To think that this was racist?

[Simmerflew]

DH and I visited in laws at the weekend. They'd recorded a rugby match and were watching it. I don't follow rugby, so I'm not sure who else was playing, but I know France was. The camera zoomed in on a French player who was potentially non-white (for the record, I'm not even entirely convinced on this, but he had dark hair and eyes, and a darker complexion than many white people would have). The conversation went as follows:

FIL: I wonder where that guy's from.
DH: Well he's playing for France, so the most likely option is France.
FIL: Well you don't look like that and come from France, usually.
DH: Why do you say that?
FIL: Well, lots of non-French players play for France. They let anyone in. One of their players is called Demba Bamba.
Me: (vaguely recalling hearing this name during a conversation in work) Right, but he's French, isn't he?
FIL: Well not with a name like that.
Me: But this guy on the TV could have been born and raised in France - how do you know he wasn't?
MIL: well, he might have been born and raised there, but looking at him I can tell he's really Arabic.

I didn't want to say too much and the conversation moved on after that, but I felt uncomfortable about it for the rest of the day.

AIBU to think that making trying to make a judgement about this guy by his skin tone (and the other player by his name) is actually racist? I mean, I understand being curious about someone's heritage, but surely bringing up race when it's not relevant does kind of cross a line into racist territory?

It’s definitely not racist but it is ignorant to believe you can’t be black and french. They obviously are ignorant about French history.

I notice that the people I’m asking if they think Rachel Dolezal in black because she says so are skirting answering that. It’s a simple yes or no question.

@simmer
Seriously OP this is an unprecedented level of cognitive dissonance you've got here.

I don't know what you mean by "truly" (I'm not sure you do either) but I'm going to have a guess and say you mean "legally". Someone who lives in a country, adopts a way of life and obtains legal citizenship.

Would you say then, for example, that you could be "TRULY" Japanese in a year or two if you moved there? Or would you recognise that to be an absurdity?

You think your beneficent political correctness is bestowing inclusivity on the world. When in fact you're just denying literally everyone their rightful identity.

"Joanna Lumley is truly Indian" I've heard it all now.

@scatterolight are you... Serious? Well I'm sorry I've upset you by denying everyone their rightful identity. I'm also really glad that you're here to speak for everyone, otherwise how would I know the error of my ways? Really helpful to have you around to put words in my mouth, as well, otherwise I might not have come across as sufficiently confused and that would somewhat weaken your point.

It's the kind of casual racism which will hopefully disappear over time. A generational thing. My parents and most of their siblings all had/have a similar attitude, unfortunately.

squishee

I'm 44 and my perception - only mine of course, not speaking for others - is that it's getting worse. I don't see it as a generational thing at all.

Well, OP, your DF only asked where you thought a particular guy was from. That's not racist. That is being curious.

He then went on to say he didn't think the footballer was french because of his looks. That is just because people mix up nationality with ethnic origins. So, your DF thought he originated from another country and not the one he was playing football for. He wondered which one. He looked foreign to your DF. There is nothing wrong with that.

He wasn't making any derogatory judgements based on his potential origins which would be racist.

Too many people claim something is racist when it really isn't. IIt is becoming ridiculous. It's like claiming those who voted Brexit are racist for expressing that they want immigration to be lower and better controlled. That isn't racist either.

No, that’s more likely to be xenophobic, which is slightly better, I suppose.

And ‘he looked foreign to your DF’? Why, should her DF have expected him to be a Brit? Clearly, for you and the OP’s DF, foreign = not Western European.