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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if you had a longterm first love, do you still think about them?

103 replies

blunderbutter · 21/03/2019 15:20

My first love really shaped my life and has influenced everything I do and in many ways the way I think. It was a 4 year relationship and very intense at times. We met when I was 16 and split when I was 20.

I am happily married now and I haven't seen him in over 20 years but I do think about him every day, even if it is just a passing thought. I think the intensity of first love means they are unforgettable in a way that subsequent relationships often aren't.

If you had a long first relationship do you still think about them more than subsequent relationships?

OP posts:

SarahAndQuack · 21/03/2019 19:12

I don't know if it counts as long term, but I was with mine for two years when we were 18-20/17-19. It sounds terrible, but now I'm in my mid-30s, what I really remember is his parents! They were so kind and gave me a real model for what a good marriage could be, and of course because we were teenagers I saw a lot of them.

I met them again a few years back, at his wedding, and it was just lovely. I got to say thanks to his dad for being so nice to a rather awkward teenager.

I feel rather sad I'm not in better contact with him, but more because his wife is also someone who was a school friend, so we grew up together, and I miss her more than him!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/03/2019 19:13

Yes but I’m married to mine

Creamwhite · 21/03/2019 19:25

I'm married to mine so can't really relate to what you're saying but interested that you think of him every day. That's a lot. Do you regret the relationship ending?

Slazengerbag · 21/03/2019 19:50

I’m married to mine. 22 years we have been together this year.

I do get reminded of my first boyfriend who I had my first kiss with. Only because he looks like someone who I work with.

PH03b3 · 21/03/2019 19:53

A fleeting thought occasionally when i drive past where he lived but nothing more than a hope hes well.

onionchucker · 21/03/2019 19:57

Yes. It was a long distance thing and went on from 16-20.
I would say that I still love him and no one has matched up to him.

He is married with two children now. Strangely enough we both moved abroad and have ended up in the same part of Europe only 90 minutes from each other - though we've had no contact with each other for years.
I hope he is happy with his lovely family - I wouldn't have been the right woman for him - bit too unconventional I think.

GetStrongKeepFighting · 21/03/2019 19:59

I still think about him and he me. Both married. Have seen each other a couple of times. Currently don't have any contact. He was more than just my first love to me and part of me will never stop whatever it is I can't stop.

Robin2323 · 21/03/2019 20:27

PissOffPeppa · 21/03/2019 20:51

I think about mine often. Maybe not everyday but several times a week. I haven’t seen him for a few years. We never would have worked out long term, but I have only fond memories. He was an absolutely lovely person, we just weren’t compatible.

DerbyRacer · 21/03/2019 20:54

No. I never think about him.

amusedbush · 21/03/2019 20:59

I was with someone from 17 - 20 (he was 22 - 25) and I do think of him every so often but there are no feelings there. We broke up 9 years ago and I’ve been with DH for 7 of those.

Last I hear he was still living with his parents and dating a string of 18 year olds (he’s 34), which makes me feel even happier about my life

Magicpaintbrush · 21/03/2019 20:59

I do think about him sometimes. He died in a traffic accident at the age of 30 and I often feel sad about even it ten years on.

Justonemorecurlywurly · 21/03/2019 21:02

Yes. All the time. But it wasn't long term. It wasn't even a relationship, just a few dates - I was about 16, he was about 19 - first boy I'd ever been out with and I can honestly say he was the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I still remember sitting next to him once and he put his hand on my knee and it felt like it was burning a hole in my leg (oh, dear god, that sounds ridiculous!!).

We would never have lasted in the long term as we weren't ultimately compatible. Pure lust, really. I kick myself though because I was so over-awed (aargh, so pathetic!!) by how good looking he was, I just clammed up whenever we were together - I could barely speak to him! So, I think he thought I had no personality when in reality, I was such a confident, bubbly teenager. I always think if I was a little older and had a bit more dating experience, I would've been so much more confident and could've had a lot of fun with him. I was just so aware he was out of my league - felt like landing Brad Pitt as my first boyfriend....

Dillyson · 21/03/2019 21:03

I found out that mine died last year. Very sad.

