Is this school newsletter too rude?

[RudeHead]

NC as obviously outing to other parents. This week's primary school newsletter had the following from the head^^ about parents' evening...

Thank you for all the positive comments that teachers received yesterday. They all work so hard for each child in their class. Though I have noticed that there are too many parents not attending the parents meeting and making individual appointments with teachers before and after school This will not be allowed. We start at 1.30pm and finish at 7pm so whatever job you have, you can still make the consultation. I have to keep the workload down for our teachers. If there is a reason why you cannot meet on the designated parent consultation, which is dated in September, then please write to me.

AIBU that this is unacceptably rude? I feel like I should write in or something. I get her point but surely there's a better way to make it?

That’s shit. I could book a half day holiday but given I’m a single parent with weeks and weeks of holiday to cover from a single allowance I wouldn’t take kindly to the idea.

The point there is, you could book the time if you wanted to. So if you were at the school in the OP, then the head I see telling you that you should. People might not take kindly to it, but it is their children in question and the teacher might not take kindly to having to accommodate random times and meetings for various parents when there is already a designated time that the parent could choose to use. Teachers have other things they need to do at the start and end of most days, and they could also be single parents or have other family commitments too. They don't owe it to your children to put them first outside of work, but you do.

Has he never heard of a 12 - 8 shift

Where my dsis used to work annual leave was booked a year in advance

Any job where there's a maximum number of people allowed off at one time

Right, so basically if you're a lone parent AND you work 12-8 shifts AND annual leave at your place of employment is fully booked up more than 6 months in advance, you could face issues with the head's plan. I'd assume that is the case for a TINY minority of people though. And that tiny minority were asked to write to the head to arrange something. So no problem.

If it's important enough to you to meet with your children's teachers, then most people could organise their schedule accordingly.

This is almost certainly aimed at the rising number of parents who are taking the piss, and only asking for appointments before/after school because it's easier for them, or so they don't have to potentially wait if another parent ahead of them is running late. We've had this issue in recent years and the Head put a stop to it, except in exceptional circumstances. It is a complete and utter ball-ache to teachers to keep holding random extra consultations. If parents don't turn up, they are sent a copy of the teacher's crib sheet of notes and that's that.

Instead of saying

We start at 1.30pm and finish at 7pm so whatever job you have, you can still make the consultation.

They should have said,

Given the amount of notice we are giving to parents, we hope everyone can make arrangements that enable them to attend.

The length of time that the evening is spread over (1.30-7) isn't what helps parents attend. It's the notice given (6 months) which is the important factor. The school emphasised the wrong bit in my opinion.

I’d need at least two days to choose from.

Parents meetings in school are massively disruptive to the school day. All the teachers are out for the afternoon from lunchtime on (needing to prep for the meetings) so the classes must be taken by the TAs, or other arrangements made. After school clubs run by teachers, or those that need the school hall, for example, have to be cancelled etc.

So it's not really feasible for the school to be endlessly accommodating to parents, as that's bad for the children's education. Rather the onus is on parents to make something work, with 6 months' notice...

I think the question is how many families cannot get ONE parent to a parents' evening, given those hours? I know that I do a LOT of extra meetings outwith the (2 evenings, twice a year) parents' evening so that 'mum can come too' or 'dad couldn't make the dates, could we have an extra meeting?

I accommodate seeing acrimoniously separated parents, every time, without complaint or hesitation. I find it difficult that I do at least the equivalent of two extra evenings per year seeing either the 'other' parent (of happily co-habiting couples) or both parents together 'because x couldn't be there on the original evening even though y could'.

Ironically, on at least one occasion i have missed my own child's parents' evening because I was delivering parents' evenings of my own .... and that really would render me unavailable from 1.30 - 7 pm. Luckily DH can, with notice, be there instead.

The school does, of course, need to make decent provision for childcare during the evening - a creche can make a huge difference to whether e.g. single parents can make it.

It comes across condescending. It might not be they can't attend because of their job. I couldn't attend the last one for my child as my partner was seriously ill in hospital...think life changing....and I had to visit him. I was so upset about missing parents evening but as partner had been ill for weeks I hadn't been on top of school correspondence. If I had received a message like that it would have broke me.

That’s shit. I could book a half day holiday but given I’m a single parent with weeks and weeks of holiday to cover from a single allowance I wouldn’t take kindly to the idea

Your child's education is important. If you don't think so then just don't go and then the teacher will have less work.

SleepingSloth - yes, that would have been better for them to emphasise the notice given.

It's not rude at all imo.

Also, there's still scope for the parents whose jobs genuinely prevent them from attending at the designated time.

It looks pretty perfect to me.

I can think of plenty of jobs where making a parent evening slot between 1:30 - 7pm would be tricky without taking time off work or rearranging shifts.

I can also see potential problems if a large proportion of parents haven’t booked time off work on that day because they’re counting on getting a 6 - 7 pm slot.

