To ask why people delay TTCing until later on in life?

[MissPollyHadADolly19]

Just that really, curious as to why some women wait until late 30s/40s to TTC for their 1st. It's become more and more common recently and I can't help but feel sad when people I know who have waited until the end of their "biological clock" and have no luck obviously I wouldn't ask them outright hence asking here.

Didn't RTFT.

I wanted to TTC age 27, partner not on board. Started to TTC age 29 so way on time. Still TTC at age 39 after multiple miscarriages and a late termination for medical reasons. No living children.

I DID start TTC on time, I'm just still at it! And I didn't exactly inform people about it the first 7 years either so lots of people think I started late.

Why wouldn't you wait!

I am pregnant with my first at 31. I have a house, thousands of pounds in savings and an amazing career that I have worked hard for over the last 10 years that I will just walk back in as at management level.

My husband and I have travelled all over the world and there aren't many things I wish we had done before the baby arrives!

I certainly don't feel old and I'm now excited and ready for the next stage of our journey!

Because life isn’t linear, OP.

Long term relationship ended when I was 33. Only met DH when I was 35, married at 36 and DC age 37 and 39.

well dsis only 'tried' in late 30s after marrying her long term partner.
truth is - they tried for more than 10 years without luck and 'only' got married to undergo fertility treatment (different country)
sometimes we just don't know the whole story!

Its a bit of a trade off really;

GENERALLY
Having kids young= Financially struggling/limiting your options.

Having kids in the 25-35 gap= Losing your potential in a career you’ve worked so hard for already!

Having kids older= risking not having them at all, or it being a horrible struggle and people judging you for not trying sooner!

There’s no right way to do it and somebody will always pick fault!

I’m 27 and married, have a respectable job and a DH who has a VERY good career! We have a strong relationship, own a home, plenty of savings.

Mentioned starting a family to MIL the other day “Oh but surely you want to establish your career, and spend more time just the two of you, first?”

😒 There is no ‘right’ time, there’s the time that people will tell you you should wait, directly followed by the time they’ll shame you for having waited too long!!!

As long as you can provide financially and emotionally for your child when you make the decision to have them (not on benefits/homeless) then it’s FINE!!

Cos I was having a good time without kids?

Kaboodler

My grandparents are 95 & 97
My parents are 66 & 69
Oldest cousin is 45, their oldest son is 16

We do live until quite old in my family though. DH's family are the opposite, by the time he was born he had no grandparents left at all.

my parents waited till 30s because they wanted to be financially secure

apparently even then - 1970s - they had people telling them "oh you can't wait for that". Dunno why so many people ask nosey questions really!

We do live until quite old in my family though.

My grandparents lived till they were old enough it's just that my parents are both the youngest in very large families. My grandmothers were well into their forties when they each had their tenth child.

As @greenelephantscarf has said, don't always make presumptions. As far as most people I concerned I only started trying mid 30s, when reality is it took me 7 years and eventually via ivf. Plus several unsuccessful infertility treatments since for a second - and people are probably passing comment on me leaving it too late to have another!
I never understand why people care so much what others do - you've only got one life - go and live it and not worry about others!

I didn't really delay as such, I just wasn't planning on having any at all when I was younger.

At about 37 my husband got really keen on the idea, so we gave it a try and were fortunate enough to be able to with a little IVF help. If we hadn't been able to I wouldn't have regretted not trying earlier.

Really not your business

What is, on MN, luckylavender?

Our child when I was 37 but we had been ttc since I was 31. Trying any earlier wouldn't have made any difference because we would still have needed ivf.

I had a fantastic career when I had ds at 35. I gave it up because I could and was fulfilled from my achievements at that point. Wouldn't have been the case at 25 or if I'd married a different man.

How sad that saddens someone up thread.

Because I can’t ok! I hate the ‘have you never wantedchildren?’’are you actually going to have kids?’ I’d actually give my right arm but after 10 years it’s not happened and everything I get the ‘sensitive’ questions I just want to scream. I just say ‘oh we tried it didn’t happen but we’re happy enough!’ It’s not always a case of meet someone in your twenties settle down and start popping out kids!

I met dp when I was 26. I knew I wanted children but not yet. In my 30s I decided to change career. My partner was studying. We also bought a flat. When I was 36 we ttc successfully. I'm glad we waited until we'd bought a flat and I'd successfully established my career.

I had no wish to have a child until I reached my 40s. I often wonder why women choose to have children in their early 20s, that would be my personal worst nightmare (although I would never say that to anyone of course ).

I think far too many people have a baby without really thinking it through, it just seeems to be automatic, find a man, have a baby or two. How many people really, really think about what is probably the most important decision of their life?

It's so personal and the right thing will be different for different people. I met DH at 22, married at 25 and had DS at 27. There have been challenges financially (although everyone I know with small children seems to struggle financially regardless of age due to the high cost of childcare) and it's been quite lonely being the first of our friends and family to have a DC.

On the plus side DS has 8 living great grandparents and his grandparents are young and active. I hope that if DS has DC that I will be a young and active grandparent too.

I have found myself about to bounce back relatively well from pregnancy and the newborn days and am full of energy to cope with a toddler and beyond. A massive thing for me was reducing the risk of complications by having a DC in my 20s.

However I am aware of how lucky I am that I met DH young, that we managed to get on the property ladder young and that DH was happy to have a baby when I wanted one. I can completely understand why that's quite unusual and would make people wait longer to TTC.

I have never been career orientated and love working a basic admin job in a school to fit around DS. If I had been career focused having DS when I did would have been a disaster. I also am a home body and can only manage a week away from home so travelling isn't my thing. We will go on some fab holidays when DS is older but right now I am loving British seaside holidays.

Not all women in their 30s/40s 'wait' to ttc. Not everyone plans for or wants children. Me and DH had an absolute ball through our 20s and 30s. Children just weren't on the agenda, dd had other plans though and arrived when I was 39 . Wouldn't change a thing now but certainly wasn't something we had planned for!

Children aren't the be all and end all to some people.
Poor Mental heath
Return to education in late 20s
Finance
Enjoying life
Not meeting partner until late 20s
Not wanting kids before marraige
Wanting to buy a house first
Wanting an established career first
Not being at all maternal until later in life
Physically not being able to have kids and try and try for years
There is literally an endless list, and astonished you couldn't work this out yourself.

Hope you’ve got enough material for your article, OP.

I only qualified in my profession at 26 many of my contemporaries took even longer than that

I waited til then. To be honest I just didn't want to before. I wasn't ready. If it had been a choice of late 20s or never, at that age, I'd have chosen never. I liked travelling, drinking, going out, working hard, I liked my life as it was. I'm not sure what changed in my mid 30s and I think I would have been sad then if I couldnt have had kids.

I think there is more awareness around fertility now and people are talking about it however it's based on women - asking women to consider having babies earlier, the decline of women's fertility and health issues etc

There also needs to be more discussion around male fertility as this also declines with age and the chances of issues such as miscarriage increases with male age as well. Men should be having these discussions too. I have a fee friends who wanted kids and the men wanted to wait as they don't have as much education around age and fertility issues