her with more chores because she’s taking a, very justified, moral stance. Presumably you eat vegetables even on days when you have meat and you can just use a meat substitute burger/sausage/falafel that day for her.

LOL, now my kids are a little older (15 and 9) they are welcome to sort out their own meals if they don't like what I am cooking.

Funnily enough, they usually just eat what is put in front of them because they can't be bothered.

I haven't got time to prepare extra meals, they can eat it, or not.

My children learned early on not to try the 'I'm not your slave' line. I quickly stopped being their slave.

It's not extra work if you cook veggie for the whole family

The rest of the family don't want to eat veggie. Why the hell should they?

It's a thundering nuisance having just one member of the family being a veggie and would I chuff expect everyone else to forego meat too.

However, I am more shocked that you have allowed a situation to develop where she speaks to you like that. "I'm not your slave?" My dc would have got extremely short shrift from us if they'd ever dared to speak in that way.

Keep serving her normal meals until she decides if she wants to become a vegetarian and cook for herself or not

My youngest wanted to go veggie last year age 8 and I said yes but he needed to come up with 5 lunchtime & 5 dinner meal ideas and cook something once a week. He's been brilliant and can now (with supervision) make a batch of veggie curry, a butternut squash & a minestrone soup, macaroni cheese & veggie burgers with homemade chips and veggie toad in the hole. He really enjoys cooking now and we still make a point of making something together most weekends plus the rest of the family are really enjoying some of the veggie food which we would never have done. So it can be a positive but with her stinky attitude I'd have told her to sod off

It really isn’t difficult to cook for a vegetarian and non vegetarians. Usually all you need is an extra pan. For example. Make a curry sauce. Then take our a portion and put chickpeas in it. Put chicken in the rest. Sausages- easy peasy. It reLly isn’t a problem unless someone wants to make it a problem.