But to me the letter reads more like the head teacher is trying to put off chancers who would be able to make the designated day & times with a little bit of effort. The bit about writing to the head teacher if you can’t meet on parents evening implies that they’ll make exceptions if parents are having genuine problems with the day and time.

And that tiny minority were asked to write to the head to arrange something. So no problem.

But why annoy people, even if only a minority, by including the silly and blatantly out of touch clause about *whatever job you have".

Why not say:

"there are too many parents not attending the parents meeting and making individual appointments with teachers before and after school . Alternative appointments will be available only in exceptional circumstances. We have attempted to accommodate the majority of working patterns by starting at 1.30pm and finishing at 7pm. I have to keep the workload down ..."

Also "Whatever job you have you can still make the consultation" is rude. It could be better put as "We are here till 7pm, to allow parents as much opportunity as possible to attend and unfortunately we cannot allow after school consultations due to workload. "

Not rude at all! It's direct, and entirely reasonable. Do you expect the headteacher to grovel and tug their forelock?!

Direct. Not rude.
Probably totally fed up with parents expecting staff to put themselves out for insignificant reasons.

As a teacher myself- I wish my head would listen to teacher feedback in this way and tell parents as it is! Yes- it is worded a little bluntly. But the message is clear. At parents evening time, we have parents who do not turn up to appointments, fail to book in despite being reminded- and then request to see us on 'another convenient day' despite the clear notice given. In any job, you have to make plans in order to go and attend your children's school events/ meetings. Just like any other appointment you may have. Of course, In 'most' jobs this time would be difficult to normally make. However, there is nothing stopping the parent letting their employer know in advance. Having to catch up with countless appointments detracts from us being able to complete other, ever important tasks such as preparing effective lessons for your children, marking and responding to their work etc. So no, this is not unreasonable what so ever. Oh and- (in the uk at least) we are actually contracted for 30 hours a week, I already work 50. Why is it such a presumption that teachers simply MUST put in more hours than they are paid for? I do not know many other professions where they are obliged to stay outside of contract hours and simply stop moaning because it's 'part of their job.' No. We already work ridiculous hours for your children- well done to this head for making that clear.

Most people will be able to arrange a day’s holiday or a late start or early finish. The letter does say you can write to the head if you absolutely can’t attend the specified hours. When I was a teacher any parent appointments outside of the specified parents evening had to go through the head teacher.

There will of course be the rare exception, but the majority of parents should be able to fit into the programmed slots, especially with loads of notice. And if partner can’t come, it’s not the end of the world, you talk, don’t you?! Agree what needs to be asked and relay the info back.

They're clearly sick of the number of parents who say "I can't make that time, I can only come at X time on a different day."
I've heard that numerous times (as another parent not a teacher). Not once has this been true and the reasons have always been flimsy in the extreme. "I don't get home till 5 and then I have to get tea" (appointments went on until 8/9pm) for example.
I don't think it's rude.

Our infant school used to do childcare on parents' evening. The idea being you dropped your child off for around half an hour while you had the consultation and gave you a little extra time to have a drink of coffee (provided free) and look at the child's books.
This cost you £1 towards school funds and the child got a drink and a biscuit. The number of parents that thought this meant drop them at the start of parents' evening and pick them up at the end was laughable. We even had one do it once and not show up for their appointment.

valenta, everyone thinks their own circumstances are "exceptional" so that wording would put few off.

I would have gone with "we start at 1.30am and finish at 7.30pm and 6 months notice is given to allow parents to organise other commitments, including the vast majority of jobs, around this"

Yes, I would say it's a bit rude and makes some assumptions. I leave the house at 6am and get home at 7:30pm on the days I work not at home (long hours and commute). I'm fortunate I can work from home most of the time when I need to (but not always) and my dh has an equally flexible professional job. If I was a single parent though or didn't have a professional job with a lot of independence (frankly no one cares where I am on any given day), it would be a lot harder and I would be pretty offended by that.

A more appropriate way to word it would be, "we will make every effort to find a time for you during parent's evening, whatever hours you work."

Not worded very well nut I agree with the sentiment. Perhaps "We are offering meeting times between 1.30 and 7 in the hope of accommodating most parents.Please make every effort to come within those times as I need to keep teacher workload down." would be better.

All parents should have a copy of the school calendar at the beginning of the year. It's often on their website too.

Parents evenings are timetabled in September. There's no excuse for not knowing when they are, other than that you're disorganised.

They have to be calendared so that working time directives for teachers are kept to, along with distributing after-school meetings and training sessions.

It's very unlikely indeed that a parents evening was magically concocted with two weeks notice.

Do any "working parents" on here not realise that the teachers too are often working parents? I too have to organise who's having the kids til gone 8pm, which involves my husband having to use his annual leave for me to do my job.....you ain't the only "working parents" affected.

Does this actually apply to you or are you annoyed for other people?

The time offered and amount of notice are fine. The wording “whatever job you have” is annoying- it’s not exactly rude, it’s just rubbish and would make me think the head was an idiot who knew nothing about the world.