How does this birthday card make you feel?

[Fretful]

Without giving any background as I would like some unbiased opinions, please

OP it can sometimes seem that posters get fed up if people in difficult circumstances struggle to leave or act on advice. But there will also be a lot of patient understanding posters too.

No one is bored OP. Please post again on R'ships.

Threads seeking support aren't meant to be for entertainment, and you're not obligated to make it that way. It's your life not a soap. The posters who are willing and able to support aren't looking for entertainment factor. You can repost on your threads days and weeks later. To add info. or update or just vent. People will read and remember you.

It's offensive. The sort of misogynistic 'joke' that might have been considered acceptable by some people 20 or 30 years ago in the same way that casual racism was tolerated.

It is in no way funny that the male partner does not 'allow' the female partner to come to the pub. It is in no way funny that he controls the heating and does not allow her any heating when he is in the house. Abusive, misogynistic behaviour is not funny.

By the way, there is no need for posters to defend their offense on the basis of 'context' or their own experience of abusive relationships.

You would not be expected to defend racism only if you had been the victim of racism.

FGS, women need to stick up for themselves a bit more. This is simply unacceptable. Calling it out does not mean you are lacking a sense of humour or that you have to have had some sort of personal history of abuse any more than calling out a racist joke would.

Funny yes.

I have heard it before though. Maybe 20 years ago!

The type of card my family would get me as a joke. Tbh we’d all probably laugh.

Sort of joke my dad would come out with. Nothing to be offended by unless there’s some ridiculous back story?

I laughed. It was funny

NoParticularPattern - Nothing to be offended by unless there’s some ridiculous back story?

Lol my dad was terrible for turning the heating off when he went out lol it was a running joke! 😂

Crap sexist card

And a bit sad and depressing

You don't need a 'context' or 'backstory' to find sexism offensive. The context is that we are now in the 21st century and most people consider that women are equal to men and that it is not acceptable or funny for their partners to control their behaviour and show no consideration whatsoever for their needs or feelings.

I thought it was funny but the joke isn't on the female the joke is about what a selfish twat the bloke is

I'm not sure that's true. I think a lot pay lip service to equality without ever changing their entrenched beliefs.

I didn’t find it funny because it reminded me of recent thread about Hive thing and OP’s DH remotely turning it down when not even home. Had me fuming then and this card caused the same feelings.

This is the kind of card that would prompt a conversation which would end with me being labelled "over sensitive", "confrontational", having "no sense of humour", and "taking everything too seriously". The same as every conversation I have which even vaguely suggests that women get a shit deal in this world.

@chickywoo yes exactly! I think this is what a lot of people are missing. The joke is on the man rather than a dig at the woman.

I didn't mean "context" in terms of a personal back story. Just that it's harsh if posters were pondering whether a joke was acceptable black humour , within limits of pushing the boundaries etc ...without knowing the OP was in an abusive situation. Perhaps not a scenario where they'd knowingly post their thoughts. Ie context of the thread.

I can laugh at some religious jokes that others would not find funny. I wouldn't do it on a thread where OP was experiencing religious discrimination.

Just to say, I'm not judging or am hurt by anyobe's comments before I posted the context. I really wanted to see what points of view there were without putting context in my OP.

Thanks to everyone who has comnented

What on earth would make people say (think) that the joke is on the man? At the very least he is being controlling, self-centred and considerate to the point of being deliberately nasty. The 'humour' is meant to come from the fact that the woman gets her hopes up, only to be let down. Even if the card was presented in such a way as the man's behaviour is meant to be challenged, it's not funny. No more than someone being racist would be.

It's a bit dated, the humour is. But it's sweet.

Sooo unfunny

Pasta, I find your point of view troubling. You seem to be suggesting it's OK to laugh at sexist or racist jokes as long as you're not the butt of the joke or with someone who is. I don't agree with that position. I'm not black or disabled but I wouldn't find racist or disabled jokes funny regardless of whether I was with someone who was the butt of the joke.

OP, really sorry to hear that you are experiencjng emotional abuse. It is absolute crap that only violence is domestic abuse, and the local charity you spoke with need to ask themselves why the police now act in cases of co-ercive control.

Have a look at the Freedom Programme. It may be in your area or you can do it on line.

I hope more experienced posters than me can help you find more helpful local support.