Is this school newsletter too rude?

[RudeHead]

NC as obviously outing to other parents. This week's primary school newsletter had the following from the head^^ about parents' evening...

Thank you for all the positive comments that teachers received yesterday. They all work so hard for each child in their class. Though I have noticed that there are too many parents not attending the parents meeting and making individual appointments with teachers before and after school This will not be allowed. We start at 1.30pm and finish at 7pm so whatever job you have, you can still make the consultation. I have to keep the workload down for our teachers. If there is a reason why you cannot meet on the designated parent consultation, which is dated in September, then please write to me.

AIBU that this is unacceptably rude? I feel like I should write in or something. I get her point but surely there's a better way to make it?

l used to work late shifts. So that would have been undoable for me

No it wouldn't. If you had exhausted the options of booking annual leave, swapping shifts with someone else or getting the other parent to attend instead (or granny, auntie, whatever) then you might have a point.

Isn't a parents' evening important enough to book annual leave for?

There are lots of jobs that doesn’t cover but a pp is right there is also v little childcare opportunities beyond 6/6:30 so presumably one parent will be around (albeit with the children)both is unnecessary at Primary

But the head is allowing exceptions just via her

My husband doesn't do parents evenings. He's not home in time.

I go. I relay back what's said. It's not hard.

That letter is aimed squarely at a small group of parents who want the school to fit round their needs. Now whilst schools will try to accommodate, piss takers make life harder for everyone.

If you genuinely can't make it, ring school. You'll definitely get the option a phone consultation or detailed progress email.... possibly another time and day offered for an appointment but don't expect it. We all want to discuss progress etc with parents but it can't always be on their terms. And that's just the way it is. It's not 24hr drive thru McDonald's "get it when you want it".

DH couldn't make our oldest's last parents' evening and it's an important one as he has exams looming. So I went on my own and said to each teacher I sat down with "sorry, DH can't make it so I'm going to scribble notes if that's OK". Every teacher said it was. I wouldn't have been asking for another night just to suit us.

I’m guessing she has a good reason behind the letter. It’s probably because of those parents who make an appointment after school then keep the teacher for up to 30 minutes, instead of the allocated ten minute slot.
I once sat in a meeting with a colleague where the parent kept the meeting going for a more than an hour.
I think the meeting should go on later though - 8 pm would give working parents a fairer time frame.

Head is ignorant. One of my jobs, I did shifts of 11am-8pm.
Plenty of people are at work during this time.
I would write to her about it!

Not rude at all but also not very understanding of work patterns. Dh had a job that was 13:30-22:00 and the shutdown was in school holidays. Some parents will be picking dc up from a childminder at 7pm every day because they can't get to school. It's unfair not to make some allowances when there are parents that really cannot make the set times.

So when would you like your parents consultation to be?

Isn't a parents' evening important enough to book annual leave for

Not really, not if a quick phone call can do the same job.

And you are assuming the pp can get AL for that day.

If you had exhausted the options of booking annual leave, swapping shifts with someone else or getting the other parent to attend instead (or granny, auntie, whatever) then you might have a point

Love the notion that everyone can just swap shifts or has other relatives on hand to go to meeting instead. Yes in my case if DH can't go I can go. But if we both had to be somewhere that would be that.

I know MNers think you shouldn't have kids if you don't have three generations of family living within 2 miles (who definitely won't die, move or get ill in the next 20 years). However, in the real world...

Understand why the head sent it out but what about shift workers? Not everyone can attend for 7pm.

I think it's blunt. But is also not true. 1.30 to 7.30 would not have allowed me to attend when Dd was in primary unless they would give me a date a couple of months in advance (they couldn't do that for the school plays even) Our rota was done in advance, no requests after the 6 week mark, and find someone to swap with. 12.5 hour shifts. I drove past Dd's school at 6.30am and past it on the way home at 8.45pm.
So she is eliminating a whole host of NHS workers there.
Our school luckily gave a few appoinments after school for parents evenings (so teachers only did 3 or 4 each afternoon) over a week or more (if needed) so I could ask for one of my days off.

