To think children improve your life

[gramh]

Don’t they?

Yeah, my dd can't cope with theme parks and concerts. She loves camping, but also finds it hard so it's a bloody stressful roller-coaster.

I wouldn’t say life is ‘better’ with children, just different. I love mine beyond measure and they bring me joy and purpose but I do miss many aspects of my pre-child life.

A good friend is unable to have children and has been through a long, devastating journey with IVF which has sadly been unsuccessful. Although I am sad for her pain, there are aspects of her life that I am envious of although obviously I would never be insensitive enough to say that to her. For example, she and her DH travel extensively and are often going on impromptu trips and adventures which would be impossible with young kids. They have an amazing relationship which isn’t challenged by any of the difficulties of parenthood.

Neither of our lives is better than the other - we both have good and bad experiences and necessarily different lifestyles.

YANBU.

To keep it simple I've never loved anyone so much or been loved back so much. They've defined my life in the most positive way.

For the traditional whinges- lack of sleep ( guess what, they start to sleep), lose your figure ( that's a choice ) money (meh - money's always an issue to some extent).Date nights, holidays, lazy Sundays in bed - all achievable. Babysitters etc

They've made me far less selfish. I probably was a bit before but I would do anything to protect them, make them happy. They've changed my worldview.

DeadWife by dd is 6 and doesn't sleep, and she will probably never sleep through because of her ASD.

Getting a babysitter for a child with ASD, who doesn't settle to sleep is almost impossible and certainly out of our budget.

Holidays are stressful because of all the changes for her. So not all achievable.

I’m also in the “not necessarily better but definitely different” camp. You’re comparing two very different things- life with kids and life without kids simply aren’t comparable unless you’re someone who sends their children away for a lot of the time and only interacts when it suits and for the good bits (this is how my friend’s very rich parents patented!!). My life was great before and it’s great now too, but two different types of great- the same way my “great life” before wasn’t the same as everyone else’s “great life” before.

I wouldn't say better. Some things are great but with a son with suspected asd it can also be a million times worse. Then again the plan was never to be struggling a single mother of three so that could be part of it too.

On paper, no they have not improved my life at all. My appearance, weight, sleep, sex life, social life, career and finances have all suffered since having kids.

However in actuality this is the happiest I've ever been in my life. Having kids has brought a happiness into my life that I hadn't experienced before which makes all the negatives seem insignificant. So yes they have improved my life.

I have a friend who is child-free (I think by choice) and her life is awesome. She travels a lot and has seen so much of the world with her husband. They have a lovely relationship and always seem to have plenty of cash. I don't think having a baby would improve her life because i don't think she wants one. That's the beauty of life - we're all different!

lose your figure ( that's a choice )

It wasn't a choice to have a 10 pounds baby who stretched my skin beyond its limit of proportionality ( elastic limit).

Hormones also play a part so it's not such an easy choice.

lose your figure ( that's a choice )

It wasn’t my choice for baby number two to permanently split the muscles in my stomach, meaning no matter how much weight I lose and exercise I do my stomach will always stick out far further than it ever did.
I lost every oz of baby weight (and more), but my figure and skin were changed beyond repair.

Positives

Erm.....

Negatives

Less sleep
Less sex
Less money
More stress
More worry
Less time to do things I want to do
Play places (Argh.......)
Holiday resorts that have to have a kids club and mini disco (Argh!!)
More mess

Other than that I love em!

At the risk of sounding trite it really depends what you like doing.

I mean my week days are pretty similar as before children except there is an extra person (a 4 year old one) at dinner. I earn more than I did pre DS as I’ve had a promotion since my maternity leave.

DH and I have always had pretty seperate friends so we don’t miss going out together that much. Have our couple time at home like we always did.

I massively miss lazy weekend mornings, that’s the biggest one for me! Also miss being able to travel as I chose but that’s coming back a bit already.

Yes, they can improve your life. So can many other people, experiences, or things.

And the full range can also make it worse... you can't focus on one factor. After all, having children (depending on how you see it) takes up a period of at least 18 years.

