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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks I’m ripping him off

284 replies

EmmaG78x · 21/03/2019 20:54

Hi, big disagreement with DH about the proportion in ownership of our house.

When we met I’d just bought a house but We moved in together and joined finances shortly afterwards. Everything was split equally including the mortgage but this was much cheaper than if he was renting. 8 years later we used the profit from the house as a 20% deposit for a house. Noting else was used as a deposit so we split ownership 75:25 in my favour.

Now, 5 years later and we are about to change mortgage providers. DH has mentioned we should now move to 70:30in my favour and continue until it’s 50:50 in another 20 years.

I want it to remain 75:25 forever as the deposit was from selling my house and he earns a lot more than me so me and the kids will need more if he leaves me.

He argues we’ve had joint finances the whole time and he earns a lot more than me. (about 50% more until I went part time once DS1 was born so now about double)

AIBU to keep things the way they are?

OP posts:
Skypatrol · 22/03/2019 07:41

Fucking hell what a horrible way to live.

BluebadgenPIP · 22/03/2019 08:12

You get back what you put in, the rest is 50/50. And if there was to be a divorce that should be the starting point.

Basically, protect your initial investment.

sailorsdelight · 22/03/2019 08:15

YABU - it’s supppsed to be a prtnership and you’re married. Everything is 50/50 now.

Missingstreetlife · 22/03/2019 08:29

Felicia & origami also need to think in % rather than actual amount as otherwise they are losing out. House prices can drop but are usually a good investment in the long term. What could you have got in interest if you saved or profit if invested that money.
Would you share a lottery win? What's would the judge say?

Absurditi · 22/03/2019 08:34

I bet you have his and hers bank accounts with bills worked out as % too.

Nowt wrong with that at all. Why should I pay my partner's phone bill for example Hmm

NameChangeNugget · 22/03/2019 08:36

I don’t think YABU.

The law won’t be your friend here though but, I totally get your point

MQv2 · 22/03/2019 08:43

You're clearly ripping him off.
It's extremely selfish

BasinHaircut · 22/03/2019 08:50

From what I can see he has paid for at least half of everything pretty much since your original investment which you could argue remains yours. Not any additional equity built from either house, just that initial deposit.

What I can also see is that you pooled finances straight away, so really, if he earned 50% more than you (rising to double since you went pt) then he was most definitely contributing more than half of not just the mortgage but ALL of your living costs for all of those years.

The % ownership split made no sense last time, nor does it now. If I had the time or the inclination to work it out I bet he has ‘paid’ for much more than 50% of everything you have.

That’s not to say that he is entitled to more than 50% as you are a partnership and you will have contributed to that partnership in other ways. You are and should be equals in this.

You are married and should he leave you the best thing to do would be to get a good solicitor. You will not end up with the best deal worrying about the % of a house you own in isolation. The danger if you do is that you could end up with fuckall else and that might not be the best way forward.

Blinkingblimey · 22/03/2019 08:52

WOW! DH & I bought our first home together with a 50% of value deposit that I provided - never ever ever occurred to me to consider it just ‘mine’ or ‘his’ after that date, it was OUR home and so have all other subsequent properties we’ve lived in. I think that your higher earning spouse who has paid the mortgage for the last X years should be on 50/50. HTH.

elessar · 22/03/2019 08:57

My god. Imagine if this scenario was reversed?

If you moved into a house he had just bought and paid the mortgage equally with him for 8 years. Then when sold, he took the equity from house 1 as ALL his, and uses that to insist on a 75/25 split on house 2, despite by this point, him earning far less and working part time, and you working full time and earning the lion's share to enable him to work part time, and you in reality paying 75% of a mortgage you're only entitled to 25% of?

In my view fair would be you retaining your original deposit for House 1, and everything else split 50/50 after that.

Littleraindrop15 · 22/03/2019 08:59

Your being grabby and financially abusing him.

Regardless whether he was to leave that's still not fair you taking more than 50% when he has contributed from the get go and paid majority of it. That's really controlling as well as if he wanted to leave he probably can't because your holding on to all his money.

