Car seats and car parks

[Planeticket]

We went to get some groceries and the parking was very narrow. There are parent and child spaces but these were full, many with people who do not have kids but that's fine, maybe they need to be closer to the front of the car park.

We chose to go to the back of the car park because we have twins in car seats who need to be carried and placed in (one of our twins is physically sn). The area we chose to park in had no one else in either of the spaces around us. Anyways, when we came back out of the store we were packed in. There were still spaces around the car park.

I go to put my son in the car but the gap is too narrow to get him in, so I open the door wider and it touches the car next to us. In the car was a lady who was just waiting in the drivers seat, and she came out very upset and confrontational.

She said she would appreciate if I didn't touch her car or whatever. I told her that we specifically chose this space because of our situation and I needed to get my son in the car and she could have chose to park somewhere else without being so close to another car with car seats in it. Nothing happened to her car.

AIBU to think she was being a drama llama for getting so confrontational about it? She didn't have to park so close to our car and this was particularly unwise if you see it has car seats in it!

Slightly off topic OP, but if one of your DTs is disabled, have you checked to see if you would be entitled to a blue badge?

@planeticket - given your circumstances, I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to park in the middle of two spaces, if you can’t get a P&C space, and are at the far end of the car park - that way there is less chance you’d come back and find yourself without the space to get your children into the car safely.

I returned to my car to find the people beside me had their door open and it was touching mine. I wouldn’t dream of opening my door so that it touches someone else’s car.
Nothing happened to her car, I'm not sure what I could say more than sorry
you shouldn’t have touched her paintwork to begin with. All the Little dints and scratches from inconsiderate people like yourself add up resulting in devaluation.
I didn't see her in the car because I was rushing
Why rushing if your husband was still shopping? Sounds like you just got caught because the person was, unexpectedly, in her car. She was not being a drama llama, you had no right to open your door so wide it touched her paintwork. YABU.

Get done?! All you need to do is reverse the car a couple of meters

This was so easy to solve. Just ask her to move. I don't know why people don't talk to each other. Most situations can be avoided if they do. So yes you were in the wrong.

Get the impression that perhaps the banging of the door was a bit passive-aggressive by you OP. There were two of you, one could have reversed the car a bit for ease of access. Don't be a drama llama.

Pfft I don’t think you were being unreasonable, there’s a big difference between gently opening your car door so it just touches another and does no damage and ‘bashing’ another car. I recently hit on the idea of using a tissue/muslin around the edge of my door if I know it’s going to touch the car next to me-that way if anyone objects you can point out there’s no way you could have done damage.

I haven't checked if we can get a blue badge yet because he's not 3 yet so I assumed we can't (too young)? He can't walk properly yet and he needs to be carried/placed in to his car seat.

Anyways, I take on board I made a mistake. Next time I will go find my husband, although if he wasn't around, what would have been reasonable then? I'm not sure.

Yes I suspect this was a deliberate passive aggressive move on your part OP. It was so easily avoided. You wanted to let her know you had inconvenienced you.

Put them both in from the same side and then pull out of the space to sort straps.

Yabu, having car seats does not guarantee 3 spaces! It's tricky I admit but it depends upon how busy the car park now was as checking for seats is unreasonable. If dc has sn then start the blue badge process. There were no parent spaces when mine were born, we coped by being careful and not touching the next car. I suggest a car with sliding doors, mine has them

although if he wasn't around, what would have been reasonable then? I'm not sure

• wait
• ask her to move
• have the trolley somewhere safe you can see while you reverse a metre

And plenty of cars have car seats in them and are being driven by one adult who is alone. Because nobody takes them out every time you are not putting your kids in the car.

I think you should have waited for your husband. At the end of the day you touched her car.

I came out of Tesco’s the other week and someone has scraped my wheel arch. It’s only a small scrape, but it’s still a scrape and I’m upset about it. My car is the most expensive thing I own (even though it’s old) other then my house, and I look after it.