Different, certainly. Sometimes better, sometimes not. The sheer weight of being completely responsible for other human beings is staggering, especially when you’re going through challenging circumstances, something most people probably don’t really consider anywhere near enough pre-kids (how could they possibly be expected to, without experiencing it?) It doesn’t end when they’re 18 either.
Looking back, on balance it has improved our lives but it’s often been far from the delightful fairytale we imagined all those years ago 😁

learned to swim, never learned to ride a bike, never rode a skateboard, never been out of the country, never played a video game, never been to a theme park, never been camping, never had a driving lesson

I've nit got children. I can swim and drive and have been abroad, but the other stuff - doesn't interest me and wouldn't have even if I'd had children. So it's a bit of a massive assumption to see us as having sad little lives with no adventures.

I'm not saying ALL people who never marry/have children will have empty lives and never do anything with it, but that was the case for many child-free people on that thread (who had never been married

I married young and was often surprised by single friends who never seemed to do anything other than work. Then my husband died and I realised that this world is built around couples and it is really difficult as a single person to do things. It's also fucking miserable, especially if you don't have children either. It's expensive to live as a single person, expensive to travel. If you go out for a meal or something you are surrounded by couples and families and it is really really depressing. You lose friends because you aren't part of a couple anymore and so don't fit nearly around a table with other couples. The friends that you still have are busy with family at the weekend so you never see them. That's the reality for a lot of single people. Skateboarding and theme parks are just not on our radar - though I personally never had any desire to do either anyway.

It depends on the person and what they want our of life. I wanted to have a successful career and travel as often as possible. I love my childless life and am glad I hadn't married my ex fiance at 20 and had children as I truly think it would of made me miserable in the long run. However, my old school friend's a SAHM who has never worked, her life revolves around her 4 kids, she's never been on holiday abroad, has few friends and has no career but loves her life. Everyone gets fulfillment in different ways. I may have children in the future but atm my life is great without.

It wasn't a choice to have a 10 pounds baby who stretched my skin beyond its limit of proportionality ( elastic limit).

Yep, me too! I have so much excess skin and I didn't even put any weight on in pregnancy apart from baby. It drained me completely, I was thin to the point of haggard apart from the bump. I have an ugly keloid c section scar. Didn't choose any of that.

lack of sleep ( guess what, they start to sleep)

Yep...doesn't make it easier when it's happening though, does it. I was close to breaking point with over a year of sleep deprivation, I could never just brush it off as unimportant.

I think it's so important for people to say all of this. If I'd have known how it would be I would have still had a child, but I'd have been more prepared...got more of a support network in place... discussed with DH how we would manage to both get a break... planned to go back to work etc etc. I could have coped better with just how limiting it is if I could have understood it beforehand. I thought it would be amazing because I love children and because I actually love doing housework, cooking, cleaning. Turns out baking a beautiful loaf of bread and making sure everything is lovely and clean is a bit different to the drudgery of cleaning the same thing over and over again, multiple times in a day.

miss eating out in nice restaurants. I miss morning sex. I miss spontaneity. I miss wandering round the shops. I miss lazy lie ins with the papers. I miss adult holidays where I can actually relax, rather than having to entertain my children somewhere else. It would appear that many parents don't really miss these things, but I really, really do.

Oh God I miss all of this too. Mostly I just miss switching off, just completely relaxing and being on my own...I'm never on my own.

A lot of these people who say their kids improve their lives clearly don't have kids with LD or SEN ... it's a completely different ball game if you do.

So in your view those of us who ave been unable to have children have lesser lives....you madam are a cock!

10/10 OP excellent bait

Being a parent and having children has not improved my life. I regularly find myself looking back to how things used to be: I had a full-time job, financial security, time to myself, restful and relaxing holidays and weekends, a tidy and clean house and the freedom to come and go as I pleased. Now I have the exact opposite and to be completely honest, I don't enjoy my life now and feel trapped and isolated in a prison that I created myself. I'm looking forward to my children growing up and hoping that I don't fuck them up with my negativity and depression.

@franklymydearidontgivea

So in your view those of us who ave been unable to have children have lesser lives....you madam are a cock!

Eh, who has said that?

Today I would say absolutely not! Ds (12) is being a complete, pre teenager, royal pita! To such a degree that I feel we need some space from eachother for a couple of days! Dp working 7 days a week currently so I get no respite at the weekends.

On other days I would say Ds has completely enriched my life, rather than improved. I love him more than anything but I don’t like his attitude at times! I know this is yet another phase that (hopefully) will pass!

I’m living the rollercoaster and atm where everyday is different.

I would imagine that children make many people happy but would have rendered me completely miserable.

As to whether they improve your life ..... I haven't got any so I don't know

Pros and cons, it's different