Refusing a name

[changingthename]

So not to drip feed,
I have a 9mo old son.
His father has only just told his family he has a child.
I was really ill during my pregnancy and was practically an impatient for the entire pregnancy, he visited once and emotionally abused me for the duration of the pregnancy. Ended up with an emergency section, baby couldn't breathe was resuscitated for 30 mins. Afterwards I finally get to hold him. 30 seconds later he demands to hold him. I say "not yet I want skin to skin" he says "don't fuck with me today" I was still on the operating table.
On Saturday there's a gathering so they can meet our son.
His family are African.
During the gathering it is mentioned that "we'll have to give him an African name" I took it that they meant they'll give him an African nickname not change his name legally.
Last night on the phone, his father says "we need to legally change his name to include an African name as my family said" I say "they didn't mean change it legally. And I don't wish to change his name 9 months down the line. That's his name"
Now he says he can't be with me anymore and no longer wants to see his son and I'm a selfish bitch etc...
Aibu to not let him add an African name to my 9 month old's already 5 names?

I do know but he has two personalities.

So you're happy for your child to grow up around his abusive personality then? Yeah, totally putting your child first.

Changing You've had some good advice, some phrased nicly, some more bluntly. Posters all intending to find a phrase that will inspire you. Like them I too hope you can find enough sstrength and support to do what is right for you and your child.

Big Girl Pants = Screw your courage to the sticking point

It's a MN short phrase intended to encourage you to be brave and get the job done!

Please tell me that this man isn’t on the birth certificate. Take this advice and times it by ten: don’t change your kids name and run like the fucking wind.

HeyCarrie I am sure OP has said he is, "he was happy to sign the birth certificate"

Wake up and run. Do yourself a favour!

Yanbu to refuse the name change legally.

You don't seem to be in a good situation. Sounds like you'd be better off and safer without him. Hopefully you will be able to get help and support to do that.

Off topic but I'm very surprised that a baby requiring extensive resuscitation lasting 30 mins was then handed over for skin to skin. A baby needing a 30 min resus needs admission to nicu!

Thanks everyone for the helpful advice.
Thanks for the comments saying I'm putting my child in danger.
I started the freedom programme a few weeks ago but forgot about it, I need to get back into it!
I know that I wasn't being unreasonable I just wanted other people to say it to try and convince him that he's being unreasonable but I've realised I'm mothering him, if he can't see how he's unreasonable then fuck it.
Fwiw my child isn't in danger he barely sees our son, I parent him on my own.
I know I shouldn't have put him on the bc, I kick myself every day.
I should also add a few months ago I changed our son's surname so it only includes mine (he consented by writing a letter when he was in a mood, now regrets it)
I'm no longer making excuses for his behaviour, I'm going to continue working with my nurse and try to become strong again and find myself. I lost myself.
Thanks