How would someone know if your car has child seats in it as they pull in to the space?

I’m sorry you’re struggling, however. 💐

Hmm I wouldn't feel safe leaving my twins in the trolley without me there. They would definitely try to get out and would probably hurt themselves. I'm assuming you mean I should wait until the other car leaves, I could try that. But there's no guarantee that another person won't come in right after... I think the best solution is one that a person said about a car with sliding doors, I haven't thought about that. I'll need to look in to that and in the meantime only shop with the twins if I have another person with me. I just didn't think it was a big deal since nothing happened to her car, but according to people here I am wrong. I take that on board, and I will be more careful in the future.

I think yanbu if there were areas of a few empty spaces together. If there were only single spaces left then yabu.

We've often parked right at the back of a car park and come back to cars right next to us when there are many free space areas about (by that I mean 3 or 4 spaces free together). I've always assumed these people are not that worried about damage as if they were they would park elsewhere!

It's not socially acceptable in the UK to touch another person's car. Even if you are just gently opening your own door to try and squeeze in, and even if they have parked incredibly badly.

So unfortunately YABU.

Where on earth does it say that OP "hit" the other car? It was touched, that's all. I've been in my car when someone has done this to me and it hasn't bothered me in the slightest. There's a big difference between "touch" and "hit" and now OP should consider changing cars? Honestly Mumsnet is ridiculous sometimes.

@Planeticket did you BANG the door onto her car? Or slowly rest it on it ? You must of banged it for her to notice, I parked next to a car the other day and needed to get my DD out (large 2.5 YO) I was on my own pregnant felt sick and dizzy and the car park was rammed, So instead of hitting the person car with the door, I closed her mirror then re opened it. When I get back to the car I put her back in and again shut the persons mirror got DD in and went to re open it, the woman saw me do it and started screaming that I was vandalising her car 😂 everyone was staring at me!! I said 'get a fucking grip I closed the mirror not to cause damage with my door you idiot' and then everyone started staring at her instead, she went bright red!! thankfully the door was shut so DD didn't hear the bag language !

Moral of the story is even when you try and be considerate you get a mouthful so f*ck um all 😂

Well apparently I am the odd one out, this kind of thing pisses me off. My DS can't get in and out of the car on his own yet and I suffer with back problems so can't contort round a small gap to get him in. If I park in a normal space (rather than parent and child spaces) I try and park a bit further over in the space, not enough that I am over the white line my side, but enough that I should have space to get my DS in on his side, the amount of times I have got back to my car and some Twat has parked over the white line right next to my car so I can't get him in is bloody ridiculous and makes my blood boil. All of those say in that you should have looked to see if she was in her car, surely she could see you struggling and should have offered to move the car a bit.

Mumsnet is strange sometimes... I would never in a million years leave my 2 year old in a trolley whilst I reversed a car, he can Houdini out of his high chair and car seat therefore he would most certainly attempt an escape from a trolley.

And I've had my car door touching (touching, not hitting) another car many a time, completely unavoidable sometimes.

YABU. You opened your car door into someone else's car. They are bound to be annoyed. It doesn't really matter why you did it, the other person doesn't know any of this back story.

He doesn't need to be age 3 to get a blue badge, check your LA website, you can apply on there.

As a DM and DGM who has negotiated and wrestled many a child into a car seat I often avoid parking next to a car with car seats, and I never ever park if it's a three door car with child seats I've had too many near misses myself

It’s just impossible to win isn’t it! Car seats require so much space to have proper access to get the kids in and out, I feel your pain. If people travelling alone in large cars would stay out of designated parent and child spaces you’d have some chance but no, they merrily plonk their vehicles into them. I usually put an old baby blanket between my door and the next car when I’m in tight spaces like that to allow me to get the baby in without damaging their car door. I think she was heavy handed in her response. Clearly if she was sitting there watching what your door did she could see you were in a jam and could have offered to help by moving.