I think it depend the head has said

If there is a reason why you cannot meet on the designated parent consultation, which is dated in September, then please write to me..

So if you fall into the groups of people mentioned so far (people of work shifts that finish after 7pm where leave is limited or unable to be taken at certain times). Then you can write and explain that if the response is tough luck that's not ok if they make arrangements then there is no issue.

It's trying to say that the majority should be able to meet during the set time and it's not ok to keep booking 1:1s outside of this time as the teachers are meant to be doing other things. I think it's fair enough nothing to need a comment on for now.

But the head is allowing exceptions just via her

Exactly. If you are in the small group of parents who absolutely cannot make the times provided despite every effort then the HT will ensure that you are accommodated. Clearly an unacceptable number of parents are taking the piss with the class teachers.

I would infer that this is a HT who is protecting their staff. Longer term, this should mean lower staff turnover and lower staff absence, which will directly benefit your child. Please support them.

Love how people also think it's ok for teachers with kids of their own to do 13hr working days to fit round their needs.

And we do parents evenings x7 a year in my case.

My husband doesn't do parents evenings. He's not home in time. I go. I relay back what's said. It's not hard.

And if you (or your husband) were a single parent?

The letter seems idiotic to me. Some people have very varied shift patterns and with employers like the NHS you can't just take half a day or a day off when you feel like it.

“Not rude at all but also not very understanding of work patterns. ”

Oh come on. Most couples I know with primary aged children one at least is home before 7. And those that aren’t- they can make a separate appointment-the letter says so. It’s to stop parents taking the piss.

Please could the posters detailing myriad shift patterns which would make it impossible to attend tell us what would make it possible?

Unless everyone here who couldn't make it with six month notice even if the dog went for you and brought the notes back to the airport/a&e/raf base all somehow attend the same school its highly unlikely this letter is really anything to do with you.

The chances are so slim that this situation counts for an entire class of kids that this would be an issue.

I think that's ok

Love how people also think it's ok for teachers with kids of their own to do 13hr working days to fit round their needs

Nope, a quick call from the teacher works too. Or an email, which ds's secondary school offers if you can't make it, or one of the teachers can't make it. Last time we both went, saw most teachers but one teacher couldn't be there so she emailed us a progress report.

Yep maybe the HT was a bit blunt, but they're clearly pissed off about numerous people wanting to see the teacher outside of the allotted times, despite being given several months notice?! Like come on, from what I saw the head isn't saying they point blank will not accommodate these people, more that it should be the exception and not the rule. Yes absolutely some people work shifts or non-flexibly, but it sounds as if those people will be accommodated by writing to the HT.

My DH and I both work and commute considerable distances. We have no childcare other than after school club. And we still manage to attend parents evening on the allotted dates. Sometimes just one of us goes, sometimes it's both of us, and sometimes the kids have to tag along.

But surely on the basis that the OP has set out, with a few exceptions, most people would be able to attend within that time slot, especially given the 6 months advance notice?!

Yes in my case if DH can't go I can go. But if we both had to be somewhere that would be that

Where would your kids be in that situation?

It doesn't take into account those who might be ill or caring for others. And I'm amazed people saying granny or Aunty can attend...surely that's not allowed because of confidentiality. I wouldn't dream of sending Granny or Aunty.

But someone can go, if you work shifts. My DH never made it to a parents' evening because of his hours, but I did.

Unless your child is with a child minder until 7 (couldn't get one like that round here), surely someone can go?

Considering that the parents afternoon/evening he is referring to is in September and it is currently only March, I think that is more than enough time for people to arrange to take time off work.

The teachers are obviously fed up to the back teeth of parents' demands, and their refusal to turn up at the proper time, so the head is putting their foot down.