To think that if she wants to be a vegetarian she can help cook sometimes!!

[User13820581]

DD is 11. Recently she's been going on about becoming a vegetarian. This is for moral/ethical issues re animals.

DW and I are quite happy for her to make her own choices, however we've said that we would appreciate some help in the kitchen sometimes, as we aren't prepared to all become vegetarians so will mean cooking seperate food. (Was thinking twice a week or so, not every day)

Apparently, this is totally unfair, and we can't make her help, she isn't our slave and we aren't respecting her moral beliefs....

Someone tell me I'm not being rediculous and a nearly turned 12 year old is capable of helping out in the kitchen a couple of times a week? She does food tech at school so it's not like she doesn't know how to cook basics, and anything else we would always help her with.

My dd is 14 and been veggie for a while. I also have ds aged 5.

If I am cooking for ds and can do a veggie alternative at the same time with the same effort I will cook dds. So if its a freezer food night and he's having fishfingers or pizza I will chuck her some quorn fillets in or a pizza. If we are having something as a family I can do veggie for I do, so sausage and mash and she has veggie sausage.

If we are having something like spag bol she makes her own veggie version, and once or twice a week she will cook for her and ds, so quesadillas or pasta, or she will cook for herself.

She has been cooking meals since she was 9, with supervision and now can make quite a few different dishes.

Her choice to be veggie, which am fine with, but other than keeping a few bags of quorn stuff and making sure she gets protein from other sources (aldi do little packs of nuts and stuff which I buy for her) it's her choice, and therefore her responsibility to make sure she doesn't live on pasta with pesto.

I became a veggie around the same age about 25 plus years ago, my parents did not understand it at all. Though they supported it fully, my situation was kind of the reverse of yours-I was never allowed in the kitchen to cook, so they made the meals(they hated mess, also they would not allow time taken away from academic studies!)
I learnt to cook in my late 20s and would have appreciated learning the basics in my youth!
Veggie food is not difficult as such, nine times out of ten-a good mediterranean mix of veggies roasted in the oven in tray, is fairly simple.
Also you could encourage her to look up some recipes from youtube, watch it together and then attempt it.

'Some people get so defensive about their right to eat meat, settle down'! 😂

Yes and same to those who get so sanctimonious about their right no to! 'Moral shortcoming' is my favourite so far!

There are loads of lovely meat free recipes you can make OP - why not try a few a week and get everyone involved in the cooking?

It's good opportunity to rethink family meals and maybe all eat vegetarian 3-5 times a week.

Do a weekly meal plan and get her involved with this so you can decide what she will eat when you are having meat.

I would support her with developing her cooking skills but I wouldn't deep end her.

Your DD helping in the kitchen has nothing to do with her choosing to be vegetarian. She should be helping with the kitchen and housework anyway. And if she already does food tech she has probably learnt enough to make most of her own vegetarian meals.

@PregnantSea she will either have to eat meat or eat nothing this is such a cruel sentiment towards a little girl who is clearly struggling with the idea of consuming innocent, defenceless animals who are just as entitled to a life as she is.

If you want your children to help cook fine. But don't punish your daughter for not wanting to be evil.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney I used to be vegan. It was a huge pain in the arse for everyone in my family (this was a long time ago, back when most people didn't even know what the word meant). So I started doing a lot of the cooking. It was a great opportunity to introduce my family to different foods. It was a great learning experience for me that started a lifelong passion for cooking. What is the problem with their daughter doing this? Have we come to a point in society where expecting an 11 yr old to help out at home in order to suit her own lifestyle choices is cruel? She thinks it would be slave labour to help cook, so I think it is fair to be strict on her about this at the risk of her becoming spoilt and unable to look after herself.

And you have intentionally misquoted me to make it look like I was being cruel, when I wasn't. You missed out the part where I said she should help cook and then just left the other two options. Please read what people have written properly before getting upset about it and calling them cruel.

Wow! Attitude problem from her or what???

I imagine very few of us have raised children without at least once being accused of being a slave driver! Pat for the course, I’d say. Just laugh and agree-then point out all the stuff you do to make her life go smoothly.

She’s right about respecting he ethical standpoint, though. You do need to discuss calmly together how you’re going to make it work. A mixture of veggie for everybody, easy substitutions and her having something very simple but completely different-like beans on toast is an easy way to do it. And everybody needs to help, not just her.

We are a family of 4 with one vegetarian. It's no hassle at all to accommodate all of us with very little extra effort. If you want your dd to help more in the kitchen, or around the house in general, then address that issue and stop punishing her for thinking about what she eats.

