Child maintenance

[babyno5]

This is more of a "we" than an " I".
DP has always paid maintenance for DS (my DSS). They split when he was 1 and he's 18 now.
He finishes 6th form college in May and has a full time job for the summer (longer if he chooses not to go to Uni). DP has told his ex he will stop paying maintenance in May. She's hit the roof with no explanation as to what she expects!
For context DSS lives with us half the week and if he chooses uni then we will make separate financial arrangements directly with him.
We've always known that the maintenance doesn't get spent directly on DSS but supplements her lifestyle (it's quite a lot)
Advice please x

It is payable until 31st August after he finishes college.

If she is still recieving the child benefit for him that is.

Yes, end of August is what my exH did. That’s what would happen if it was through CMS.

Its when the leave full time education, this is when the exams finish. Perfectly reasonable of you, especially when she is 18, spends half the week with you and will have a full time job over the summer!

There's no formal court order or CM agreement in place. Was all done informally.

Also for some context I'm not currently working due to ill health so we are down £4K a month so looking where savings can be made.

I think OP that his mum won’t be happy either way if this was her reaction, ie may or August as realistically it’s only another three months payments.
Maybe her current financial state is dire so her reaction isn’t really towards you guys but towards her situation?

@Perty01234 I suspect you're probably right but I have little sympathy as she's never made things easy!

Well she needs to start preparing for the inevitable whether it’s in May or August. Not only will the maintenance stop but so will child benefit and tax credits if she receives them.
August will be here before we know it.
You are absolutely right to pay the money directly to him when he goes to uni.

@funinthesun19 that made me giggle a little as I imagined her preparing like some are for a no deal brexit 😂😂. Stockpiling baked beans, pasta and toilet roll 😂😂

Hi OP maybe it's the short notice? We're almost at the end of March so 5 - 6 weeks isn't that long to put plans in place for a change in financial circumstances. If he doesn't go to uni what will he be doing? I'm not saying her reaction isn't right and your husband hasn't been paying his fair share but maybe she is panicking as she only has one paycheque to go before she has a big change in income and may have planned things for the summer eg holiday with her son that will now be difficult. You obviously know her better than everyone here to know if she is being unreasonable though

When I worked full time at that age I was fully expected to pay digs to my mum and dad. Maybe that could be a soloution?

@AmIRightOrAMeringue he told her last month so she has had some time to process.
If DSS doesn't go to uni his summer job will be there for as long as he wants it. She's not a "big holidays" type so don't think there are summer plans. I suspect it's because she knows she will have to cut her cloth accordingly x

My son is 8 and I’m already planning for the day the maintenance stops. It really shouldn’t be a surprise

@cocodash yes that's where my head was too. Although no way he could pay her what she's losing on maintenance

@Inliverpool1 I didn't get any maintenance from my ex (very messy divorce and very glad just to be rid!)
One of the uni's he's applied for would mean he could live at home either

YANBU, if DSS is with you half the week then maintenance was technically not necessary and DSS's mother must have realised that the money would have been stopping at some point this year.
If I relied on the money (as your DSS's mother migtt) I would have made no assumptions and would have asked your DH his plans for the maintenance well in advance, like at the start of his final school year.

Your DH isn't responsible for her welfare to be honest. I understand she might be panicking but she has had literal years to try and make alternate plans or talk to your DH about this.

If DSS lives with you half the time, why was he laying maintenance?

If he lives with you half of the time anyway then you don’t even need to pay maintenance.

Tell her tough shit.

Did she think it would be paid endlessly? He's 18 and finishing his education and going into FT work, ends when he leaves school/college. His dad is funding him not her.

He lives with you half time so why is maintenance being paid?

When he was younger he didn't stay as much as half the time with us because of school etc but now he has a car and chooses where and when he stays.
DP paid maintenance because he is naturally very generous but now we need to make cutbacks ourselves

My DD is two and I've already said that tax credits will stop for her when shes 16.

If you went through CMS then the maintenance would stop if he was working more than 24 hours per week or when child benefit ended. Whichever happened first.

As it's an informal agreement it's really about having that discussion with her and coming to an agreement about when it will end. Not always easy to do though.

It needs to be paid to the end of August. That is the correct stance to take.