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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think children improve your life

154 replies

gramh · 23/03/2019 08:12

Don’t they?

OP posts:
Ylvamoon · 23/03/2019 15:04

I don't know if my children are actually an improvement!
... thinking of all the wonderful things I used to be able to do...

But nevertheless, they have enriched my life and made me into a matter more patient and tolerant person.

SilverySurfer · 23/03/2019 15:14

anyone can give birth

Sadly, no they can't.

I know a woman who has completely subsumed her life into motherhood and it's all she ever wanted.

I know another woman who will tell anyone who will listen that having children has fucked up her life.

Everyone else is pretty much in between, depending what's going on in their lives at any one time.

So YABU

Bezalelle · 23/03/2019 15:15

Very insensitive to people who are childfree not by choice.

Namestheyareachangin · 23/03/2019 15:16

It hasn't just improved my life, it has given me a life which I love, which feels beautiful and full. AND tiring and stressful and full of mess and complication. And for sure it wouldn't improve everyone's. But Jesus Christ I had no idea either who I was or what I wanted to be until I had a child. Now I am so happy. Even when I'm not particularly pleased! I am happy in the core of me.

However as others have mentioned I am now horribly vulnerable. My whole life can become meaningless in a moment if anything should ever happen to her. That is scary.

Mummadeeze · 23/03/2019 15:22

My immediate reaction was to say yes because I would be lost, empty and unfulfilled without my child and I have loved spending time with her for the last 10 years. However, because I have her I am finding it impossible to separate from her Dad who is a loving father and a terrible partner. If we didn’t have children together I would have walked / ran away from him at least two years ago. So it does depend on how you look at it. But I would never ever regret having her and I love being a mother.

JoinedTheDarksideForKylo · 23/03/2019 15:22

I'm sorry I have yet had a life since having kids.... I'll let you know when he moves out in 16-18 years time Wink

No having kids has not improved my life but it has made what life I have more meaningful.

IntentsAndPorpoises · 23/03/2019 15:24

Very insensitive to people who are childfree not by choice

No it isn't. Their pain and misery is no less vaild than mine.

Creamwhite · 23/03/2019 15:29

My children have improved my life but every situation is different

Pernickity1 · 23/03/2019 15:31

Can often depend who you had them with.

My children were planned and wanted but no I don’t think they’ve improved my life. I had a brilliant life pre-DC though... now it’s drudgery.

I look ALOT worse, sleep deprived, irritable, never ending cleaning and cooking when I barely needed to do either before I had them, very rarely get a night out/holiday, very rare I get to pursue the hobbies/interests which make me happy, very little time to read, a lot less money, stuck living in one place when I used to hop from country to country.

Do I love them? Yes. Have they improved my life? A resounding no from me!

nos123 · 23/03/2019 15:37

My child has increased the love I have in my life, which has improved my life. Nevertheless, on a practical level some things have worsened and some elements improved. He definitely makes me happy but I’m not sure if I’m happier in general.

RaeCJ82 · 23/03/2019 15:44

YABU. Having a child hasn't improved my life. She's absolutely adorable, don't get me wrong, but she's made me realise that I probably should have stayed child free.

wonkylegs · 23/03/2019 15:47

They definitely change your life
And life would have taken a different path with out them
Not necessarily an improvement just different

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 23/03/2019 15:50

Refreshingly honest post**@RaeCJ82**

IntentsAndPorpoises · 23/03/2019 15:52

I completely agree RaeCJ82

KateGrey · 23/03/2019 15:56

I don’t know. I have 3 kids and 2 have Sen. The youngest is very disabled and although I adore him our lives are very very restrictive. We can’t go out today as he’s very very upset, constantly crying and as he’s non verbal at 7 can’t tell us why he’s upset. It’s miserable. I have no friends, I’m exhausted, no outside support and we can’t go and do all the things we’d love to for the kids because it’s too hard.

riotlady · 23/03/2019 16:00

Depends on the person and the situation.
My daughter has improved my life immeasurably, my 9 months maternity leave with her was probably the happiest period of my life so far. I think I am somewhat of a lucky anomaly in that I had pretty bad mental health before she was born and was much better after- usually it’s the other way around.

Sheeparelooseagain · 23/03/2019 16:09

It's a different life. Different challenges and different rewards. Ds is severely disabled so that has meant I cannot work, have broken sleep and we have to live a very planned life with no holidays unless they fit in exactly with his needs etc. Day to day life is harder.

thedisorganisedmum · 23/03/2019 16:13

HennyPennyHorror

Which makes NO sense. You couldn;t KNOW they'd improve your life before you had them....so you weren't in a position to make that decision!

Maybe I wasn't with the 1st one - and I could argue with that - , but by number 4 I knew what I was getting myself into!

I had a great life child-free, then DH and I had a blast and ticked a lot of thing on our to-do-list, then we decided to have children because we wanted them.

Yes, children did improve our life, we had them at the right time. They still improve our life today (which is a good thing as I can't get rid of them now can I)

HarrysOwl · 23/03/2019 16:14

Thanks very much to those replying to my in-thread question, really appreciate it.

I asked because DH & I are not able to have biological children of our own (very tiny to zero chance), so reading some of the replies here actually help put things into perspective. It's easy to become tunnel visioned when TTC.

That life may not necessarily be unhappier, but only different without DC is a far more positive position for me to consider.

thedisorganisedmum · 23/03/2019 16:14

They haven't improved my appearance, that is true, I looked a lot better before them. My life is still better though.

SimonJT · 23/03/2019 16:16

Before I took on my son I had quite an active social life, partner, a tidy flat and weekend naps.

Now I go out without him once a month, I had to dump the partner, there are toys everywhere and a lazy morning in bed ends at 8am!

PutyourtoponTrevor · 23/03/2019 16:23

I don't have kids, don't want kids and my life is great thanks. Can do what I want, when I what, can go for last minute nights out, trips away, holidays are cheaper as we don't have to go during school holidays, I'm much better off financially without kids.

I have a partner who loves me, friends and family who love me, I'm doing just fine

keepforgettingmyusername · 23/03/2019 16:34

Well I have someone to go out with to open farms and the zoo etc which is nice! I rarely get to the cinema now though, also I am poor and frumpy which isn't so good.

TapasForTwo · 23/03/2019 16:38

I'm glad this thread has helped you HarrysOwl.

I think this should be reading for everyone who is struggling to conceive. The grass isn't greener with children, just a different shade of green.

For the record we had infertility problems, but weren't fussed either way whether we had children or not. That it happened out of the blue when I was 41 was just one of those things.

HarrysOwl · 23/03/2019 16:42

Thanks TapasForTwo - you've summed it up really well.

Any shade of green is fine by me Smile