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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you had a longterm first love, do you still think about them?

103 replies

blunderbutter · 21/03/2019 15:20

My first love really shaped my life and has influenced everything I do and in many ways the way I think. It was a 4 year relationship and very intense at times. We met when I was 16 and split when I was 20.

I am happily married now and I haven't seen him in over 20 years but I do think about him every day, even if it is just a passing thought. I think the intensity of first love means they are unforgettable in a way that subsequent relationships often aren't.

If you had a long first relationship do you still think about them more than subsequent relationships?

OP posts:
darkriver19886 · 21/03/2019 15:21

I often think about her and we occasionally stay in touch. She has a partner now and is happy.

Stompythedinosaur · 21/03/2019 15:25

We still see each other (alongside our respective partners and dc). He's a great guy. I can't understand how I ever fancied him now.

AureliaJane · 21/03/2019 15:25

I very occasionally think about him, but not with any feeling. It was a lovely relationship and I am lucky that a lot of my ‘firsts’ were with someone so nice, but i don’t have any unresolved feelings or sense of nostalgia.

Alsohuman · 21/03/2019 15:27

Mine’s been dead for 12 years, I still smile when I think of him.

alrightdoll · 21/03/2019 15:29

I think of mine all the time and he does try to keep in touch sometimes but can be quite inappropriate so I don't reciprocate passed polite conversation. We both have long term partners and children now but I do find myself thinking of him.

Whoops75 · 21/03/2019 15:34

I have a friend who’s first cousin is married to my ex (still with me) so I get to see photos and hear updates.
He married someone very like me and has the life he wanted but I didn’t, settled beside his parents.
I married someone very different we have moved around a bit.
I should probably have ended up with someone in the middle lol

SparklesandFlowers · 21/03/2019 15:41

I was with my first love for 7 years. Things didn't end exactly well between us, over 10 years ago now. I'm happily married to someone else. I can literally go months without thinking about my ex, I'm just not bothered about him.

knitandpearl · 21/03/2019 15:44

I think about mine every so often. I'm married to him Smile

CherryBlossom23 · 21/03/2019 15:44

Yes, though it wasn't a particulary long relationship. We kept in touch for a few years but that gradually fizzled out, no idea what he's up to now. Still think about him occasionally.

MillyMollyMandie · 21/03/2019 15:44

I still think of my first every boyfriend. We were both 14 -15 and my heart still skips a beat when I think of him 46 years later.

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 21/03/2019 15:48

Every time i read on here about a jealous and controlling man i think 'thank god i dumped him, that could have been me'

Crunchymum · 21/03/2019 15:49

Yes. But then we got back together and now have 3 kids.

(Had a "first love" relationship aged 15-18 and began a relationship again in our late 20's)

AwdBovril · 21/03/2019 15:52

I think about him every day, especially at night. He's rather annoying, messy, & he snores. Grin

nrpmum · 21/03/2019 15:52

I married mine after 20 years

headinhands · 21/03/2019 15:55

@AwdBovril that's adorable ❤️❤️❤️

adayatthebeach · 21/03/2019 15:56

Yes cause he’s very rich now! Envy

Upanddownandroundagain · 21/03/2019 16:01

Yes, I do occasionally, maybe once a month? I wonder how he is and what he’s up to, or something reminds me of him.

Every day seems a little bit excessive, particularly after 20 years and if you aren’t in touch any more.

blueshoes · 21/03/2019 16:04

The first relationship is more unforgettable if it is a long one. The subsequent ones are shorter and just kind of blend into each other. No, I don't think about my first boyfriend every day. Rarely in fact. But now that you have mentioned ... argh. He eventually married a girl who was quite bitchy to me at school - I guess I now know what. He got the girl his mother wanted him to have and the life which I guess he wanted. I have moved so far away from his sphere and my past that it was meant to be that we did not stay together.

BuggyWanker · 21/03/2019 16:07

Yes but I married him Smile

megrichardson · 21/03/2019 16:10

I absolutely adored my first love but in retrospect he was a manipulative, violent bully. I was only 16 though and at the time I thought he was wonderful.

LailaByron · 21/03/2019 16:11

Nope. Don’t give him a second thought. Not because he was awful or we had a bad break up....just because I’m very happy with my OH and wouldn’t change him for the world!

LuvSmallDogs · 21/03/2019 16:12

First puppy love, I think of him in a “bullet dodged” sense. We live in a small community so hear each other’s business and he goes to work smelling of booze and hits on schoolies. We went out on and off for 2 years and it was a waste of my late teens TBH.

spaniorita · 21/03/2019 16:19

I do still think about him and I hate myself for it because he turned out to be an utter twunt.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 21/03/2019 16:22

Yes, I think of him quite a lot. He had a profound effect in shaping who I am - not in a good way.

EmrysAtticus · 21/03/2019 16:22

I don't think about him that much but I dream about him most nights. Is very strange. We were together for 2.5 years from 20-22. I have only had two relationships in my life (married to the second) so I guess it is still a significant part of my life.