EdWinchester · 22/03/2019 09:02

How depressing. I’m very glad my marriage isn’t like this.

But yes, you’re ripping him off.

Morgan12 · 22/03/2019 09:07

This is crazy.

I am a SAHM and my partner pays for everything. Begrudes nothing. My name is on mortgage. Because we are a family and have chosen to spend our lives together. I will never ever understand this type of scenario.

Waveysnail · 22/03/2019 09:10

You should get the original amount you put in then rest 50:50

winsinbin · 22/03/2019 09:14

YABU. It’s a marriage. And not newly weds but long established. It should be 50:50. I think your DH is being incredibly generous in suggesting otherwise.

When I met my DH I owned my own flat and he lived with his parents. We bought our first house with the substantial profit from my flat and that and every property we have owned since and still own are our joint, equal property. That despite the fact that after the first 5 years I have been a SAHM/part time worker so my finanical contribution over the years has been negligible.

Missingstreetlife · 22/03/2019 09:16

It's not true everything is shared when you marry. You can keep assets you had already property, savings, personal items. Pensions, a business, common assets are more negotiable, and any profit from them. Income and expenses after marriage usually shared, depending on childcare, full time working etc.
If protecting original deposit, calculate as a percent of the value of original house at that time. The amount doesn't matter as it changes with house price. Then calculate the value when that house was sold and the percentage it was of the new house. That's what is ring fenced.
Consider expense on repair or improvement. You need to think what is fair, and what you would get in divorce court. Settle somewhere between the two that you both feel is ok.
Strongly advise legal advice. Together if being fair, separate if adversarial. Conveyancing solicitor may help (tenants in common or shared) legal cover insurance cover on house or through trade union. You should also consider wills, and would get advice from solicitor here.

999caffeineplease · 22/03/2019 09:19

Agree this is ridiculous and bordering on financially abusive.

Everything should be 50:50 considering he has contributed at least equally, if not more, from pretty much the start. If you're pooling finances then you pool assets aswell, especially family homes.

Monday55 · 22/03/2019 09:19

I doubt OP would've been willing to do the joint account if she was the high earner.

Original poster
EmmaG78x · 22/03/2019 09:28

Thanks for the advice I will change it. For what it’s worth the deposit I put in was over £200k. DH has done ok having never saved for a deposit Smile

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 22/03/2019 09:29

Yabu

When I met DH he had just bought a house at 100% mortgage and had yet to move in. We moved in together and paid 50:50 of the mortgage repayments (which went down to us combining finances and seeing it as joint money when I had dc and I then stopped contributing financially when I became a sahm). When we sold the house we used all the money to put towards our next house, which was put 50:50 in both names. Never ever did dh think the original house was all his and wasn't half mine. If he had put a hefty deposit on it then I could understand him trying to ring fence that amount (altho i'd be a bit Hmm considering the financial sacrifices I have made to be a sahm) and then the rest would be split equally.

pinkgloves · 22/03/2019 09:31

From your last message it's clear you still think you're not financially abusing him.

If you were a man saying this you'd be ripped a new one.

Poor sod, possibly the way you view your marriage and treat him is why he almost left before.

pinkgloves · 22/03/2019 09:32

I'm glad my marriage isn't as cold as you seem to be about yours.

LunafortJest · 22/03/2019 09:34

Why are you acting as if you are single and cohabiting? You are MARRIED. Legally joined, forever. At least, that is what marriage means, last I checked. Of course it should be 50-50. It's not your home, it's not his home, it's both of yours home! And you mentioned on the first page about if you split up? Um, who goes into a marriage with the thought of splitting up? Whats his is yours and whats yours is his. 50-50. I don't understand. You are acting as if you are single, and he is a flat-mate paying board or something. The house is HALF his!

Unfinishedkitchen · 22/03/2019 09:36

You are ripping him off.

LunafortJest · 22/03/2019 09:37

"He nearly left once in the past which is which I was thinking this way."

I wonder why.... Hmm