To be hurt to be told “not interested”?

[Bathalfcomplainer]

So DH ran the Bath Half marathon yesterday. I was supporting with the kids (2 and 5) and after watching the start, we traipsed around Bath battling crowds to get to a play area. The usual hassle but had a good time there, until DD#2 decided to poop herself. This is unusual - she’s 99% potty trained during the day. So I had no spare change of clothes! So we are in the pay toilets trying to clean up when DD#1 is sick over the pram (too much spinning on the roundabout).

Total panic. Both crying, both filthy, this toilet is filthy too but at least has a baby change table.

Finally manage to improvise a pair of trousers out of a coat (it’s freezing). Eldest refuses to move. Manage to drag her out and up the hill with the promise of letting her watch YouTube later (which I hate - this is my bribe of last resort).

We were on track to watch DH cross the finish line before all this, but now had no chance of making it across town in time. DH phones to ask where we are. He’s super fuming that we weren’t there to see him. I say I know, I’m sorry, please listen to why. But he hangs up and texts “not interested”, and then more about being “let down”, and “you have no respect”. He says “I’ll see you at home”.

(An empty threat as I had the park & ride tickets).

We eventually meet up about 40 minutes later after I’ve dragged two filthy screaming crying girls back across town. We agreed to just head home.

He later admits he was being unfair but doesn’t go so far as to apologise. Now, the next day, he tells me he’s feeling depressed about how we weren’t there for him and didn’t go out for pizza afterwards like he wanted.

By the way, for context, this is his 5th half marathon, and he did more than 25 races last year, and I nearly always have the kids while he does this. We always try to watch him at the finish and most of the time we make it, but the reality of kids aged 2 and 5 is that hanging around waiting in cold, entertainmentless race venues doesn’t always make this possible!!! And he’s always raging when I’m not there cheering.

Am I being unreasonable to feel hurt at this situation?

Just sending hugs to you because he sounds absolutely awful and I really feel for you and the kids. He's really nasty.

You need to leave this guy for your children's sake.

I can't believe most of this. Snippets of feeling a bit let down, and reacting childishly to this, sometimes happen.

But you've described regular abusive and selfish behaviours by a self obsessed bully.

Nope yanbu , your DH is a dick. There's no way I'd even be attempting to take kids of that age to stand around in the cold waiting for a bloody race to finish. Tell him to grow up.

Ah just read your birthday card update. No forget trying to renegotiate the family. Ltb.

He's obviously thoroughly self-centred. Why are you going along with it, OP? When he asks you to come and watch him, why don't you say no thanks, you'd better do something the children enjoy (since it's your only family day and he clearly isn't planning to)?

OP I think you need to stop and take a hard look at this relationship. He is an abusive controlling bully who has you walking on eggshells around him. If you won't leave him for your own sake then do it for your children who deserve so much better.

It’s not often I say this but - show him this thread. What an unpleasant, needy, selfish cunt he is.

Take the bloody black bags of clothes and toys to the charity shop on Saturday, and then you can cancel the lessons your DD doesn't really want to do. Your marriage OP but I would have addressed this years ago, your poor kids!!!

I hate reading threads like these. Why on earth would you stay in such a god awful miserable existence with a foul human being?

You'll be a million times happier without him.

YANBU. He sounds childish and petulant. I wouldn’t bother going to see any of his marathons in future, doesn’t sound like much fun for children so young anyway.

Hope you always keep spare clothes to hand for future reference though .

Sorry, just read the update. I now know why you don't say anything.

He’s incredibly selfish. He’s lucky you have turned up to any of his races ever because no way you would have had me dragging my 5 and 2 year old DC out in the crowds

He is utterly hateful.

"So to summarise, you work FT and spend the evenings cooking and desperately trying to keep the house tidy as he hates mess, while he relaxes in front of the TV or on his phone, pausing occasionally to shout at his children. Then on Saturday you're expected to drag your tired 5yo to a series of activities for over 8 hours, as dictated by him. Sunday is either spent doing "family time" activities, as dictated by him, during which you must all "tread on eggshells" so as not to upset him. Or if he has a race you get to spend your Sunday stood around in the cold with two bored DC waiting for him to finish running so you can all clap and tell him how great he is, and he gets to talk to you like shit because he's tired and hungry. "

This OP. This poster summarised it. Every post you write makes it look worse.
He blew his top because you didn't manage to get him a birthday card, even though you organised a family trip away.

He is not a good father. He is a terrible father, and a terrible husband. He is a bully who throws a tantrum if you do not pander to his childish whims.
He needs telling straight why he is an absolute dick.

This takes me back to my life when my DC were young, however it was me insisting I came along to watch as I thought DH would like that. He has told me since that he would have preferred we all stayed at home and he did his races alone, as I used to wind him up before his race shouting at the kids and asking him to help me out. Ask your DH if he really wants you there and if he does he needs to help you to make sure you are prepared for the day out just as he is for his race. Hope you are all friends now and getting along.

Your birthday card update is so sad. You booked and organised and facilitated a surprise Devon holiday but it's all ruined because you forgot a card? Nothing you do will ever be good enough for him. If it hadn't been the card, it would have been "this is the wrong birthday cake" or "I don't like this holiday home" or "I'm missing marathon training for this and it's raining".

Buy the whiteboard like a PP suggested, only instead of putting the timetable on it, write: "I AM FILING FOR DIVORCE."

Picture life without him: DDs don't say fuck til they're teenagers. Weekends have way fewer activities and a lot more fun. A clean, tidy, clutter-free house without a rage bomb in it. No more marathons. Eggshell-free.

It’s not often I say this but - show him this thread. What an unpleasant, needy, selfish cunt he is.

NO! Do not do this!!!

Why do people come onto other peoples threads to project their own nonsence? Seriously mrsm if you want to complain about your husband, make your own thread. Dont try to derail someone elses because you want a good moan.
This is awful OP, I dont have any advice that hasnt already been given but I do hope you realise that this is wrong and you deserve better x

WFTisgoingoninmyhead

Are you reading the same thread?

Omg I’ve read all your posts now.

Seriously why are you with this arsehole?? Do you want your daughters to seek out and tolerate someone like him as partners because that’s what they know? Really?

Get out.

I was originally going to brand your “D”H a pathetic man child for throwing a tantrum. But the more I’ve read he’s actually much worse than that. He’s a bullying, selfish, abusive prick.

Yeah ignore my advice to show him the thread.

Just leave.

He's an abusive narcissist.

You and your children absolutely deserve better than this.

I would make sure you are on the pill so there’s no likelihood of another child to use all the stuff he’s hoarding. Secondly you have to learn to stick up for yourself and be assertive. Do you ever say no? Thirdly decide what’s best for you and girls and start changing your days for the better.

I’ve said it before but too often ‘family time’ is time when one parent doesn’t want to parent alone. Often (not always) dads don’t want to take care of their children without mum around.

Wow he sounds like bloody hard work and a petulant spoilt brat. What an absolute arse. I hope you make the right decision op and tell him to jog on. Poor kids having to witness their father behaving in such an unkind and cruel way to their mother.