Am I being too tight?

[bearsBEARS]

hallo, name change for this but long time reader first time poste.r
My DP brought up an issue the other day an ive been thinking about it.
He got his dream job on Friday after months and months of worrying and i bought him a small gift of a plant that cost £3.
He brought up then that I didn't get him material gifts enough. He said in the time we've been together I've surprised him with two things - a bag of coffee. He buys me things every week and sends tiny presents, pays for cinema tickets and buys meals. He is on the same wage as me but i want to save all my money where he is happy to treat.
Is this unreasonable? Should I try harder/

The gifts are one thing, some people like to give and receive little gifts frequently, your boyfriend is one of those people so he will be disappointed to give so much and receive so little. Yabu there. Him paying for everything while you save all your money is beyond tight and very very very unreasonable. You should go Dutch or save as much as you like by not going out. How you can't see this is beyond me tbh.

My partner and I turn into Mrs Doyle when its time to pay "Put your money away" "No, you put YOUR money away"

I've never passively accepted anyone paying for everything or anything! Even if it's say, my birthday I'll at least offer to go halves!

If you've never given it a thought then I'm afraid to say that you probably are a bit tight. Make sure you go halves on everything at least. Why don't you take him out to dinner to apologise?

As to whether it's ungrateful - well it sounds like you're taking him for granted a bit. It's good to clear the air and sometimes we do annoy people in ways we hadn't realised. Take it on the chin, make some changes and I'm sure it'll blow over soon.

A £3 plant? How extravagant, don’t you know daffodils are £1 a bunch?

You’re beyond tight, OP, and very lucky not to have been given your marching orders long before this.

Yeah, tight.

A cheap plant and a bag of coffee. FFS.

I'm sorry, it is a reverse, I buy a lot for my partner and I'm really agonising over whether it's a dealbreaker for me. My heart hurts over this job stuff

I really fucking hate reverses. Just post with the bloody story.

This has got to be a joke or a reverse! You’re so tight, selfish and thoughtless. I’d have left you long ago! It’s one thing to not be as generous with presents, but to also let him pay for every date is terrible.

The volume of gifts isn't the issue. The never offering to pay for meals, cinema etc. is. That's tight.

Thought so. As you can see you aren't the only person who would struggle with this.

I think people who post reverses should be fucking banned.

That does seem incredibly tight. It is the sort of present I would buy for a neighbour and I am an OAP so not exactly flush. You could at least offer to pay for a nice meal or outing of his choosing

Do you like receiving presents? If not, tell him he is wasting his time.

And do you have some sort of difficulty with buying presents and giving them to people?

As he is someone that this is important to, you need to work out why you find this so hard for you.

I don’t think a relationship should be based on material things. If you truly love someone and care for them, then that is so much more important than spending money on a gift. I would prefer someone to show their love for me rather than buy me something, that proves nothing in my opinion.

It's tight. DTMFA.

1. I wouldn't want gifts every week - they become meaningless tat very quickly.
2. Yes, you should each pay your fair share.
3. A 3 pound plant for the job of his dreams is spectacularly underwhelming.

If this is a reverse, then just stop spending all the money. He just isn't that into you. If it's you that's the taker in this relationship, can you not see how you're just being a bit of an emotional and financial vampire? Do the guy a favor and cut him free. You obviously don't love him enough to invest in him & the relationship.

Sorry, hadn't read your latest post.

Is this savings to buy a flat together or are you living off your partner then you'll bugger off to your own flat?

Your partner should be thoroughly ashamed. It's ok to be tight and not be a spender. But don't let someone else pick up all the slack and let them pay for everything. It's not exactly equal behaviour is it?

It sure is a dealbreaker!

My friend spent five years with a skinflint like this (who also blamed his ex for leaving him with hang ups). We all despised him. Finally she saw the light and left him. She’s now with someone who appreciates her and her ex is still alone with his pot of savings!

Pooty I wish so much MN had like buttons.

What's your love languyage? Perhaps he likes receiving things and you like to be shown that you are loved by your partner doing kind things for you or complimenting you. Hard to tell if you are being unfair. You need to talk to him!

IT'S A FUCKING REVERSE, RTFT!

The responses you get to a reverse are never accurate because it doesn't actually tell us what his side of the story is.

What is he saving for? Does he actually want the fuss you make?

Why are you still paying for meals/the cinema? Just stop. Forget you wallet, whatever. Don't buy him gifts.

Have you told him how stingy and unattractive he is?