To ask why people delay TTCing until later on in life?

[MissPollyHadADolly19]

Just that really, curious as to why some women wait until late 30s/40s to TTC for their 1st. It's become more and more common recently and I can't help but feel sad when people I know who have waited until the end of their "biological clock" and have no luck obviously I wouldn't ask them outright hence asking here.

Society needs to stop blaming delayed motherhood on women. Responsible women want a willing partner/stable finances before starting a family. Why are there so few articles about the indulgent laddish man-child stage lasts so long these days, thereby delaying motherhood for many women. yes! This!

I would have started sooner (early-mid 30s) but DH wasn't sure he wanted a child. And I wanted his child, not just anyone's. Some people want a child enough to end the relationship but I didn't feel that way at the time, though I would have done later if DH hadn't eventually decided he did want a child. I just ended up as an older mother (late 30s). It's not only the woman's decision you know.

(The Daily Mail stinks and so do lazy journalists trawling MN for article fodder. Not being malicious, just saying.)

I am not going to trawl through the whole thread (and OP, I think you do need to consider how you might come across rather than claiming unpleasant responses are 'typical MN,' because you sound very insensitive, to say the least. How hard would it have been to acknowledge in your OP that it might be a sad question here as well as 'in real life'?).

However, one thing I'm very conscious of is that people sometimes make assumptions about who has 'delayed' TTC. I'm 34, and quite a few well-meaning people have asked me if I shouldn't 'think about TTC' or 'consider a sibling for [not-my-bio-daughter] DD'. What they don't know is that I had a string of miscarriages in my 20s and have had some unsuccessful fertility treatment. There is a presumption that, if someone doesn't have babies and doesn't broadcast their reproductive history, they must never have tried to have a baby.

Often, IME, people won't want to get into things. So perhaps you know they're trying for a baby aged 38, and you feel sad it hasn't worked, but you don't necessarily know about the time in their 20s when they miscarried, or the time in their 20s when they tried for a few years and didn't fall pregnant, or the time in their early 30s when they did a few rounds of IVF and ran out of money.

I'm 27. I've been in love twice but not met anyone worth having a child with.

Masai71, they still don't think you're your offspring's sister. Sorry.

So by "people", the OP is actually questioning why women delay having children. well to be fair women only have a finite amount of time to be able to conceive naturally, whereas men can impregnate a woman pretty much throughout their lives. Although I do wonder at the wisdom of some men who father children into their 50’s 60’s and even 70’s certain in the knowledge that the children will be fatherless before they even leave school.

Women however will not likely conceive after the age of around 45 and are likely to find it more difficult after 35.

The one thing I think is going to be quite sad for children of parents who have had them in their late 30's is that if the children follow the same pattern their children will have grandparents who are in their 80s or maybe no grandparents at all.

I am in my 60's & am fit but even so I find my darling grandchildren (all under 5) tiring. Gawd knows how you'd cope in your 80's.

Why are there so few articles about the indulgent laddish man-child stage lasts so long these days, thereby delaying motherhood for many women.

Because they're sowing their wild oats, not frittering away their most fertile years.

Or some such bumph.

Sad for the parents, too, magimedi. I'd have so liked my DD to meet my grandpa, but he died when I was 18. My DP's family got going on things earlier, and my DD got to meet her other great-grandmother, and it was so lovely. It's awfully sad to think that my parents might not be around by the time my DD has children - and sad for me, not just for her.

Kaboodler

I bow to your greater wisdom

What was I supposed to do, go and have a kid with an asshole?

Exactly! This site is littered with people so desperate to procreate they'll do with any sorry ol' POS and then wind up tied to him for life. Personally, I encourage my DDs to develop skills that will help them be able to go it alone if they want to and don't have a man around and to have high standards so they dump bad men.

First of all, it doesn't cost much to get married, about £200. You don't need a wedding! And it's certainly very unwise to compromise your fertility for one event.

Yes I know, you're right and I've tried telling him so many times but he completely disagrees on that because of his family. I do know what my priorities are however and we do talk openly about it. I have recently told him that either it happens within the next year or 2 or I'm gone. I don't really like ultimatums but this is basic maths, if it's not going to happen I need time to try again. I have explained that hypothetical children are not more important to me than him however, the bitterness I would feel would erode our relationship horribly and I'm not willing to put myself through it.

Through all this my hormones are screaming "Just do it" and I know he would but I'm not willing to go into this without the legal protection of that piece of paper if circumstances do change.

It's awfully sad to think that my parents might not be around by the time my DD has children - and sad for me, not just for her.

I don't think I know anyone who had a great-grandparent still living when they were born.

Because not everything is about having kids?!?! I’m in my 30s now, I spent my 20s setting up my successful career, getting married and enjoying my life. No way in hell did I want a child or feel incomplete because I didn’t have one.

The route you take isn’t the route everyone takes ffs.

Because we much rather have spent our twenties having fun, spending money on frivolous things and exploring the world. You are also wiser and more mature (usually...) in your thirties so I feel better emotionally prepared for kids.

We've always wanted kids, but once they are here - that's it

Shart, depending on your age, you may need to bring up your deadline. He's classically stalling and stringing you along. I fucking despise men who do this. They know exactly what they are doing, too. They're the ones who later dump and then sprog up a young gal and go all Family Guy. His family can go to the Registry House. It's just an excuse.

As all others have said. Because people want to be responsible and have security for their children - a stable home, career progress so that income is more likely to be maintained etc etc etc

@kaboodler
I had 4 great grandparents when I was born. My ggm died when I was 20

My ds had 5 great grandparents. Sadly now has 4. I'm mid 30s. I know it's rare to have great grandparents, let alone that many!

Finding someone to have DC with, for starters, no one popped up like magic the second I turned 18. Then wanting better financial security- I have a fixed term job atm and DP (if he's the one, I hope he is) us finishing career training, and I'd still like is to be better established as a joint unit. Oh, and no room at home for expansion atm and I just don't want to yet. Whilst there are no guarantees in life, I really do want more security than I have atm.

Just curious as to why on earth you’d think this was any of your business, if it’s any woman other than you?

I don't think I know anyone who had a great-grandparent still living when they were born.

My DS had a great-granny despite my own great age Maybe those of us from longer-lived families are more inclined to wait.

I would say it’s almosg always because of some dick head man.
And then being alone mid thirties and all the other dick head men wanting to date someone younger. I mean why would they want to date someone in their late 30s when they’re 45 and might now want kids 🤔

Christ, if I'd had kids with the blokes I was with in my 20s I'd be stuffed as it was, I had a chance to grow up, get to know myself, get a career, and find a man that I both loved, and I could live with, and shared my goals.

Personally, I think there's an awful lot to be said for growing into yourself before you make a huge commitment to someone like having kids with them - it's an enormous risk.

Like anything, people have different priorities in life. Some want babies early, which often means they are unlikely to have a good career, tend to not be able to afford buy a house, etc while someone else will decide to concentrate on progressing in their career, earn good money, plenty of savings, buy a house, travel, have interesting hobbies and only then decide to have a child.

I couldn't have children but would have definitely chosen the latter had I been able to do so.

Because I didn’t want to have a child with the first guy that came along like so many women do. I have so many friends who simply wanted a sperm donor and that was more important than whether they would still be together in 20 years’ time. The fact that they had little in common, didn’t laugh together and didn’t even really like each other didn’t come into it. Most of them are now single parents or in v unhappy indifferent marriages. I get that for some women, the biological pull throws all common sense out of the window, but my desire for a good solid relationship was always way stronger.

I waited until the right guy came along and am very happy with that decision.