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AIBU?

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Original poster

What rites of passage did you miss and will never get to do?

151 replies

Tiswotis · 19/03/2019 22:46

I did not:

Have a teenage romance
Go to graduation
Pass driving test

and will never:

Have a dad walk me down the aisle
Have a mum excited with me on my wedding day

and probably won't:

Have a child of my own

I like my life, but sometimes wish I had some of the above.

How about you?

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/03/2019 00:49

Meh, DP and I have mutually not wanted to get married for decades. Not everyone frets about not having a ring on their finger.

We need an antithread to this thread. A bucket list: Things I plan to do one day.

I’d like to travel more
Cuddle my grandchildren (4 kids so a good chance of getting at least one)
Finish writing my novel, even if it never gets published.

ReanimatedSGB · 20/03/2019 00:58

Never married or lived with a partner and never will. Quite pleased with that, really. (I am 54). Never bought a car (I did learn to drive and pass my test about 30 years ago, but haven't driven since then).

Flowerfae · 20/03/2019 00:59

I've never been to a gig or a concert
My dad didn't walk me down the aisle
Never been on a girlie holiday
Never been out drinking
Never been clubbing (if standing outside one whilst my friend was inside doesn't count ... it was a heavy metal club complete dive and couldn't hear myself think and it stank of sweat)

I sound really boring :D

Flowerfae · 20/03/2019 01:00

Oh and I've never been to a hen party

ReanimatedSGB · 20/03/2019 01:00

Many of these 'rites of passage' are things people haven't done because they have never wanted to do them. There's nothing sad about not wanting to marry, or not wanting to have children, or not wanting to be employed because you would rather live a different kind of life. I think it's quite a cheering thread in some ways because it shows that people want different things and that this is OK.

MissGuernsey · 20/03/2019 01:01

Inter-rail around Europe. It seemed to be huge in the late eighties when I left school.

Alas, I could not find a job in my northern mining town (Barnsley) so I never got round to it!

Does it still exist? Or do the young folk only do gap years in exotic places now?

Original poster
Tiswotis · 20/03/2019 01:02

I'm reading through replies slowly. Thank you all for sharing.
Sometimes I think it doesn't get discussed in real life, it can be taken for granted that everyone has done 90% of the different life experiences mentioned here.

If like me there's a few you've missed it's really refreshing to see you're not the only one!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiswotis · 20/03/2019 01:08

Have led a life full of other experiences, some good some bad like everyone else, I'm not a boring person Blush and I bet nobody else on this thread is boring either!

Certainly not about a lack of colourful life. Everyone has a story of their own.

Just some of us haven't done a number of the usual goals. I can't help wondering, for example what it would have been like to go to a graduation ceremony with a bunch of friends. Have my mum and dad watch proudly and go for dinner afterwards. That happened for most of my friends but not me. Sometimes I wonder. My upcoming wedding is making me think about things like this more for some reason.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 20/03/2019 01:08

...and Glastonbury. I've never been to Glastonbury. I will be rectifying this at some point Smile

TheFormidableMrsC · 20/03/2019 01:11

@Tiswotis funnily enough I have been thinking about graduation ceremonies recently as my DD is doing a degree and this will happen for her! I am so excited for her and will thoroughly enjoy sharing that experience with her, even though it's unlikely to happen to me. Things happen don't they? Sometimes your life (like mine) went off on an unplanned tangeant. I try and have a glass half full attitude though and wonder what goals I CAN have going forward.

Batsypatsy · 20/03/2019 01:12

Never been on a holiday as a single after leaving home.
Never been a bridesmaid except when I was tiny.
Never been a godmother.
Never gone out on proper dates with someone because I fancied them.
Never been to a hen party.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/03/2019 01:12

I think interailing is pretty pricey. My two eldest went off to Thailand and Vietnam and Cambodia for a couple of months.

mayflower43 · 20/03/2019 01:14

Never been a bridesmaid
Never been a godparent
Never given birth
Never been part of a friendship group
Have nobody who is biologically related to me - hence not had a sibling or nieces and nephews
Never been to a festival
Never watched a James Bond film

Graphista · 20/03/2019 01:20

I missed both my graduations as I moved far away from the uni's and couldn't get enough time off the jobs I was in to attend.

