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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH voted leave but can't articulate why

778 replies

DifferentViews · 24/03/2019 10:16

Sorry if this has been done before, but i need to get this off my chest and perhaps get new insight or come to a better understanding, so i can discharge some of the anger i feel.
So, i voted remain and he voted leave. Up to a point, i am prepared to accept we have different political views and can move on.
Talking to him last night, i asked, knowing what he knows now, would he still have voted leave and he said yes.
Cue a long discussion as to why and really he has no real idea what he was voting for, or what he wanted. Its just so woolly...he wanted change, but can't articulate what that would be.
It was just a knee jerk reaction to not liking the current situation and wanting things to be 'different'.
Its just made me so angry that he would still vote that way again in spite of all the evidence that things wont be 'better' out the EU.
His argument is that we don't know whether it might be better, so that gamble is worth it, but i am really struggling to see his point of view.
Please, can someone give me some idea how i can come to terms with this, so i am not consumed with impotent anger at him? Thank you.
Ps this is not meant to be a goady post against those that voted leave, if you have a well thought out argument and honestly believe it, that's great.

OP posts:
juliettatrax · 25/03/2019 14:51

No matter WHAT leavers say to explain their reasons for leaving, the remainers will bash them for it, attack them, berate them, and dismiss their reasons.

No, that is genuinely not true. Since we are leaving I'd love to hear some good reasons and not just "I don't have to justify myself", which seems to be the repeated message on here. I would love a leaver to convince me but they can't be bothered to try (when I upthread listed the reasons I'd heard to date I was told by a leaver that my leaver friends must be ignorant, which they're not and which seemed a bit rich).

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 25/03/2019 15:00

and those ranting about unelected bureaucrats seem to forget that the UK has 440,000 of them, and the chief negotiator, Olly Robbins was appointed by other civil servants, not even elected members Grin

Oh yikes. Electing a negotiator. Can't foresee any problems there. /sarcasm

BorisBogtrotter · 25/03/2019 15:15

The populism and propaganda of the leave campaign is exactly the same as what you are identifying as a concern now mummy.

Leave voters get their points on" democracy" critiqued because they don't appear to have the same issues with appointing people in the UK, its almost like they learned the democracy point by rote.

Its also evident that its only used for political expediency when you take a look at the attitudes of leave voters towards those people exercising their rights in a democracy, and those individuals who have constitutional roles.

mummymeister · 25/03/2019 15:33

Boris - I have literally no idea how your reply responds to my previous post, I really don't.

Its like it was written by a committee.

The populism and propaganda of the leave campaign is exactly the same as what you are identifying as a concern now mummy

No it isn't. please stop telling me what I think and why I voted to leave.

I have as many issues with democracy in the UK as I do in the EU. I am sick of keeping on repeating my reasons for voting leave.

Honestly, anyone would think you worked in a political office.

BertrandRussell · 25/03/2019 15:41

I don my get the “unelected bureaucrats” thing. Of course bureaucrats are unelected- they are supposed to be above party politics, like our Civil Service.

badlydrawnperson · 25/03/2019 16:02

Those who deem the EU undemocratic seem quite happy with Bishops and hereditary peers in the UK legislature

I don’t know why this pile of shit keeps being trotted out but it’s fucking arse.

I hate the House of Lords etc but no fucker has (yet) given us a referendum to get rid of that. When they do I will vote to scrap the fucker. We need more democracy, not less.

BorisBogtrotter · 25/03/2019 16:03

I didn't tell you why you voted, I told you whom you voted alongside, and that their campaign was populist and contained many of the things that you say now concern you about EU membership.

Rather hypocritical

BorisBogtrotter · 25/03/2019 16:06

"We need more democracy, not less."

Actually if the referendum shows anything its that direct democracy does not work well.

The constant harping on about the Commission being unelected is a rote learned point which shows a distinct lack of understanding about democracy in the EU and this country.

TalkinPaece · 25/03/2019 16:12

I wonder if 1,000,000 Leave supporters celebrating their victory
would have been as chilled and happy as the Remoaners were on Saturday.

The police did not keep us to the route, they knew it would be peaceful and happy.
Because we all wanted exactly the same thing.

Would a pro leave crowd be so welcoming and inclusive?

storm11111 · 25/03/2019 16:46

I am passionate that voting leave was the right decision for me. I do not feel the need to interrogate those who voted remain on the basis of their decision and dismiss their opinion however remainers do not show me the same respect.

I am satisfied with my decision. OP I think you need to learn to respect others opinions and understand that your husband is not obligated to justify his personal opinion to you nor you to him. A debate requires 2 interested parties otherwise it becomes a interrogation/lecture.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 25/03/2019 16:54

YANBU.

I changed hair dresser when I found out mine voted for Brexit (she was a shit hair dresser anyway) so I'd really struggle if my partner had.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/03/2019 17:01

thatmustbenigel, so either you would have stayed if your hairdresser had been any good or you/they have terribly bad manners and zero boundaries. Why on earth would your/their vote be a topic of conversation at all?

