To think that if she wants to be a vegetarian she can help cook sometimes!!

[User13820581]

DD is 11. Recently she's been going on about becoming a vegetarian. This is for moral/ethical issues re animals.

DW and I are quite happy for her to make her own choices, however we've said that we would appreciate some help in the kitchen sometimes, as we aren't prepared to all become vegetarians so will mean cooking seperate food. (Was thinking twice a week or so, not every day)

Apparently, this is totally unfair, and we can't make her help, she isn't our slave and we aren't respecting her moral beliefs....

Someone tell me I'm not being rediculous and a nearly turned 12 year old is capable of helping out in the kitchen a couple of times a week? She does food tech at school so it's not like she doesn't know how to cook basics, and anything else we would always help her with.

Cooking is an essential life skill anyway, it will be good for her to chip in and help with cooking, and it helps them to understand that dinner doesn't just happen, it takes time and effort to shop, prepare and cook a meal.

My dc are 18 and 20 now, but have both cooked dinner at least once a week since they were about 12 or 13.

I think you are being entirely reasonable to ask for her help, not just with one or two meals but with menu planning too. I'm sure you can come up with lots of meals you can all enjoy. My DC have always helped in the kitchen. They have an understanding of what's involved in preparing an entire meal from scratch and would realise it's a big ask to want something different every time. She'll need to understand that it's not as easy as dropping meat from her diet and especially as she still has growing to do she needs to find other sources of protein. What is she planning on living on same as you minus the meat, ready meals, beans on toast? As pp's have suggested I'd be getting her a veggie cookbook and start letting her choose one or two things you can make together, show her how to double up, have portions to freeze on nights when the rest of the family are having meat, show her you have to plan ahead as you won't necessarily have all the ingredients in the cupboard.

"It is punishment if she only has to help because she’s a vegetarian, or if the other members of the family don’t have to help."

I slightly disagree with this, @BertrandRussell - I don't see it as a punishment for her becoming a vegetarian - more a natural consequence. Her choice is going to create extra work for whoever is doing the cooking, and it would be unfair if she didn't help out with this. But you are absolutely right that it shouldn't be presented as a punishment, or thought of in that way, and of course, other members of the household should be helping out too.

It ought to be a positive thing for her - she gets to make her moral choice, and learns a valuable life skill at the same time.

If I were @User13820581, I would be telling her that cooking is a vital skill that she will need when she is older, whether or not she is vegetarian - and that a family is a team, and everyone needs to help out - in a way that is fair and proportionate, based on age and other priorities. I would also ask her whether she thought it was fair for her to make a choice that gave her mum extra work, without being willing to help out with that at all.

Surely she is helping with cooking anyway? Eg chopping veg etc

So actually I wouldn’t make this about being vegetarian but about the fact that she should be helping cook anyway and you will respect her beliefs by not asking her to do anything to do with meat as part of that.

As several others have said, children helping with jobs because of the many different things it teaches is important - her moral and ethical views shouldn't really be a factor in this.

I made the decision to become a veggie within a meat-eating family aged 10. I'm not sure my mum expected it to last but I'm still going, 24 years later! I have enormous respect for my mum for supporting me from such a young age. She never once tried to make me change my mind and I'm really grateful to her for always ensuring I had something healthy to eat. Often, this was just a slightly modified version of what everyone else was having but it was pre-Quorn etc and at a time when being a veggie was virtually unheard of (particularly where we lived in the States) so it definitely would have been harder then than now.

Find a way that works for you all to share the workload, but I think supporting your daughter's wishes will be something that will really help your relationship. Especially when she's 34, cooking all the family meals and thinking back fondly ;)

The veggie thing is a red herring (quorn herring). You suggested she help and she threw a strop about being a slave. Time for everyone to start sharing the load.