To ask how often you speak to your MIL?

[CakePigeon4]

MIL and I get on fine, they live a way away so we don’t see them that often, but generally have a nice time when we go to stay. However MIL is always making little digs that I should contact her more - despite the fact that she has never rung me in the 12 years DH & I have been married. I’m not sure what I would say if I did ring her - we have very little in common, and she’s not exactly a talker at the best of times, and I find conversation quite hard work when I’m with her.

So am I a crap daughter-in-law?! How often do you speak to your MILs? Is it not normal to just get news updates from DH, rather than expecting me to ring her?

I would never call my MIL for a chat! We get on fine-ish when we go and stay 2/3 times a year. Husband calls them once a month - they very rarely call him.

Social media keeps them up to date. No need for anything more!!

Never. Not my mum, not my job. I have my own mother to ring.

Oh I’m so glad it’s not me being crap, I was starting to really worry that I was going to have to start ringing her on a regular basis! I did make the point that DH never rings my parents, but she seemed to feel it’s the woman’s job to maintain these kind of relationships

About weekly. Usually it’s my husband she wants to chat to but sometimes me or sometimes I answer phone and have a conversation before passing her over to her son. I’ll ring her if she still left a message or she said been unwell.
I don’t understand ‘his mother he is only one to communicate’ stance. As a couple, as a family we take joint responsibility for most things, including extended family.

I had a very close relationship with my exMIL and saw her regularly so no need for long phone chats. We even went out together without DCs or H. I was very sad when I got divorced at how she initially cut me off. But after a few months of her idiot DS living with them she got back in touch and fought my corner to stop him being such an arse over the divorce. We kept in touch through letters and phone calls after that until she died.

My current MIL has dementia and is in a home so a very different relationship. And highly entertaining conversations when we visit

We don't chat on the phone but we use FB Messenger a lot, and I see her two or three times a week and we chat.

I don’t, my dh Skypes with the kids weekly (we are in different countries). She’s love me too- I accidentally face time called her last week and felt terrible knowing she’d think oh that’s so wonderful time is calling! But I only Skype my parents every few weeks, if I were Skyping someone more it would be my parents! She talks to her other daughters in law almost every day and that sounds suffocating to me so I stay out of it.

I’m really close with my parents, even though we live a fair distance apart - I speak to my mum most days, so I guess there’s a part of me that feels lol I don’t need another mum.

I see my PIL at least twice a week as they do two school pick ups for us.

Texts to both of them about things they might find interesting, social meet ups with MIL alone.

But this is irrelevant because I happen to love my MIL and we live nearby and have a naturally close relationship.

If your MIL isn’t forthcoming then why would you contact her lots? If it’s not there you can either try to develop something or just ignore.

Twice a year max when I get dragged along to visit her. She is a horrible, horrible woman and a complete bitch to my children. DH calls her about once a month.

If I happen to pick the phone up when she's calling husband, if I bump into her when visiting UK.

I speak to her when we visit because then we are in her house and it would be weird if I didn't.

Otherwise she rings DH most days as he is at home, and if I pick up the phone I'll say hello and pass the phone to him.

Unless it's something I can specifically advise on, that's it.

I really wish I’d said something when she was going on about it being the woman’s job to keep up relationships, I just sort of hmmed and gradually changed the subject but I wish I’d challenged her a bit more.

Never. And haven't visited her for the last 5 years. Hope never to have to speak to her again.

@scarbados that sounds like bliss!

Never. DP calls his parents, I call mine. Plus, MIL is not one of life's conversationalists; hard enough work the 2x a year I see her in person, let alone dragging out a phone convo for no reason at all.

I speak to her when I see her (last time was July last year, she doesn't live nearby) or if she happens to phone my husband at a time when we wouldn't expect her to (just to clarify, she's very much a creature of habit and calls at the same time on the same days every week) but even then it's just really a matter of saying hello and passing the phone to my husband or telling her that he'll call when he's home.

DH is terrible at phoning his mum, so she will wait until she’s almost exploding with annoyance and then phone us. If I answer I get a rant about how useless he is, if he answers they end up arguing about his lack of contact. We have them over for dinner maybe every couple of months and I do enjoy her company in person.

I would never phone her just for a chat as I’d just get half an hour of health related moaning. We text maybe once or twice a month if there’s something specific to communicate about. I think she would like it if I was more like her other DIL who phones her for chats but that’s just not me.

Before we moved nearer to her we would generally only speak if arranging to go and visit. Ow we’re only 1/2 hour away (used to be 4 1/2 hours) we see her most aunday’s As go to her town for dinner with DSS and family and she will pop down for coffee with us before dinner (she chooses to not eat with us). DH doesn’t speak with her any more often - they’re a family who don’t keep in touch regularly.

We live 1.5 hrs from my MIL, I see her maybe 6/7 times a year.

We speak once a week, on average. Sometimes I'll hand the phone to DH straight away but mostly we'll chat for half an hour or so. DH or I will phone her if she hasn't phoned us for a week or so - it's all quite natural/casual and works both ways quite equally.

I'm lucky, she's absolutely lovely and I love her very much. She's actually a better role model than my own mother (my own DM is quite toxic) - she sends 'daughter' birthday cards to me and signs them 'Mum number 2' which I find really touching. She knows I have issues with my own DM but never judges, just supports.

Reading all the MIL hate on here makes me realise how lucky I am to genuinely get on well with my own!

There's no wrong/right it just depends on your relationship and her personality. My MIL would never make digs or expect anything, she very much lives her own life.

Been married 23 years and have never rung her, i do speak to her sometimes if dh is on the phone and she wants to ask me something, but generally I don’t after all she’s not my mum so I have no reason to ring her thats down to my dh to do if he wants.

I see my mil weekly. Last week 3 times actually because she took my kids to school after I had a op, she lives 40 miles away. She's texted me everyday this week to ask how I'm feeling. We don't speak much on the phone but that's because she texts or we see each other regularly. She's a fab grandmother I couldn't fault her. Dh hardly ever calls her which is a shame because he's an only child and I say that he should keep in contact with her.

I did make the point that DH never rings my parents, but she seemed to feel it’s the woman’s job to maintain these kind of relationships

Just seen this; she’s also ‘the woman’ so perhaps she can take responsibility to maintain the relationship if it’s so important to her!!

@CakePigeon4 mine tried the 'women's job for relationships' on me. We DH forget some of his sibling's birthdays and apparently that was all my fault despite the fact he'd been related to them for 40 years and me 5 minutes.

As a birthday present she bought me a crappy Birthday diary to put all the dates in. It wasn't even a nice one, was about 2 inches tall and must have cost max £2.50.

At this point my lovely DM remembered she was also a MIL too and decided two could play this game and so she engineered a meet up for me, her and MIL. She got the conversation on to the topic over tea and cake and cheerfully announced how in her family she had done her family relationships and my Dad had done his. And anyway I was v busy with my busy job and DH is at home sat on his arse

MIL had to politely admit defeat in the face of another old woman and we have never heard about the topic of wifework again

Maybe every few weeks if I answer the phone. I've never called her once in all the years of marriage. We maybe see them every three months. I get on it her fine and happily chat when we're together and that's enough.