To ask how often you speak to your MIL?

[CakePigeon4]

MIL and I get on fine, they live a way away so we don’t see them that often, but generally have a nice time when we go to stay. However MIL is always making little digs that I should contact her more - despite the fact that she has never rung me in the 12 years DH & I have been married. I’m not sure what I would say if I did ring her - we have very little in common, and she’s not exactly a talker at the best of times, and I find conversation quite hard work when I’m with her.

So am I a crap daughter-in-law?! How often do you speak to your MILs? Is it not normal to just get news updates from DH, rather than expecting me to ring her?

Never. My DH phones them at least once a week. I was told not long after we first married what a rubbish DIL I was because I was also expected to phone at least once a week. These are people who don't even send their son a text on his birthday because as far as they're concerned parents don't contact children, children contact parents.

Phone works both ways, if she wanted a chat she could have give you a call.

Several times a day, every day. I speak to my mum every day but probably chat to my mother in law more than my mum!

I know I am very lucky to get on so well with her. We don't always have a reason to phone either, it can just be to gossip. I see her Monday and Tuesday (she picks up my nephew, I pick up my daughter), Thursday and Friday) she picks up my daughter those days too, twice on a Sunday (we go to the same church, and I pick my niece up from hers as we go to the gym together. My daughter stays there while we are out). She sometimes comes with us in day trips and for the last few years has come on holiday with us (my idea).
We are probay not the norm

My DW rarely speaks to my mum. I see or speak to my mum once a week. It's up to me and not DW to maintain a relationship with my mum.

I text occasionally but wouldn’t just call for a chat, unlike with my DM, who I call for a chat at least twice a week. I like my MIL but we don’t have a great deal in common.

Every day.

Speak to my own mum once a week.

About twice a week, very briefly, as she looks after DS for a few hours a week. I don't hang around long as there's always an insult or patronizing remark. If she didn't look after DS we would rarely speak. Never been close and doubt we ever will as she's a highbrow snob who looks down her nose at me. She's never been bothered about having a relationship with me and that's quite alright with me.

Ok SparkyTheCat. I agree that’s not on.

My relationship with my MIL is in addition to my DHs. He sees, texts and speaks to her separately from me and we also visit together.

We see a lot of my parents and I laws. We have dinner at in laws once a week and I see them with ds for swimming and lunch once a week. I text photos of ds most days

Only via a ouija board

talkingfrog

That’s lovely! I wish I had that sort of relationship with my mil. And thank you for saying that it is “lucky”, instead of implying it’s some sort of moral failing not being able to enjoy this sort of relationship, as SO12 seemed to imply earlier .

Seeing as my own mum died quite suddenly and unexpectedly I’m her fifties, shortly after dh and I got married, if the chance to have that sort of relationship with my mil had been even remotely possible, I would have grabbed the opportunity with both hands.

But that is definitely not what we have and she has made it clear that she definitely does not want ANOTHER daughter to mother. She has plenty already! So, what we do have is the best we can both do in the circumstances. It’s not a reflection on either of us. She doesn’t need me especially and I respect her and quite like her, but she is not my friend or my family.

She is ‘just’ my husband’s mum and, as such I will always be friendly and respectful to her, I know that if dh and I ever got divorced she wouldn’t have much to do with me at all. And I don’t really mind 🤷‍♀️.

*in her fifties

I speak to my MIL daily, she lives a long way away and my FIL is in hospital so she's alone in her house. So we speak daily. Before that we would speak every other day, she is lovely and welcomed me into her family with open arms. I even go and stay with them by myself as have more holidays than DH.
I also speak to my mum and dad daily. But I get on with them too!!
I'm obviously in the minority!!

And I also wonder how many men are chastised by other men for not calling their fils enough for a friendly chat . I just can’t imagine it somehow; “it goes around comes around Brian. I hope you know what sort of example you’re setting to your children Brian, by not being pally enough with big Mike... what goes around comes around you know” .

At least once a week for a chat, but then we get on really well regardless of the fact that I married her son. We'd still be friends if DH and I ever split so I guess that's not a "normal" MIL/DIL relationship judging by the other posts. Would you not tell her to ring if she wants to catch up? Or get DH to call her more? Maybe she's feeling a bit neglected

Call every few weeks if there hasn't been any news from either side, we are in a what's app group me hubby and mil so usually chat on there. Try to visit at least once a month.

She's lovely wish I was more in contact but she has a busy life too (mn minority here)

@Gooseygoosey12345 yep she knows she’s welcome to ring whenever she wants (we speak to other MIL weekly and we often chat if I pick up the phone when she rings). They also have an open invite to visit, which we repeat every time we see them, which they’ve never taken us up on. If she’s feeling a bit neglected then she could call us surely?!

I would love a lovely MIL! My SIL has a fab relationship with my mum, they chat loads and often have days out together, and I’m envious of that!

Dmil and I are in contact most days, I hate making phone calls, to anyone, so mostly we text or WhatsApp. We get on really well though I love my Dmil and she is absolutely someone I would be friends with even if I had never met and married DH. I tend to send her photos of the DC, the Dog and things that I see when I'm out and about that I know she would like or appreciate and Dmil sends me photos and we chat about pretty much anything. Dmil would never expect it though and would never moan about me not contacting her. We have a very close relationship and I feel very fortunate to have such an awesome Dmil. God knows I wouldn't want DH's Mil from hell

I get on with my MIL and like her but we’ve never chatted on the phone. I see her in person twice a month and we text each other about once every couple of months, mostly queries like “what clothes size are the DC” etc.

I see mine once a week at least and speak a couple of times a week. We have just spent the afternoon there after popping in yesterday too. We are very close.

I’ve lived with my dh for 8yrs and the only time I’ve ever called my MIL was when dh was taken into hospital. My mum was really close to her MIL and called her a couple of times a week tho

I love my mil I probably what's app her every other day and maybe speak to her once every week.

We are also in a group chat so I've never gone longer that a few days without speaking/texting

I don't contact her directly, but my dp calls most weeks and I always have a chat then, otherwise she would barely know anything about her granddaughter and we wouldn't know anything important about them. My partner seems to think a conversation of 1 minute is sufficient!

Mine rings my husband weekly and I don't really talk to her on the phone but she and I do whatsapp every so often. I'll send her photos once in a while, things like that.