My ds18 announced he’s going vegetarian for lent with his friends , we’re not even the slightest bit religious but ok..
I’ve told him when he’s home from Uni he can cook his own meals if we have something with meat , I didn’t think that was unfair as he cooks while he’s at uni.
I think it’s very fair your dd atleast helps

nokidshere
It’s not punishment, what are you on?
You say it’s good for her to be thoughtful about her food so why shouldn’t that include the prep? That’s just as important in life as where it comes from.

I read they are willing to do it twice a week ... so they are accommodating and supporting but don’t want veggie every day... so she will need to
Do the rest which is fair.

You could try on the days you cook recipes that can be frozen and cook bigger batches so there is some in the freezer for her to help a little more .
www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/10603/roasted-vegetable-lasagne

This is a nice one ... over toast the veg it caramelises them better ... try adding some red onion ... don’t worry about making a separate Red sauce use tinned chopped tomatoes ... put it on veg when all cooked ... a bit more cheese than it suggests helps too 😉 I am doing veggie meals once -
Twice a week to try to be healthier

X x

Yanbu but all kids that age should be helping out in the kitchen, not just vegetarian ones.

When I went veggie at that kind of age I batch-cooked at the weekend and froze portions, and typically I would have supermarket veggie sausages or burgers a couple of times a week along with whatever side veg the family were having with their pork chops or whatever, i'd have one of my portions from the freezer a couple of times a week and the whole family would eat a veggie meal a couple of times a week.

YANBU but I don’t think she should only start just because she’s becoming a vegetarian, I just think every 11/12 year old should start cooking. My DS is 9 and he helps with cooking, makes himself eggs and beans on toast already .

“nokidshere
It’s not punishment, what are you on?”

It is punishment if she only has to help because she’s a vegetarian, or if the other members of the family don’t have to help.

ffs some of these posts

she shold be helping out anyway-and who does she think she is talking to you like that

It has nothing to do with someone’s expected right to eat meat (although I have as much right to want to eat meat as a vegetarian has the right not to) but has everything to do with conforming to everyone’s dietary fads when you’re the one doing the cooking.

If you have four picky children one of which eats x and the other eats y and someone else doesn’t eat something else you could easily be in a position where you’re cooking a multitude of meals to feed each individual choice, regardless of whether that choice is based on apparent moral standpoint or not (and let’s face it, a lot of twelve year olds are crowd followers and don’t always know what they’re looking at doing until they actually start doing so and very few stick to it).

So it’s simple, if you want to be a vegetarian then crack on. But if you think that entitles you to demand I cook separate meals for you than for the other family then you have much to learn. the same applies to the child who refuses to eat other foods just because they’ve decided not to.

Other than for health reasons there is no reason why a parent should be expected to cook to entertain every child’s separate choices and fads.

With moral choices come responsibilities. And I am not responsible for your moral choices. If you don’t want the meat or fish I serve with dinner you can either go without or cook your own.

We actually don’t eat all that much meat but do eat quite a lot of fish. I wouldn’t change that for anyone.

"Ok, I'll cook vegetarian meals most days, it's healthier for us too. You'll need to do some cooking on Sundays etc for roasts
You now need to do all your own washing, ironing and organising. You also need to take yourself to all your activities.

I am not your slave either, kiddo."

“nokidshere
It’s not punishment, what are you on?” It is punishment if she only has to help because she’s a vegetarian, or if the other members of the family don’t have to help.

? That's what I said? She should be helping anyway and not just because she has decided to become vegetarian

Children should contribute to the household by doing chores. It is character building and helps build their resilience and independence. The time they give to chores should be balanced with time they need for homework and to play. They should also contribute pocket money to pay for activities. I don't agree with them doing X y and z activities that are all funded by parents. I used to save my pocket money to contribute to horse riding lessons, for example. Spoiling children results in 'I am not your slave!' comments

@BertrandRussell sorry I mean to reply to the original comment only. But yes I agree with you.

It is punishment if she only has to help because she’s a vegetarian, or if the other members of the family don’t have to help. actually no, if you cook separate meals for the other kids’ picky habits and they don’t have to help then it’s a punishment for being vegetarian. But if she’s the only one with different eating choices then it’s not.

Being a vegetarian is not a fad or being picky.

And catering for one vegetarian is hardly any extra work at all. People do get incredibly ariated about vegetarians!

depressingly a lot of grown adults think being veggie is picky or faddy - even while more and more people, especially young adults in their 20s, are choosing to reduce or cut out meat and dairy, for both health and environmental reasons.