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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why I bother😕

241 replies

user1498912461 · 20/03/2019 18:14

DM’s birthday today. I invited my mum, dad and siblings etc up for a mini tea party to celebrate. Made a large spread of food and bought lots of thoughtful gifts. DM proceeds to open the gifts and DS (6) asks if she can pass her presents around for everyone to open one each. I said to ds that it’s Granny’s birthday and she should really open her own presents and maybe he could help her. He asked her again and she said “that’s for your mother to decide”. I told him to “help” her open them and he ran off a into another room refusing to come back. Granny then refused to open them as he wouldn’t come back and watch her and stuffed the gift bag into a career bag to take home. She then loudly stated that he’d spoiled everything and that there’s no way I or my siblings would have behaved this way. I said that he’s only 6 and that sometimes children act silly and that she needs to lower her expectations. She sat there for the rest of her “party” with a face like thunder, even when we brought the cake out and sung happy birthday! Ds refused to sing and she spent the whole time looking at ds “not singing”. She left with her unopened gifts and stated that she’ll “remember this birthday for a long time to come”. Didn’t say goodbye to ds and the kitchen is now a bomb site that I have to 🧼 clean. Wondering why I bothered and thinking the whole thing was a disaster! 😔

OP posts:
SpareASquare · 21/03/2019 04:26

Your mum should have let him help open the presents because he's right, he is only a child. Poor little boy-he had probably been looking forward to the day, a red letter day and it was spoiled

Could you do something extra nice for him OP ? Show him that you care he was disappointed

WTF??? I actually lol'd at this.

No, OP do not reward him for his poor behaviour. It is bad enough his parroting you with his "I'm only a child"

JenniferJareau · 21/03/2019 04:52

I think at this point.. OP is never coming back

Wouldn't make a difference, from the last update it is clear op sees dm as the issue not her sons rude behaviour.

NoineNoine · 21/03/2019 04:58

Your mother is a childish, high strung person who probably has a vision about how things ought to be and the slightest variation upsets her.

Was she over reacting?? Yes, very much.

But adults like this do exist, and kids need to learn to start coping with people like this. Don't pander to DS or indulge his poor me syndrome. My own gran hated me. I asked my mother why, and she just said that not everyone might like me and that is okay. It might be harsh, but the truth actually helped.

toomuchtooold · 21/03/2019 05:18

God, it was supposed to be a nice birthday tea. Would everyone really interrupt that to go and read the riot act to a kid who asked for something thoughtless? Surely you'd wait till after the tea to tell him off, so that his wee strop didn't derail the whole day? And even if you did discipline him there and then, how do you discipline in such a way as to get him to enthusiastically sing happy birthday to his granny?

OP maybe look at it this way - your mother sounds like the kind of miserable bugger who likes nothing better than having something to complain about. So she probably had the time of her life. But next year, don't indulge her. Card and a present. And don't make too much effort on them either. You know she is looking to be hard done by - don't disappoint her Grin

WhiteDust · 21/03/2019 06:11

Sounds like your Mum is tired of his behaviour and your lack of discipline. There is no way this is a one off.
The 'I'm only a child' comment is pure manipulation. How did he learn that OP?

Deadbydaylight · 21/03/2019 06:13

Christ your whole family act like children.

You need to grow a back bone with your kid before he starts becoming a big problem. He's 6. He's capable of understanding they aren't his presents to open. He's just a spoilt brat and doesn't care. You shouldn't have even said he can help open them. No they are her presents not his.

You're being overly dramatic about a situation you caused through your bad parenting. I get it, it's easier to keep a kid happy by giving into them, but that's not how the world works. He can't get what he wants all the time.

And your mum was petty, but then to be honest I imagine this happens a lot and she's sick of it. The rest of the family probably are too, they are just better at hiding it.

Teach your son some manners and tell him no means no.

AuntieCJ · 21/03/2019 06:56

The 'I'm only a child' comment is pure manipulation. How did he learn that OP?

Good question. He sounds very bratty. And as for refusing to come out of the room - he's six he doesn't get to decide. Parent him.

Prequelle · 21/03/2019 07:06

At 6 he should know better.

Mumsymumphy · 21/03/2019 07:39

Why didn't you (and DM) just say "No" when your 6 year old made the bizarre request for DM to pass the presents round and everyone open one??

And a 6 year old doesn't randomly come out with "I'm only a child" He has obviously overheard you say that in the past - explaining away bad behaviour perhaps?

Too much sulking going on from a 6 year old and his gran!

Spiritinabody · 21/03/2019 07:44

You were all being unreasonable.

  1. Your child should have told in no uncertain certain terms that it was GM's birthday and presents were only for her to open.
  2. You shouldn't have said he could help.
  3. When he asked again your DM shouldn't have deferred to you. She should have told him they were hers. Sounds like, in deferring to you, she is trying not to say the wrong thing but wants you to tell your son "no". Does he often misbehave so she is wary of saying anything to encourage bad behaviour?
  4. She shouldn't have thrown a strop when DS wouldn't watch her open her presents.
  5. You should have made your son come in for the present opening 'ceremony' and encouraged him to sing.

