What rites of passage did you miss and will never get to do?

[Tiswotis]

I did not:

Have a teenage romance
Go to graduation
Pass driving test

and will never:

Have a dad walk me down the aisle
Have a mum excited with me on my wedding day

and probably won't:

Have a child of my own

I like my life, but sometimes wish I had some of the above.

How about you?

Here's a less mawkish one. Never had my ears pierced (I'm 44).
My dad was very strict and refused to allow it until I was 18. After waiting that long I never bothered. It was more rebellious not to.

I have a pierced belly button though!

Don't have a crowd of girlfriends so never been on a girls holiday. That makes me sad.
That means I have only ever been to one friend's wedding/hen night (she was my bridesmaid).
Didn't make any friends at university.
Never went travelling or had loads of nights out.

No teenage romance
Wasn't allowed to get a student loan by my parents so ended up dropping out of uni because I couldn't afford it so wish I had ignored them and done it anyway
No friends except people who used me when I was convenient so no mad nights out/weekends away/drinking holidays in the sun
I was painfully shy and awkward so spent most of my time on my own in my room as a kid and teen. I still spend most of my time in my own with my kids but I would like an adult to have a coffee with or share a bottle of wine with now and again but I'm too old to be making new friends now.

Never lived alone or been on a girls' holiday

Never had a ‘girls holiday’. I didn’t have an amazing time and uni - it was ok and I tolerated it for the end goal. I had friends there but certainly didn’t make the friends for life that I always hear about.

The rest of my life has been good though (great school life, study abroad, lovely parents, lovely DH and two DDs I thought I’d never be able to have) so I’m very thankful.

I'd like to reverse this to say I've done some things because they were so-called rights of passage, i didn't want to miss out, and I hated it. You can't fabricate rights of passage and your own may come in a novel form, unexpected but serving the purpose. I went to prom, celebrated my 21st, 30th and 40th with parties, etc., i cringed through the occasions. Not my cup of tea. My rights of passage markers that i remember fondly are moments when I mastered aspects of adulting, moments when i realised i was becoming reliable and responsible to myself. Boring, but deeply meaningful to me!

Not bought a house
Not got married
Not found life partner

At 47 I'm still hoping to get the above though! (1 and 3 anyway)

Never had a child

But you know, that fact has radically changed what my life could have been, but it didn't ruin it.
Life is still good
And happy

Here's a less mawkish one. Never had my ears pierced (I'm 44).
My dad was very strict and refused to allow it until I was 18. After waiting that long I never bothered. It was more rebellious not to

Ha ha me too. My mum said I had to be 16. Once I got to 16 I thought no way and never have :)

I've never been to a festival or rave and can't say it upsets me.

I've never been to a hen do (except my own).

Never been ice skating

It's all to do with choice isn't it. If you missed out on something by choice you're unlikely to feel regret or even that you missed out. If it was due to things beyond your control you're likely to feel stronger about it. For me it was the confirmation ceremony and the associated camping trips, clubs, gifts etc that most (all!) of my friends had at 14-15 but I couldn't partake due to my parents choices. I still feel I missed out on the social aspect of it.

I have never been to a rave. But when I was young a local farmer let out his field for a rave and my parents took us in the car to look at it from across the field. We saw the outside of a big tent, but it was loud. So maybe that counts, I don't know

I have done loads of these things. The only thing I still feel a bit sad about is that I did not have a celebration for my 18th or 21st. I didn't really have any friends at the time and had no-one really to celebrate with.

I'm really shocked that people think of these as a rite of passage. Does it upset you? Bother you?

I've done nearly all of them. And believe you me it's not that big a deal, OP you really haven't missed that much!!

I'm struggling to think of anything that bothers me. Maybe these 2?

never had any grandparents. I never knew what I wanted to do job wise, so have never had a career as such.

I've never lived alone, i dream of living alone.

I've never had a long and successful marriage. To be fair, I was a very bad wife.