Never been on a girls only holiday, may happen in the future but won't be the same as I can't hack the out every night stuff now.

Gap year as a youngster - met ex when I was quite young and his job prevented (army)

I'll never know what it's like to have more than one child. I'm very grateful to have dd but she took several years, surgeries etc to get and medically I couldn't risk another pregnancy (would have been risking mine and the baby's life). I'd have loved a big family but not meant for me.

I'll never own my own home. Disabled, no career and even if I manage to improve my health enough to go back to work I won't earn enough to buy. I'm 46 I can't see anyone letting me get a mortgage in those circumstances and I'd struggle to raise a deposit.

One I hope I do achieve is travelling outside of Europe. I've travelled even lived all over Europe but not yet managed to venture further, mainly lack of funds. I have family and friends in some amazing places I could stay with and who've said so too, but can't even afford the air fare.

Lots I have done though, we can't manage everything.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/03/2019 01:22

Anyone else finding themselves humming the Ballad of Lucy Jordan?

LittleKitty1985 · 20/03/2019 01:23

I wonder how many people really wanted to do these things they missed on though?

I've done almost all of the things that people have mentioned here, even when it meant doing them in a slightly different way (eg. my hen do was mainly attended by men!).

I'm a firm believer that if you want something in life you should make it happen, & if it didn't happen then it means you didn't want it enough!

malificent7 · 20/03/2019 01:28

Well ots never too late to go to Glasto...im going this year for the umpteenth time.

However....never married, bought a house and my 21st birthday was a non event as i was suffering with anorexia and reeling from abusive ex.

OldWomanSaysThis · 20/03/2019 01:30

I haven't done a lot of typical things, but I have done a lot of atypical things.

It makes me unique.

soulrunner · 20/03/2019 01:36

I moved overseas with DH when I was 32. Meant to be for 2 years. Still here. I’m 45. I had my kids here. Uk is ‘abroad’ to them. I’ve had a great time and in a lot of ways I’ve had a much easier time of it but in a way I want to yell ‘show me my minority report’ in terms of what I thought my life would be like for those years ( buy house in Zone 2, be a London mum, etc). We’ll probably move home in the next 5 years and DH joked that there’s no point in buying a forever home as it’ll be time to downsize soon. That made me feel like I missed s whole ‘stage’ of my life.

Also... never been a bridesmaid....

SleepingStandingUp · 20/03/2019 01:48

Brownies.

😭

toomuchtooold · 20/03/2019 05:54

@soulrunner I also live abroad and I left my native Scotland when I was 25. I sometimes have the feeling that the things that have happened to me haven't happened with the same convincingness as it would have had if I'd still been in Scotland. Like buying a house. We bought our first house in London - we just got on and bought the thing, if we'd done it in Glasgow, I'd have had all these feelings about where in Glasgow, I'd have been a wow about having made my way into the posher echelons of my family etc. Being far away sort of strips everything of context, do you know what I mean?

GetStrongKeepFighting · 20/03/2019 06:33

Loads as I never had parents and had a very neglectful childhood.

Raised an epic bunch of kids though.

Lovelydovey · 20/03/2019 06:33

Have never been on a hen night - I don’t have many close female friends (and those I am/close to either aren’t married or had events I couldn’t make e.g. 2 weeks post partum).

Seahorseshoe · 20/03/2019 06:45

Sometimes it seems like everyone has an ideal life hitting goal after goal, and it can be isolating.

Social media can make you feel this way. But people only show you the good stuff.

honeylulu · 20/03/2019 06:45

Never lived in London. This might seem like an odd thing to be bothered about but I'm from the south east, went to uni in the south east and it really was a "rite of passage" for most people too get your degree, get a job in London and live there for a few years (and then move back out to buy property).
I met my husband just before graduating and he'd already done that and didn't want to "do London" again. I've now worked in London nearly 20 years, commute everyday. We have a lovely house and 2 kids in great schools so we'll never live I London now. I do love it though and feel a bit sad. First world problems eh? (I do count my blessings I promise. )

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