AIBU to be completely fed up with this crazy woman and her DD

[RedRose3]

Hi all,
Long story. I met a woman at my daughter's school open day. We got talking and then became "friends". It was more of convenience friendship for both of us. Our kids did many activities together and we shared pickups and drop offs. She moved her daughter to a prep school in Year1 for grammar school focus and has absolutely nagged me to death several times to move my DD - going on and on about now lovely the new school is. It felt quite premature at that point to send my DD to a hot housing school without knowing her true potential. We loved our state school so we continued there. We still did some activities together. I heard a lot of criticism about "state school kids" from her over the years but I chose to ignore it.. Another big problem with this woman is her attitude. Whatever she touches is gold. Her kids are best, her profession is the best, her house is the best. She is VERY dismissive about others choices. (For example: DD is sporty - She made comments several times to say sports are useless). I find it very annoying. We slowly distanced ourselves from them and did our own thing

Fast forward to Year5, 11 plus preps in full swing. Her DD went to numerous tutors. We tried some tutors and settled with a tutor who had a calmer approach. This "friend" at this point was after my life for "collaboration". She wanted to know what we were doing. I told her our plans and strategy. I told her about our target schools and why we think they were suitable for our DD. She said she gathered some resources from another parent from school and would share them with me. I asked twice but I got shitty excuses (lost them, cant find them etc). So, the collaboration was all about getting info from me but not sharing anything. Through out 11plus prep time, whenever and whereever we met, her DD had only competitive questions for my DD. How much did you get in that paper? What level are you at swimming? What level in Piano? This woman also went behind my back and checked with common friends what I was upto.

Many many times I felt like asking this woman to shut up and get lost. I just kept distance and ignored. DD got into a local grammar and guess what, her DD will be going there too :( This woman started calling me again. COLLABORATION shit. How our grammar is the best, the other grammar is just crap (its a brill school , I know children who are happy there - it just didnt feel right for my DD). I spoke nicely, but I just hate her now. Last week my DD met her DD at a park. (I wasnt there, she went there for a play date after school with another child and her mum). and guess what, the ONLY things her DD asked mine were "What was your 11plus score, what level at swimming and whats level at piano. What other activites are you doing and what levels". DD is fed up and felt quit. I am going mad. I cant put up with this shit all through school now.

Anyone met insanely competitive and selfish people like this woman? How to ignore her? We aren't competitive , we don't push our kids. (Some people do, we respect their choice - we all do whats best for our kids) We just encourage our children to do their best. DD is terrified of having this girl in her class. Its not the child's fault, she was raised that way, but the whole thing is a BIG PITA long term. I hate confrontations, but one more shit talk, i might smack her.

Just a question: when did parents - particularly mothers, I fear - become so batshit? I'm pretty sure we didn't have all this crap when I was growing up (I'm 50). Or maybe it went over my mother's head.

I'm 43 and they were definitely around when I was little, my parents would testify to this.

As much as posters are.going to tell you to say 'Just fuck off'. You are clearly not.going to do it or you would have done it. Although you will see less of this woman you don't want to make it awkward for your daughter.

You must must use a combination of ignoring texts/calls if not blocking completely and stock phrases. The we don't do competitive parenting is a good one but arm yourself with some others. Snobbish, money/status obsessed colleague forced me to come up with these - 'I don't discuss house prices, its provincial and vulgar'. 'Oh please, jealously is so down market'. 'Are you STILL going on about XYZ. It's getting a bit dull now'. 'You need to relax, have some fun - you're becoming obsessed'. I repeated the above phrases on a loop.with a tight smile. She no longer bothers now, but told another colleagues, I was weird and guarded - like I was hiding something. Yes, my life.

I’ve never known anything quite like it!
I’m afraid I’d have to tell anyone like this to stop grilling me about things that are none of her business. I’d also tell them that if they grill my child like that again it’s the last thing they’ll do.

This is where having children with ADHD and dyslexia comes in handy.

No one wants to compete with you when your dc are scraping along the bottom of the class.

Although one child did have a go at Dd because her test results were bringing the class average marks down.

This is an ideal time for your daughter to learn that sometimes people are dickheads. That will be a useful tool for her going into a grammar school.

Just keep things relaxed at home, she'll be just fine.

KC225

I don’t know why people ask about house prices when it is all over the internet what you paid or sold a house for.

I really couldn’t stand entertaining a person like that for even five seconds let alone years. Just cut her off.

Oliversmumarmy Yes they can look it up all over the internet and probably have but then they need that moment to tell you their house cost more, was better value, in a better street, you over paid ...... You should have done this, that etc

Lose her. Stop responding. Her purpose is to make herself feel better by making you feel worse. Such people are vampires. You seem to find her distressing rather than absurd so stop engaging.

With people like that, I just lie, it's much more amusing.

Oh lucky you with genius child, mine is really struggling with it, doesn't read, can't count, hates sport, is so behind I am getting worried. Keeps the conversation shorts.

Yes they can look it up all over the internet and probably have but then they need that moment to tell you their house cost more, was better value, in a better street, you over paid ...... You should have done this, that etc

The answer to that is

I bought a home not an investment.

I have come across people like that so can sympathise.

Our “village” is split into 2. We are down a single track road and do have a bit of road noise from a main road. The other side is nicer but at the time when we bought there was nothing for sale.
One of the mums at dds school had bought on the nicer side and as we were the only 2 who lived in this area she made a bee line for me.

I got the whole you should have bought this side of the road, why did you buy where you did. It is so much better this side. Can’t understand anyone buying that side as couldn’t stand the road noise. It went on all through primary school.

Think I have had the last laugh.

There has been a change of use to one of the businesses on that side and big lorries now trundle past her door every day carrying smelly tar.

I had one of these too. Everything was a competition from the time we both started at baby groups. (DC1 was 3 months younger than her DC1 and DC2 was 6 months younger than her DC2) Not just a competition but she had perfected the slight eyebrow tilt and faux concern about how 'badly' DS was doing in comparison to her DS. It used to amuse me more than anything.

The solution ended up being simple. When it came time to choose schools, the ILs very generously offered to pay for the local private school. ) (Our DCs are their only grandchildren). She could not stand it and after making a snide comment went NC there and then. (She was also a bit of a Queen Bee in our local baby groups so I was dropped by all of them too). It hurt me a bit at the time, but it was so deeply pathetic for a grown professional woman to behave like that that I saw it for what it was.

I'd have to have a laugh at being as vague and ditsy as possible.
What grade did she get?
Oh she loved learning the piece for it, had such a good time with it (and keep waffling on each and every time)

Block her you owe her nothing