But I'm incredibly lucky in that I'm 50 and still have both my parents and I have lovely children who I'm very close to. And 2 amazing dogs and a best friend of over 20 years.

Really sad for so many.
I have done everything I wanted to do, no regrets at all.
I never had a ‘girlie holiday’ or a hen night or a baby shower but none of those things were the norm when I was young.
My dad was in a wheelchair (MS) so grandad walked me down the aisle but dad gave me away.
I feel fortunate.

I never went into any form of higher education - regardless of the education part, in a way I feel like I missed out of the whole university experience. But then on the flip side of that, I went into the army at 16, so experienced other amazing things that most people wouldn’t get the chance to see or do!
Other than the army, I’ve never had a proper “career”. I was medically discharged after a nasty injury that nearly killed me, and got married very soon afterwards, then had babies very soon after that. I only had little bar and hotel jobs in between. I’m in my mid-20’s, so still have time to have a career, but I can’t help but feel like I’ve missed out a bit.
DH and I have never had a honeymoon, or even a proper holiday together in the 7 years we’ve been together.

Mid 20's! You have loads of time to experience things. You are still so young.

I've never had a decent supportive, loving partner who could reach me. Sure I've had relationships but non have been very good and some have been really awful.
I steer clear now as I'm disillusioned generally with people. I think theres a lot of users out there and very self centred people.

I've also never had friends (home 'educated' by/young carer for Quiverfull family, so no social interactions in childhood. Then by the time I hit adulthood I think I'd just missed the window to become socialised, like a dog), so anything involving friends or normal teenage behaviour is right out. Obviously any celebrations for finishing secondary education were out. Never celebrated a birthday with friends. No celebrations leading up to my wedding or around the births of my children. I've never even been invited to a wedding, let alone served as a bridesmaid.

I'm at uni, but going to miss my graduation ceremony because it's a year after we finish and I will be working and living out of the area, so can't justify the annual leave/expense to mostly watch other people walk across a stage. We're trying to scrape together a graduation ball, but haven't had enough interest so that's probably not going to happen either. I've already bought a dress, too.

Never been on holiday without my in-laws (they have a family holiday every year that's very important to my husband, and we're not on a multiple-holidays budget).

Oh, well. Things are as they are.

Ironically I was raised in a religion with very clear, formal rites of passage, which I participated in but now wish I hadn't!

Never done not bothered
18-30 holiday, Festivals, Girly/teen holiday, been a parent

Never done and would have liked
Got married/have long term relationship - not too late
Learnt to cycle or drive - can’t see well enough

From other lists I have
Lived alone and lived in London, been a bridesmaid, buying a house, attended graduation (very boring), travelled with a friend abroad

I've never lived alone.
Haven't had a big wedding (that was through choice though, we had immediate family only and it was fabulous!)
Never moved abroad - nowDH and I travelled after university and planned to eventually emigrate but children and then breast cancer made that impossible.
Properly knew my grandparents.

I don’t think think the thread is sad, it’s interesting to see other lives, also to realise that not everyone has done the things my friends/SM shows

Velvet- how can you have gone through your whole life with no friends? Do you have friends now?
Oh I had acquaintances. I played with kids at primary school, they just never contacted me outside of school. And I went out to play with neighbours’ kids in the street, they just never bothered if I didn’t go out and would bin me off if they had a better option. It’s been the same as an adult - I’ve done courses and hobbies and stuff and made acquaintances, but nobody who ever bothered to spend time with me outside of the group as an individual or ever contact me again after I left.

Nowadays I’m either working or looking after DC and doing housework so I don’t have time. I’d have liked to have had a real friend though - someone I had something in common with, to meet up and go out places together and exchange Xmas presents etc. Men who did those things because they found me attractive don’t really count.

I don't think this thread is sad either. I've found it an interesting read.

Didn't give birth vaginally
Didn't have a high school sweetheart
Never been a bridesmaid
Never lived alone