to ask if you had a longterm first love, do you still think about them?

[blunderbutter]

My first love really shaped my life and has influenced everything I do and in many ways the way I think. It was a 4 year relationship and very intense at times. We met when I was 16 and split when I was 20.

I am happily married now and I haven't seen him in over 20 years but I do think about him every day, even if it is just a passing thought. I think the intensity of first love means they are unforgettable in a way that subsequent relationships often aren't.

If you had a long first relationship do you still think about them more than subsequent relationships?

He wasn't my first long term boyfriend but he was my first love many many years ago. Still know him and we're friends but our OH's don't know we exchange texts every now and then. Nothing inappropriate, just mates. I think of him quite often when a song or place reminds me.

I hadn't for a while until I saw this thread. Occasionally something may make me think of him/memories from that time. I was 16 when we got together and split a couple of years later. It was heartbreaking at the time but we'd grown apart. We're Facebook "friends" now but neither of us post much nor have we contacted each other for years. Had we met later in life I doubt we'd have got together.

I think of how lucky I was to get away from him all the time and remind myself not to take my lovely DH for granted.

I am still in touch with my first loves. I had 2 kind of who intertwined. 1 was a very young childhood friendship that grew into romantic love over the years and I got my heart broken eventually and we don’t speak as much as we did - I don’t know when it happened to him but he’s got some serious issues with his identity (not sexually) and really afraid of commitment. I don’t know what’s going on with him right now but he’s never happy with his life which I find really sad - he’s a lovely person but beyond my help

Ex 2 was my first real fiery crazy intense love. We do speak from time to time but we live far apart, and we have a deep close bond that’s lasted over 20 years. He’s a huge dick with all kinds of drama I would never get back with him but I love hearing his voice. Something about hearing his voice still makes me feel all warm. I will always love them both but from afar

Argh just writing that about my ex with the warm voice makes me squirm. It is true no one else has ever made me feel that way since and that’s probably why we stay in touch. We haven’t met for 2 decades and probably never will but we like to know each other is ok. The reasons why I will never know. I told him last time we spoke that nostalgia is not reality. We drove each other insane and we still would if we did get married. Unfortunately neither of us ended up happy in our romantic lives which is why we probably still think of each other as ‘the one that got away’
But I am happier than him in my life and I don’t need him. I just like to know he’s ok and him to make me laugh from time to Time

I wish they were both happy - not with me, but generally!

I was with the same person from age 18 to 22, and my answer is no.

I hardly ever think about it. When I do, I don't have strong emotions or think about it as being particularly important.

Think of mine regularly and it makes me smile. Still in touch after 37 years, chat via text every couple of months just general chit chat occasionally he’ll get drunk and goes down the what if route.....He’s married 3 kids has been for over 20 years I even went the wedding and he came to mine. Last saw each other 3 years ago when he was back In our home town for a funeral hadn’t seen him for 20 years at that point and we literally just slipped back into chatting and insulting each other spent most of the few hours crying laughing at old photos of us.

@Trills

Just curious as your post suggests that whilst you may have been in a relationship for 4 years, it doesn’t sound as though he inspired the sort of feelings the OP is talking about. The sort that you feel when you are completely and madly in love with someone.

My first “true love” was not my first relationship and I was absolutely devastated when it ended. I still think of him from time to time but in a distant way. I can fully see now that we were not suited at all! But I do remember the passion I felt which was out of this world.

I guess I'm not a very sentimental person?

I was more so at the time of course.

Perhaps I am Elinor and not Marianne.

Perhaps I am Elinor and not Marianne

Brilliant response! 👏🏼

He wasn't my first boyfriend but he was my first real love and I do think of him every few months or so. I left him after 3.5 years because I thought I'd make him unhappy in the long run and it was best to split before we got further webbed up. It was absolutely the right thing to do and he's fine now but it was a horrendous thing to do to him. He's moved on wonderfully though, whereas I really struggled to forgive myself for doing that to him for a long time.

He's never done social media but he's an academic, so I Google him occasionally because I'm curious and it really matters to me that he's happy. He's grown into a very handsome man, and he looks so, so happy doing the thing he always wanted to do. I don't need to see or talk to him again, I don't need to know if he's married/whatever, because I don't want him, but I do like knowing that he's doing well and seeing him smile.

We didn't really talk after we split. I emailed him once after about 18 months, ostensibly to return a book but really to check that he was ok. I went through a very delayed phase of feeling guilty though and really struggled- had nightmares. He told me he bears no ill will and there is nothing for him to forgive. So that's the end of it. It just matters to me that he's happy. He's a nice man and deserves it.

Not for many years, now fleetingly. Sixteen years ago, 18-22. I wanted to see the world, he wanted to be settled.

