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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think children improve your life

154 replies

gramh · 23/03/2019 08:12

Don’t they?

OP posts:
BobIsNotYourUncle · 23/03/2019 10:24

Depends how you measure improve. My life was great before kids, had a good social life, good career and went travelling. Now I’m really really tired, we have less money and it’s affected my career progression. But I have two wonderful small people in it who I didn’t have before. Life is just different. I wouldn’t change it.

echt · 23/03/2019 10:25

Oh, and fuck off Daily Mail.

BobIsNotYourUncle · 23/03/2019 10:25

Are you a journalist btw? First post and all.... Hmm

ShabbyAbby · 23/03/2019 10:26

It's much harder.
Nothing compares to the worry, the struggles, the battles, the responsibility (lone parenting Sad)

And nothing compares to the hope, the cuddles, the triumphs and the joy Smile

I do not remember ever feeling fear like it. And on a daily basis at least once I am terrified. And I do not remember feeling joy like it. At least once every day I am bowled over by a moment of pure joy.

Roomchanging · 23/03/2019 10:28

Google it. The top 7 hits are studies which suggest that childless people are more satisfied with their lives. This is the first article www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/complete-without-kids/201103/fact-or-fiction-childfree-couples-are-happier-couples-kids%3famp

Passmethecrisps · 23/03/2019 10:29

Is @gramh going to come back to add anything of his or her own experiences?

MonstranceClock · 23/03/2019 10:30

Yes, in every way imaginable.

Alicesweewonders · 23/03/2019 10:35

I wouldn't say improvement, just different. My pre-baby life was fantastic. I'm a older first time mum, got to travel, party etc so feel I've done what I wanted to do ( though if time was on my side, I'd still be doing it, but alas, ticking biological clock)

I'm so happy to have my baby girl, but there are pressures in finance's, health ( due to pregnancy/childbirth) not to mention to change of dynamics in my relationship with DH. And career, due to maternity leave & going back part-time.

Love being a Mammy, it's not an improvement, it's a just a different chapter.

YemenRoadYemen · 23/03/2019 10:38

'Improved your life'?

What?

Now I have to think about every little thing, make contingency plans, pay babysitters, take leave, organise, plan and second guess.

No, they haven't 'improved my life'!!

I love the bones of them, and wouldn't be without them. But 'improved my life'?

Ah, no.

SoyDora · 23/03/2019 10:43

I’m poorer, fatter, less healthy, have less time for hobbies/friends, my brain has turned to mush.
I adore them and wouldn’t be without them for anything, but by any objective measure they haven’t improved my life.

YemenRoadYemen · 23/03/2019 10:45

Exactly Soy 😂

motherlondon · 23/03/2019 10:53

Definitely not. I love them but if I could have done a rehearsal run or looked into the future, I wouldn't have them. And definitely wouldn't have had them to their father.

SerenDippitty · 23/03/2019 11:00

I wanted children but could not have them failed IVF etc. I don’t think my life is worse, just different. I’ve read too much on here to think it would have been a bed of roses if I had had them.

americandream · 23/03/2019 11:01

It's not for everyone, and it sounds kind of rude towards people who can't have/don't want them. But yeah, I found having kids opened up a lot of doors for me that may well have remained closed, and also, I have got to do things I wouldn't have done if I hadn't had them. Would my life have been better and more full without them? No. I don't think it would.

I mean I had a life without them before, and did go partying, nightclubbing, on holiday with mates, and also travelling, but you can only do this carefree 'young person' stuff for so long. I have done so much more stuff since having kids, that I didn't do before. Like learning a foreign language with my daughter, ice-skating, going to concerts, going to rock festivals, getting involved in several sports, getting involved in a drama group, going camping, discovering much more to watch than I would have if the kids hadn't suggested it, hitch-hiking across Europe, becoming a vegetarian, going on thrill rides in theme parks, getting involved in various causes and charities, and being able to communicate well with people 30 years younger than me, and understand them and their issues.

I saw a thread on here the other day about things people had never done (that people generally say is a rite of passage.) And I was shocked at the amount of people on there who had SO many things that they have never done in their lives. I mean, not like scaling Kilimanjaro, but they had never learned to swim, never learned to ride a bike, never rode a skateboard, never been out of the country, never played a video game, never been to a theme park, never been camping, never had a driving lesson.. And many more things that I thought everyone had done.

And in almost ALL of the cases where people had done virtually nothing, other than exist (eat, sleep, and go to work,) these same people had never had children. So although I am sure some people lead full lives without having children, they do improve and enhance the lives of some people, because many new doors are opened for you. I am going on holiday with DD in June to Canada, just me and her, just a mom and daughter trip, where we are going to do so many exciting things. DH is going on a ski-ing trip with our son (to the alps) next week. In September, we are all going to spend a week in a cabin in North Wales - me, DH, DD, DS, and their partners. All 6 of us.

I just can't imagine not having children. Neither can DH, and I agree that they do enhance your life.

SerenDippitty · 23/03/2019 11:04

americandream by definition you don’t know what doors would have opened for you had you not had children.

SoyDora · 23/03/2019 11:07

I suppose that depends what your life was like pre children, americandream. I mean, I did lots more than go to night clubs and holidays with mates. I learned 3 languages, lived in 4 different European countries, went skiing, went climbing, went to theme parks, learned to drive, was involved in charities etc. Of course I still do those things now I have children (although I have less money to do so now) but child free people don’t just go clubbing and go on holiday!

whifflesqueak · 23/03/2019 11:08

I completely adore my two but life was much more fun and free before them.

I had more money, free time, less guilt and anxiety... I had the chance to further my career or continue my education. That’s all gone now.

But they do give good snuggles and are both hilarious so... 🤷‍♀️

BillywigSting · 23/03/2019 11:12

Well I am both much much poorer and more tired since having dc, but also immeasurably happier and have more purpose (and am far more settled in myriad ways) so on the whole I would say yes my life is better.

HoustonBess · 23/03/2019 11:18

Far too broad a statement. It's like saying 'being in a relationship improves your life'.

Chocolateisfab · 23/03/2019 11:21

They keep your purse well ventilated.
Because it's always friggin empty....

SoyDora · 23/03/2019 11:21

Care to elaborate on why you ask OP, or are we just going to read our comments in some shitty tabloid rag tomorrow?

SnappedandFartedagain · 23/03/2019 11:29

My children haven’t improved my life at all, in fact they’ve had a hugely detrimental effect. My life isn’t my own anymore. And my husband seemed much less annoying before we had kids.

thedisorganisedmum · 23/03/2019 11:37

1st of all, all troll hunters should be reported, it's boring.

stopitandtidyupp · 23/03/2019 11:40

learned to swim, never learned to ride a bike, never rode a skateboard, never been out of the country, never played a video game, never been to a theme park, never been camping, never had a driving lesson..

I had done all of this all by age 16 as I am sure most people have except maybe the driving lesson.

thedisorganisedmum · 23/03/2019 11:40

absolutely
I wouldn't have them if they hadn't improved mine.

But they were very much wanted.
But it's not the same for everyone.

some people have a better life child-free.