KennDodd · 25/03/2019 17:02

The best reasons I've heard for voting Leave were -

I like chaos (Julie Birchall)
Just wanted to see what would happen (man I know)

Neither one of those reasons has anything factually wrong with it, not based on fundamentally racist views, don't seem to have lapped up Leave lies or promises. Both seem to imply they like upsetting people though and making life difficult for people. But, at least two people in the country are actually getting what they voted for out of Brexit. Never met anybody else who's enjoying this mess though.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/03/2019 17:03

Seems like a few posters are trying to be amusing in their 'race to the bottom' so that they can berate anybody who voted Leave. Why? Why do you need to do that? It's a bit pathetic.

Belenus · 25/03/2019 17:20

I am passionate that voting leave was the right decision for me. I do not feel the need to interrogate those who voted remain on the basis of their decision and dismiss their opinion however remainers do not show me the same respect.

I think generally people aren't asked why they voted remain as often because it's not going to have an effect. If we were still in and the ref had gone the other way, we might well have angry people asking remainers why they voted how they did. As it is, remainers are puzzled as to why it is people voted for Brexit when it appears to be such a shit storm that our own government are preparing a bunker for themselves and emergency food supplies for the plebs they''re leaving above ground.

Under the circumstances, asking why this is happening doesn't seem unreasonable. There's no need to ask remainers why they voted how they did - they're not responsible for the cost of Brexit or the way the government's time for the last three years has been tied up with negotiating something in a totally unrealistic timeframe.

Plurabelle · 25/03/2019 17:36

Yes, I think I'd like to know what Leave voters think the landscape will look like after Brexit.

There are so many questions.

Who will we be trading with? How will customs checks be managed?

How will our universities/hospitals/pubs/cafes be staffed?

Where will our medicines come from?

Where will our food come from?

How will peace in Northern Ireland be preserved?

What will happen in Gibraltar?

How will international security work when we are no longer part of an international network?

What will happen to mixed families where one partner is a member of the EU27 and the other is a UK passport holders?

If people have clear, workable answers to the above and know that everything will be fine, that's great. But I haven't worked out what those answers are and politicians don't seem to be worked this out either. Which is ever so slightly worrying, to some of us.

catx1606 · 25/03/2019 17:38

No matter WHAT leavers say to explain their reasons for leaving, the remainers will bash them for it, attack them, berate them, and dismiss their reasons.

No, that is genuinely not true. Since we are leaving I'd love to hear some good reasons and not just "I don't have to justify myself", which seems to be the repeated message on here. I would love a leaver to convince me but they can't be bothered to try (when I upthread listed the reasons I'd heard to date I was told by a leaver that my leaver friends must be ignorant, which they're not and which seemed a bit rich).

Actually is it genuinely very true. Whenever I come on here and read a Brexit post, leavers start to explain their reasons and get called names, insulted and patrionissed (excuse the spelling) Mumsnet is very much a remainer territory (either that or there at plenty of leavers who read these are for want to say anything for fear of being insulted) literally, within a few posts, leavers were being called racist, stupid etc. Why would anyone want to join in a thread where the chance they will be called names now high.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/03/2019 17:49

mummymeister

There is no point in engaging with boris they are just here to goad.
Have a look at the flow of their posts.

mummmy2017 · 25/03/2019 17:54

Why is what we want any less valid than you?
You want to stay safe in the EU.
We want to see change, to be independently able to decide the future of the UK.

Plurabelle · 25/03/2019 17:58

Just hoping some of the pro-Leave people can answer the questions above. Because the devil is in the detail.... Wanting to Leave is fine. Making Leave work is a lot more complicated...

Blibbyblobby · 25/03/2019 17:58

There is no point in engaging with boris they are just here to goad

Boney, a few pages ago you interpreted something I said with the specific aim of avoiding making Leavers feel unfairly attacked as "snide". Is it possible you are seeing goadyness where it's not intended?

TalkinPaece · 25/03/2019 17:59

mummmy2017
A poster up thread said she voted leave to get MORE immigration.
Other people want less.
Some want freedom to trade with everybody.
Others want to restrict trade.
Some want higher tariffs to protect UK agriculture and industry
Others want free trade deals with the USA and China
Some want to stay in the single market
some want to leave it

If the Leave supporters had agreed what they wanted, we would not be about to crash out into chaos.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/03/2019 18:03

Blibbyblobby

If you say so, but I said snipe not snide.

You have an opinion and I have an opinion. That is pretty much all there is to it.

mummmy2017 · 25/03/2019 18:08

But there are more than two reasons you want to stay....
Horses for courses.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 25/03/2019 18:11

My late mother voted leave because she thought the EU was stopping the UK passing more stringent laws to protect the environment.

Meanwhile other people voted Leave because they think the EU forced too much environmental legislation on the UK, e.g. fridge recycling.

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