How does this birthday card make you feel?

[Fretful]

Without giving any background as I would like some unbiased opinions, please

Sent by your partner in an abusive relationship then yes it is offensive and not snowflakey or lacking in a ‘dark SOH’ to think so.

It's the sort of thing that was considered funny in 1974.

Not now surely?

I like it 😁

However I also like the Two Ronnies, Benny Hill and Les Dawson which I can't imagine are popular with most people on this thread!

Is the in-law supportive of you or do they think you should just put up with it?

The joke is dated, but still funny to lots of people. It’s a ‘nothing’ card, UNLESS it’s sent in a ‘meaningful’ way. Then it ‘means’ they’re either for you, or against you.

As others have said, post in Relationships and we will help you. 🌷

I'm in an emotionally/psychologically abusive and manipulative marriage

^ that’s FAR FAR FAR more important than any card or any comment by anyone else x

As pp have said context is everything. I actually think it's a bit sneaky of op to post the card, get different opinions and then whack us all in the throat with the context.

It's stuff like this that makes me not enjoy mn sometimes.

It's the sort of joke Bernard Manning would have told back in the '70s in the Embassy club. As a warm up. Before he got on to telling his really f'ing awful sexist 'jokes'.

It says more about the sender of the card than it does you. Your PIL are idiots. Especially so given the context.

Oh well in that case op id be wondering what the hell their problem was

It's a joke, it doesn't bother me and I don't find it offensive. However given your situation, I think the person who sent it was tactless. I doubt they have done it to offend you though, unless you have other reason to believe this.

Do you think the IL is gloating? Or do you think they're making the point that they know you're in an abusive relationship and how awful that is?
Please follow the advice from PPs and go to the Relationships board. The card isn't important in the context of the wider relationship.

I think it's mildly funny. Do you prefer a loving card for your Birthday?

Is a sense of humour by-pass obligatory on MN? I've seen many cards where the 'sexism' is reversed, in fact these days far more likely to be anti-male, but I assume that's OK on here!

I used to send my parents funny cards. My dad love them and showed them to everyone. My mother was always very offended by them. He told me towards the end of his life that her lack of a sense of humour was a problem for him.

Lines stolen from the Royal family

No, they’re not. This joke predates them by a LONG LONG way. They used a long standing joke.

Took me a couple of reads to get it. In the shop I'd have put it back down and promptly forgotten about it. If I'd received it, I'd be disappointed it wasn't funny when it was supposed to be.

That being said, I can understand it being hurtful to some people as it could act as a trigger for several issues. It's the same with any joke I suppose.

I think only a misogynist would genuinely laugh. But some people like it. I wouldn't, but I'm a survivor of DV who grew up with this mentality too.

Bum, I had the thread open in a tab from earlier and forgot to refresh,. Sorry OP. Not at all funny in that context. I don't have anything useful to add that hasn't been said by PP who had actually RTFT before posting

Thank you to those offering sympathy. I'm a bit bruised by the lack of help from official services. I have posted in Relationships before but on different threads and quite sporadic. I imagine I'd just bore everyone stupid on there (and here)!!

I’m it surprised you felt sick.
That card made my blood boil because of the level of sexism in it. It assumes the man is in charge and can do whatever he wants, incl misleading the woman.

Btw you will NOT bore anyone in the relationhsip threads. (Nor on this thread).
The Boeing idea, it’s him talking. Not the reality.

Start a new thread and ask for help. There are plenty if knowledgeable people there who can help/support you.

Thank you MadAboutWands

this joke was used in the royal family

Just seen your update. I can why it makes you feel uncomfortable now,

That's said, without knowing the person who sent it. I wouldn't necessarily think it was meant nastily. Unless they are usually an arse, my guess is it's more of a dig at your DH. Its more likely a message of support to you & a fig at him, even if a bit clumsy, & I'd guess by someone with a slightly dark sense of humour

It reminds me of the same lines used in the comedy 'Royle Family' - nothing more really. Of it's time perhaps.

I can't believe people actually think it's funny.

Hugs and strength to you, OP. He doesn't have to have hit you for it to be abuse.

Crap joke to me but context is important and I don't think earlier posters should feel bad.

OP I'm sorry you have had that response in trying to get help. I wonder what organisations you have contacted. Did you go through an assessment process? Domestic abuse organisations should be very switched on about what an abusive relationship looks like and certainly the assessment tools look at much more than physical abuse.

Have you tried Victim Support?. Is it worth trying the local women's organisation again? I know you feel let down but maybe worth talking to them again.

I wonder about context. If in relation to legal assistance/order or a refuge place it's possible you have had a poor response based on resource. Not saying that's ok, it's not. But you may be able to get some support to think through and explore options/avenues.

Do you have a friend you can confide in? Put your heads together? Do you have DC at school...perhaps approach school? An approachable employer, GP?

Sometimes when feeling very stuck reaching out in anyway can help.