How does this birthday card make you feel?

[Fretful]

Without giving any background as I would like some unbiased opinions, please

It's a very old mildly amusing joke that I've seen before, a bit sexist but nothing to get your knickers or y fronts in a twist about.

The context, then: sent to me by an in-law for my birthday, who is aware I'm in an emotionally/psychologically abusive and manipulative marriage.

OP, that context is important and makes it not at all funny.

Just dated and a bit pathetic.

It's a shit card and an even more shit card when knowingly sent to someone in an abusive marriage.

OP. Are you getting help to leave the relationship?

Havig read your update your relative is an insensitive twat. But more importantly what plans are you making to leave?

Fish doggy that is shit and its tjay sort of comment that makes me stop and think. I suppose I find the card funny because the thought of DH being so petty is ridiculous. For others it's not.

In fact the thought of DH going to the pub is ridiculous

Laiste No, I've reached out to a local women's charity but it has become clear that there's nothing they can do unless he turns violent. One volunteer actually said, 'he needs to hit you' and another said that I just have to talk to him. Oh, why didn't I think of that?!

I wouldn't like to receive it. It implies a man being shitty to a woman, and the receiver - an idiot who would laugh at it.

I don't know what sort of relationship you have with the in-law who gave you the card op but maybe it's their clumsy way of letting you know that they know what's going on and perhaps reaching out to you. Either that or they are a vindictive piss taking cunt.

It's sexist crap.

Meh. I can't get worked up over it🤷🏼‍♀️

It's funny tbh, I can think of a few guys I know that it would be a good card for, but more because they're obsessed with switching heating & lights off than being sexist arses 😂

Sorry op I x posted with your update. I'm bowing out now as my comments about oc gorn mad are not relevant. Best wishes to you x

I have a black sense of humour, so if my inlaw fully understood & agreed it was abusive, when they sent that card.. I'd laugh at it for sure. At the crappy situation I was in & them being blunt about it & at myself for not knowing how to exit.

You need a black SoH like me to feel that way. I know most MNers don't have dark SoH.

If you were my IL, I imagine I'd be telling you to leave now though, not sending any twisted humour cards about it. Does IL fully agree that you're in an abusive relationship, or do they think you have a dark SoH about it?

Fretful - have a look in 'Relationships', here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships. There's a thread about leaving abusive relationships running right now.

Also perhaps start your own thread there (new name if you want). I've been knocking around MN for enough years to know that there are a lot of very very knowledgeable, wise and supportive poster here if you reach out. Many have been through abuse themselves and escaped x

Read the first batch of replies but am surprised that everyone is assuming that a man gave it to a woman. It could be sent from a woman to a man as a way of saying that he's tight and goes out regularly but never takes her.

I'm a lone parent and regularly have battles over the heating so it would be funny if my kids gave me a card with a joke about house temperature. (I wouldn't turn it off because I'm going out but I feel like I'm always turning the heating down)

It's not funny and it makes me feel uncomfortable.

The woman asking if she's coming to the pub, as if she has no choice and is usually left to sit in on her own is just sad and depressing.

OP that's a completely different kettle of fish - if it's sent by someone who knows what's going on, then it's downright disrespectful and rude and obviously sent to upset you

Sounds like the in-law is taking a pop at your partner then or is letting you know they know maybe?

Take yourself over to relationships x

It would make me laugh. My DH and DD are typical tight arsed Yorkshire men who make you put a jumper on and have a blanket over you before the heating goes on so this would very much be an in-joke in my family. Most of us would find it very funny!

I have a good sense of humour but there is something nasty and quite frankly depressing about this card.

I am surprised how many people think it's fine. It quite clearly reads like an abusive relationship and I don't see what's funny about that. Maybe in the Royle family it was funny because of the warmth in their relationship giving it context. I am sorry it made you feel awful OP, and I hope you find the strength to leave.

Those who think the joke is about the typical male-female 'thermostat wars' are missing the point. The man is turning off the heating because he is leaving the house and will no longer need it on. His wife's comfort is completely irrelevant to him.

It's not satire, which would require some other level of humour beyond the joke itself.

I get it but don't find it funny. A bit poignant as I remember my Ex setting the heating to go off when he went to work and to come on again when he returned. I was at home with 2 very young children at the time.

This is why it's a shit joke and a shit card. Because this is something that actually happens, and it's abusive and awful. to you, and to the OP.

The context is everything OP, it's gone from lame joke to being hugely out of order. You can get a place in a refuge regardless of whether the abuse it physical or emotional etc, see below;

The 24hr freephone National Domestic Violence Helpline (run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge) is available on 0808 2000 247 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Be prepared to not get through immediately.
Have a pen and paper or something to write on.

Lines stolen from the Royal family,