It sounds like there could be more to these behaviours than this particular instance. I think your DM is disappointed with your parenting skills and frightened to step on your toes, hence deferring to you.

Your son is clearly going to do whatever he wants and not to what he doesn't want to and you let him get away with this.

Be careful with what he gets away with now. You aren't doing him any favours by not picking up on his behaviour. You don't have long to turn his behaviour around:

"Give me a child until he is seven and I'll show you the man". (St Ignatius Lyola/Aristotle).

averythinline · 21/03/2019 07:49

your mum maybe highly sensitive and a drama llama - but it does sound like your DS is heading that way too..

I would suggest take a step back and look at his interactions with others...It can be tricky to parent an only as you get used to their ways ...but it is also easy to cut them more slack than you should.....

DocusDiplo · 21/03/2019 07:51

Your mother sounds rude and horrible.

I think people are being a little sanctimonious with the behaviour of a child. Possibly piling in to feel better about themselves?

MashedSpud · 21/03/2019 08:04

It sounds like your mother is tired of walking on egg shells around your little boy.
You can be in denial but when he’s a teen creating chaos then turning to you and saying “I’m only a teenager” will it be cute and endearing?

As my nana would say “You’re making a rod for your own back.”

AuntieCJ · 21/03/2019 08:07

Possibly piling in to feel better about themselves?

No, just weary of bratty kids and their parents.

RoseGoldEagle · 21/03/2019 08:17

If your child is doing this is at 6, it seems likely that he’s been allowed to do this before, or is used to getting his own way when he says things like ‘hand the presents out so everyone gets one each’ and has reacted badly to being told no on this occasion. Saying ‘maybe she’ll let you help her open them’ would also irirtate me from someone else’s parents of a 6 year old- you should have been saying ‘no DS, the persons who’s birthday it is opens their own presents, just like you do on your birthday’- from when he was 2/3, most 6 year olds I know already know this. That said, your Mum over-reacted, she shouldn’t have made a big deal out of it, a six years old’s tantrum has way too much power if it’s able to destroy an entire birthday party, and it won’t be good for DS to know how much of an impact this had- it makes far too big a deal of it.

BeardyButton · 21/03/2019 08:17

AuntieCJ... Yes. Children. Should be seen and not heard, right? And God forbid they display behaviour characteristic of their development phase.... They should be shamed right of that habit as it is highly inconvenient for the adults present. Absolutely not storing up emotional issues for the future at all!

PerfumeandOranges · 21/03/2019 08:39

Well said, @BeardyButton.

fargo123 · 21/03/2019 08:40

I suggested that DS help DM open the gifts as a way of pleasing both of them and because he was excited

Your son didn't need to be 'pleased' pandered to in this situation. It's not his birthday or special event so the presents had nothing to do with him. A simple 'no, it's granny's birthday so she'll be opening all her presents herself' is what was needed - years ago.

I've been around more 5/6/7 year olds than I care to recall, and have never witnessed this behaviour when it came to opening presents.

fargo123 · 21/03/2019 08:43

I don't think its appropriate to force 6 year olds to watch a present opening or sing happy birthday, or to apologise if they don't want to. His feelings had been hurt.

ShockHmmConfused

sparklytwinklyfairylights · 21/03/2019 08:46

Why would your DS use the phrase "I'm an only child" if he has siblings?

I have had 2 6 year olds and known lots and I wouldn't say your sons behaviour was how I've seen them behaving

If I was you I'd stop focusing on your DM's behaviour, which was rude, but focus on your DS's

Bookworm4 · 21/03/2019 08:48

Please bear in mind he's NOT 6, OP has fibbed slightly, he is at least 7 and a half & excluded from other family events going by previous posts, she knows his behaviour is wrong but obviously hoped to be supported here with the drippy mums who appease their little horrors.

sparklytwinklyfairylights · 21/03/2019 08:48

Ignore that part about an only child, I've just reread it and see that he says "I'm only a child"

Bookworm4 · 21/03/2019 08:49

@sparkly
The phrase he uses is 'I'm only a child' parroted from his mother who uses it as an excuse for his bad behaviour. Any sensible parent would be mortified if their child said this; she's training him to never be responsible for his behaviour.

sparklytwinklyfairylights · 21/03/2019 08:51

@Bookworm4 I totally agree, what a bizarre thing to say to a child.

Cheby · 21/03/2019 08:53

Your mother over reacted, but your son was a brat and you didn’t deal with it. You enabled his behaviour, and no, 6yos do not behave like this. Mine is in a y1 class and none of them would try this, if they did their parents would deal with it. You attempting to pacify him is very telling, do you always do this? Is your mum sick to the back teeth of him acting out, you pandering to him and occasions being ruined? I’d have given him a proper telling off for refusing to sing, little sod. I’d be mortified if either of mine behaved like that. They’ve have been asked to apologise and would have lost tablet privileges for the day at least.