To ask why people delay TTCing until later on in life?

[MissPollyHadADolly19]

Just that really, curious as to why some women wait until late 30s/40s to TTC for their 1st. It's become more and more common recently and I can't help but feel sad when people I know who have waited until the end of their "biological clock" and have no luck obviously I wouldn't ask them outright hence asking here.

Stop feeling sorry for people! I just didn’t want one earlier. I wanted - and did- have a fun life full of experiences I couldn’t have had with a child. Then I felt ready at 37 and had a child. If you look into the ‘fertility falling off a cliff at 35’ stats is actually a bit of a myth. Most people in their late 30s have no fertility issues.

Sex ed for example "when you turn 35 you have pretty much 10% chance of conceiving naturally

You were told that at school? Why, it’s staggeringly untrue. You don’t actually believe that do you?

We also enjoyed lots of lovely holidays in the 2 years we were together before TTC, so feel like we got that out of our system.

@Windingstreams probably not 10% chance that was me pissing in the wind abit with that figure but it wasn't a high percentage. Well yes, as a 14 year old in school everyone believed that, baring in mind sex education for some of us was soley from school, not outside influences such as open parents to ask. So myself and others took it as gospel. Post school was the same, then when I got diagnosed with PCOS, again the same thing said again after 35 you are at higher risk of x y z.

Well it’s not hard to look it up and see

“Figures for women aged 30 to 34 and aged 35 to 39 are fairly similar, with 94 per cent and 90 per cent conceiving within two years, respectively.

At 40, your chance of conceiving within a year is about 40 to 50 percent”

I’m an academic and almost one year into my first permanent post aged 33. After I’ve clocked up two years I’ll be able to go on maternity so can consider it when I’m 34/35.

Sorry haven't RTFT but as someone memtioned on page 1 I often wonder why people had them so young.

For every thread on here about an older couple struggling to conceive I'm sure there is at least one thread from a family that worry they will never get a mortgage because of childcare, threads from SAHMs who have a pittance put away for retirement and threads from women separating from men (often while pregnant!) who turned out to be an arsehole and are facing life as a single mother.

In the case of the latter i do often think 'no shit sherlock you met this guy 2 years ago.... WAIT FFS!!!'

I do think a lot of women and men are quite feckless when they decide to have a baby when they're in the flush of a new happy relationship.

OP, did you grow up in 1950? It’s been quite some time, fortunately, since girls in the first world were educated to think their sole purpose was to have babies, or given such misleading sex education that they genuinely believed they would be unable to conceive in their 30s. .

Didn't meet DP until my 30s.

@WindingSteams yes You could also look up and find HIV can be treated with herbal teas and witchcraft - point being anything can be found on the internet, doesn't always mean it's reliable (or true). Especially for example when you look at maternity notes, it says as a risk factor - being over 35. When you go to the doctors with fertility issues, age is always the first subject to come up. It's everywhere you look and was, still is forced down alot of women's throats that if they wait till such and such are they may never have children. Unfortunately for some its true.

and I can't help but feel sad when people I know who have waited until the end of their "biological clock" and have no luck

Well this sounds judgey and patronising whilst thinly veiled as concern.

What if I said, Iwonder why people have kids young and often feel sad because they've wasted their 20s at soft play and changing nappies instead of travelling and enjoying their youth.

See how that sounds?

So if you knew someone who had recently started TTCing at an older age, excited and looking forward to becoming a parent only to be told by the doctor sorry you left it too late - you wouldn't feel sorry for them? As my OP says I feel sorry for PEOPLE I KNOW - not every man and his dog. It's sad seeing someone's dreams shattered but it made me think on the reasons why people do leave it later in life. Not exactly judgy or patronising is it to be interested in people's experiences or views on becoming a parent?

I had my first (and only - a choice) at 40. I was selfish before hand and wanted to travel, go to gigs and generally live my life before I settled to have a family.

Children were not and never have been the be all and end all for us, but obviously we are very happy to have our little one and to have changed our lifestyle accordingly. If we weren’t able to have children at the time we tried we would have been happy to have continued with our approach to life.

Whilst I am more tired than others, I have a relatively stable career and am able to brush off the politics that comes with having other mummy friends because I can’t be arsed with all that (which I am sure others can do who are younger than me!).

@misspollyhadadolly19 I didn’t look up random unreliable facts from the internet. As an intelligent adult I looked at reliable sources as per the below - these are official researched stats. I don’t understand how that’s remotely like claiming HIV can be cured with herbs. You seem to be a little confused and I’m not sure trying to remember something from your school days without checking is helping you. At 35 your chance of getting pregnant within 2 years is 94% not 10%. You were just a little out!

www.babycentre.co.uk/a6155/your-age-and-fertility

www.webmd.com/baby/pregnant-after-35

@Mouikey totally agree with the mummy friends part, didn't have that when I had my first DD at 17 but seem to be bombarded now at 24 - not keen on the whole mummy to be, due date buddy and then future play date malarky! Quiet happy life suits me more.

@Windingstreams as an adult yes, but as we was talking about during school no. The point I'm getting at is depending on where you look for info there will always be conflicting advice. And yes on the internet it says that but when you actually go to the GP it can be totally different information and statistics. But behind the biological sciences of it my OP was to ask others what their reasons and experiences of being an older parent were, it's nice to look at how other people view and prioritise becoming a parent.

If I was asked what made me become a young parent(which believe me did happened alot) I didnt get my undies in a twist over it, it's nice to be able to share my beliefs/experiences/opinions on something that is interesting to someone, especially as if you are younger you will never experience what it's like to become a mother for the first time at 40 not would an older mother know what it's like to be one at 16. Didn't know there is so many precious people that find asking someone's views on something even remotely offensive.

Didn't know there is so many precious people that find asking someone's views on something even remotely offensive.

Have you never been on here before?

Windingstreams as an adult yes, but as we was talking about during school no. The point I'm getting at is depending on where you look for info there will always be conflicting advice. And yes on the internet it says that but when you actually go to the GP it can be totally different information and statistics.

No there are not conflicting figures. Those are official researched figures. I doubt a GP would give you random statistics on fertility.

Your whole post was based on the premise that women are somehow being silly by not trying for a baby until their 30’s. You then said this was because at 35 they have only a 10% chance at conceiving naturally. I’ve corrected you that this is actually 94%. Therefore that’s your answer - people understand fertility better than you because they’ve probably researched it

@PurpleDaises been here too long, i dont know why people think this is the worse thing asked on MN. There's far worse

People aren’t saying it’s the worst thing to ask. Just that it’s a daft thing to ask. Which it is.

@Windingstreams point out to me where I stated women are silly for waiting until their older? I'll wait..

My bad Ill ask on Quora next time

OP, I think most of us have a pretty good idea what makes someone have a baby at 16.

@Ottessa, and what's that? Without asking people who have had a child at 16 on their reasons how possibly could anyone know? Oh that's right it's better to sit and judge silently than to openly ask a question so you can gain an insight..