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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think children improve your life

154 replies

gramh · 23/03/2019 08:12

Don’t they?

OP posts:
Onceuponacheesecake · 23/03/2019 11:55

They did for me but I certainly wouldn't assume it's the same for everyone op....

JellycatElfie · 23/03/2019 12:01

Mine have of course. I love them sooo much!

On days like today when I’m ill, I’d do anything for a day in bed Grin however.. I can’t!

americandream · 23/03/2019 12:03

@stopitandtidyupp

learned to swim, never learned to ride a bike, never rode a skateboard, never been out of the country, never played a video game, never been to a theme park, never been camping, never had a driving lesson...

I had done all of this all by age 16 as I am sure most people have except maybe the driving lesson.

No. You'd be surprised. On a thread on here earlier in the week, there were LOADS of posters who had done NONE of the above, along with some other things, like they had never been clubbing, never been on a night out with friends, never had a hobby or been in a hobby group, never been to the pub with their mates, never been to a hen night, never been to a Christening or wedding, never been a bridesmaid. So much they had never done. Seriously. I was shocked, and couldn't understand why. Some were in their 30s and 40s (and older,) and had not done any of the above.

Glad it's not just me who is quite taken aback by this. And as I said, many of them were child-free/never married. So despite all the poo-pooing some people get when they get married and have children, it was the ones who had never done either who seem to have done nothing in their lives, other than eat, sleep, and work.

I'm not saying ALL people who never marry/have children will have empty lives and never do anything with it, but that was the case for many child-free people on that thread (who had never been married.)

Alsohuman · 23/03/2019 12:16

How can you tell? I have absolutely no way of knowing what my life would have been like if I hadn’t been a parent.

TeaAddict235 · 23/03/2019 12:17

This reply has been deleted

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TapasForTwo · 23/03/2019 13:14

"How can you tell? I have absolutely no way of knowing what my life would have been like if I hadn’t been a parent."

I had DD at 41, so I had a pretty fair idea of what being a child free adult was like for over 20 years.

"never rode a skateboard,"

amricandream I am 60. Skateboards weren't around when I was a child. I was 17 the first time I saw one.

BlameItOnBianca · 23/03/2019 13:24

I disagree.

TapasForTwo · 23/03/2019 13:25

With what Blame?

BlameItOnBianca · 23/03/2019 13:30

@TapasForTwo - the original question that children improve your life.

ScreamingValenta · 23/03/2019 13:34

Childfree here, and I think riding a skateboard is a life-experience I can do without.

Imacliche · 23/03/2019 13:35

It hasn't improved my eye bags

IntentsAndPorpoises · 23/03/2019 13:48

@americandream here's another way of looking at it. I'd never been admitted to a psychiatric unit before I had children, I'd never broken a bone, I'd never dreamt of walking away from my whole life. I'd never been 12 years without going abroad, I'd never been in a position not to have a passport. I'd never thought that my only reason for getting out of bed was to care for other people.

Dumplingfan · 23/03/2019 13:49

No definitely not

HarrysOwl · 23/03/2019 13:53

Can I ask those saying that life definitely didn't improve, why they feel that way?

HennyPennyHorror · 23/03/2019 13:56

disorganisedmum you said "I wouldn't have them if they hadn't improved mine."

Which makes NO sense. You couldn;t KNOW they'd improve your life before you had them....so you weren't in a position to make that decision!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 23/03/2019 14:00

@VirginiaWolfHall has pretty much summed up what I would have said.

IntentsAndPorpoises · 23/03/2019 14:02

@HarrysOwl because my life is a lot harder. I don't really know who I am anymore. I can't remember the last time I got to do something for myself.

As I said above my life is full of battles over school, violent meltdowns, constant adapting. I haven't been abroad for 12 years, we barely go on holiday in this country.

I'm permanently exhausted, my career has been effected, I have no time for myself.

Raspberry88 · 23/03/2019 14:07

americandream

You're just making statements based on your reading of a thread...you can't base an opinion on the life experiences of people with or without children on that. Anyway, why does it matter? I've never been on a hen do, it's just not my thing. I don't ride a bike because I tried as a child and never enjoyed it. I haven't done lots of fun exciting things because I don't have much money. You sound extremely judgemental talking about people who just eat, sleep and work. If that's what makes someone happy then that's up to them.
Anyway, I have a toddler so I'm only just starting out but whilst I love him just so so much I'm also exhausted and lonely. I miss spending time with DH, choosing to go out where and when I want, being able to sit in peace and quiet and read a book. My life isn't really improved at the moment but I'm looking forward to seeing him grow up and become someone I can talk to and enjoy the company of.

TapasForTwo · 23/03/2019 14:13

HarrysOwl someone once said "You are only ever as happy as your unhappiest child", and that is so very true. When your child has friendship issues, is being bullied, is lonely, unwell or unhappy for any other reason it is impossible to just switch off and not care or not worry about your child.

DD has had to face all of the above, along with some pretty worrying health issues. Then you have the stress of GCSEs, AS levels, A levels, relationship problems etc. I'm glad I don't have to go through all this multiple times.

EmrysAtticus · 23/03/2019 14:17

This will vary so much by person and also the stage that parent is in. So for the first year of DS' life I would not have agreed with you. Now he is 3 I 100% agree with you. He has brought a joy to my life that I didn't think possible and I love love love spending time with him. He is however a very easy toddler and I wouldn't judge anyone who didn't feel the way I do as I have been on the other side and no how possible it is to regret your child's existence.

happyhillock · 23/03/2019 14:20

Don't know how my life would be now, wouldn't be without them..

RomanyQueen1 · 23/03/2019 14:23

Definitely, they are the best thing that happened to us. The most important things in our lives as well as our own relationship, nothing comes close.

gramh · 23/03/2019 14:33

I’m not a journalist but I haven’t been able to get on as I kept being directed to another site. There’s a thread in site stuff about it

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 23/03/2019 14:37

There have been studies on this in the last couple of years. In general people with kids aren't happier (self assessed) than people without. Apart from countries like Sweden and others with good support for families - good paternity leave and good subsidised nurseries and flexible working etc, I assume because having children doesn't automatically mean financial and logistical worries like it does here

SandyY2K · 23/03/2019 14:59

There's no context to your question. Children affect your life and make it different. They can bring you joy and pain at different stages.

They can drain your resources from a financial POV and you can end up making sacrifices as a parent.

I love my children, they've made me happy and proud. I would have been devastated if I couldn't have children.... but improve isn't the word I'd use.