Frightenedbunny · 21/03/2019 21:04

Yes. And we are still in contact by phone. Often have long and meaningful conversations about how we should be together but things got in the way.

Isth · 21/03/2019 21:08

Not really. We met when I was 15 and he was 18 and we stayed together for 3.5 years. He was a nice guy, a good ‘first’ choice, and I did love him but no I don’t think about him much at all anymore. I hope he’s happy, whatever he’s up to.

KismetJayn · 21/03/2019 21:08

Yes, we are separating and I should have stayed broken up with him when he first left me and showed me what he was like ... But then I wouldn't have DD.

I think of my 2nd love, who I met while we were broken up, quite often. He was so nice but circumstances meant it couldn't work out (moving).
But I just got in touch out of curiousity recently and turns out after all these years, he's actually moving back to the area now. Completely coincidental and not sure where I want to go with it.

Haypanky · 21/03/2019 21:08

Often. And I've never been sure what that means. Both married and with 2 kids each now. I wonder if things could /should have been different. I used to enjoy Facebook stalking when Facebook was better for that, think he's come off social media now. Bumped into him with his wife and kids once, about 18mths ago. I think I made a mistake sometimes. Other times, I think maybe it's normal for a first love to have stuck in such a way?

GrumpyOldMare · 21/03/2019 21:08

Yes,I occasionally think of my first love,funnily enough not long ago,he found me on Facebook and contacted me. We had a lovely catch up and both have a special place in our hearts for each other.He's happily married to a lovely lady and I'm happily divorced but it's nice to still be friends after all these years.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 21/03/2019 21:09

My first love broke my heart. It nearly killed me. I adored him but gnored lots of red flags. Afterwards I slowly realized what a dishonest, gutless man he was - not the romantic hero I'd imagined him to be.

Taught me a useful life lesson though. And now - many decades later - I don't think of him from one year to the next.

cantbebotheredtoday · 21/03/2019 21:09

I actually seen mine today waiting at a bus stop as I drove pass. We made brief eye contact. I see him quite frequently around town and even now when I do see him I get that drop in my stomach and my legs go jelly. I'm not sure why though. It didn't end well at all with us, it was an awful break up but I'm more than over it now that I could happily stop and chat as I do wonder once in a while about him (twice a month ish) but he doesn't feel the same. He still has me blocked on Facebook all these years later.

highheelsandbobblehats · 21/03/2019 21:12

I think of my first serious boyfriend occasionally. We were only together for four months, but I was 16 and he was 18, so naturally it was all encompassing. In hindsight, it was not a healthy relationship. Too much dependence on each other and volatile. He dumped me when he bumped into an old school friend at a party. They're still together, neither have aged well. The boyfriend that followed was the complete opposite. So stable and solid. And sadly I treated him badly. He didn't challenge me. I still think of him occasionally. I broke up with him and he's been unlucky in love ever since. We were in touch for a while and then one day he deleted me. I didn't follow it up. I'm sure he had his reasons.

I'm not sure that I ever LOVED them though. Or them me. Though we all said it and thought we did at the time. The one I fell completely in love with, I did at 18. He's in the next room watching football as we speak. He is kind, wonderful and generous. He also keeps me in check and stops me being a dick. And I do the same with him. There's no power imbalance. We just clicked. And 19 years later, we still fit.

highheelsandbobblehats · 21/03/2019 21:15

Regarding the previous post about the spotty onenoe being a silver fox and the good looking one not aging well, I've definitely seen that. Some boys peak in high school and years later you realise what a lucky escape you had when they wouldn't look at you twice. Same goes for a lot of the girls I went to school with.

BlackPrism · 21/03/2019 21:17

Sometimes, he has a lot of depression now, never became the actor he wanted to be and works at PC world. I was heartbroken when he left me but thank god he did. DP is so much better suited to me....

Lana1234 · 21/03/2019 21:21

Sometimes yeah, we broke up because of distance not because anything bad ever happened and it was so hard to let go. He was the first person who properly made me feel amazing about myself and built my confidence up and I am so grateful for that (sound like Ariana grande here 🤣) i do wonder what would have happened if I had moved down south where he is when he asked me to

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