I’d thought about mine every now and again over the years and then he reappeared 15 months ago, told me he’d loved me and missed me for 26 years and if he didn’t tell me now he’d regret it forever. A couple of months later he flew 10,000 miles (he emigrated years ago) to see me and it was like we’d never been apart. We’ve met all over the world every 6 weeks since then and are now trying to figure a way to blend our families and be together. 🙂

Rarely. And if I do, it's with the rose tinted specs well and truly off.

I look at my DH and sigh with relief that I found him and he found me. He's a good 'un right through to the core. And I adore him for the tranquility and stability he's brought to my life that I didn't have growing up, along with our amazing DC and now grandchildren.

I did, but then I saw a recent picture. Fat, balding and has a kid. No thanks!!!

My first love/relation was 7 years long. I'm single again after a failed marriage and I assume he is still happily married to the women he dated after me (I ended it).
We are friends on Fb but I'm not really interested in Fb rarely go on there, and wouldn't go and look at his photos etc unless they pop up on my timeline
In a lot of ways he was so lovely (my family randomly mentioned how much they loved him the other day - even though we finished 20 years ago!) but we would have held each other back. He was achieved so much more than he would have if we had stayed together me, not so much but I'm happy we didn't stay together and I remember him with fondness (I hope he does too, even though I broke his heart). I hope he's still the lovely person he was and kick myself for marrying his opposite

My first ever proper boyfriend who I had my "firsts" with is a very good friend and even came to my wedding with his wife. He's become very successful and his wife and kids are lovely. We NEVER would have worked out though, even though we kept "catching up" on occasion until I met my husband.

My second, and probably most "important" other relationship ended ... 12? Years ago. Immature was a horrible relationship and we lived together, had shared tragedy, he had substance issues as well. We split very badly though did catch up a few years later when my mum died. I actually sent him a message when I met my now husband to cut ties because I needed to let go of my past and it ended amicably - considering the toxic relationship we had. He ended up going to prison but a bit of Facebook nosing seems like he's sorted his life out a great deal since.

I often think about him, despite madly in love with my dh who is everything he wasn't. There's always going to be a deep tie to him emotionally as well. I occasionally wonder what would happen if I saw him in the street (think dh would throttle him tbh) but know it's more a wistful missing "youth" thing. I do secretly hope he still thinks about me though. Is that bad?

I was with my first from 15 to 19, I'm in my 60s now. I hadn't thought about him all that much until, bizzarely, he popped up as a suggested friend on Facebook*. I looked at his page and he didn't come across as particularly happy which haunts me a bit.
*How did that even happen ??

Mine was 5 years older than me! When I started seondary school he was in his final year. I was friends with his sisters and used to turn to useless goo whenever I went to their house. He was one of the coolest guys in the school and loads of girls fancied him. Hahahahaha aycout of my league! I harboured this crush for years until I was 16 and finally did something about it! He’d been to college at that point and was living at home. I knew where he was working (local garage) My brother was so utterly sick of me bleating on about how much I fancied him, and gave me the choice of driving me there to ask him out myself or he was going to do it for me!! Anyway I plucked up the courage and was astonished when he told me he’d been waiting for a chance to ask me himself.

I wasn’t with him for very long, only a summer but I got so much from that relationship. I hadn’t been a very happy, popularly or confident teenager and he changed all that. I have the most wonderful vivid memories of our first kiss...you couldn’t even make up how perfect it was. There is one song I really love that reminds me of him, and he was really into that particular band (as were most the boys his age.) About a year after we dated I met my DH who I have been with ever since. I don’t think I would have been emotionally mature enough to maintain the relationship in those early days had it not have been for my first love!

I’m still friends with his sisters. He’s happily married with kids now and doing ok! Definitely no longing feelings from me though, just pleasant memories about how lucky I was to have had that experience as my first!

“Hahahahaha aycout” = way out. Fucking phone.

Yes I still do occasionally. Not in a good way AT ALL. He ruined me and 10 years on I am still ruined in ways that can never be changed.

Sometime yes, it was a very intense relationship, Sparks flew but he didn't treat me well in the last year, it left me in shreds, it is easier to remember the good times.
DP and I are in total different not intense but very loving, it could do with some more excitement at times.

Yes, all the time. She died in a car crash when we were in our late teens. I'm 45 now

Yes.

(It may because we have been married for nearly 12 years... so may not be what you meant)

gokartdillydilly this happened to SIL after about 20 years. Started off all generally friendly, then it was he had made a mistake finishing with her, then suprise, suprise his wife didn’t understand him. He was fishing for an affair. She gave me details of the chats. She contemplated meeting him. She didn’t meet up with him, she asked mine and DH opinion so we told her it was a bad idea. He had been unfaithful to her and his treatment of her from age 16 to 20 is probably the reason she has had one of the shittest love lives of anyone I have ever met.

I occasionally think of my childhood sweetheart but not in a good way. J