to ask people to pay for their own drinks at my wedding?

[TheLastKingdom5]

We are having a small wedding in the summer with around 12-15 people.

Money is tight and we never wanted a big do - we don't really have many people we would want to invite in the first place, and the hought of spending thousands to be the centre of attention all day makes me shudder.

So we're having a registry office wedding, followed by a buffet lunch in a pub (£13 pp). We will obviously be paying for this, but drinks are not included - AIBU to ask people to buy their own drinks? We don't drink alcohol (I'll also be driving), but I know certain people in the party would literally take the piss, and drink a lot if it was an open bar.

That’s not unreasonable at all and if I was your guest I would be more than happy with that arrangement. Have a wonderful day.

I agree with other posters. You should provide a glass of fizz for the toast, and a welcome drink and some wine to go with the food. Will the pub let you bring your own if you pay corkage? I think a pay bar afterwards is fine as long as your guests are expecting it and it's not ludicrously expensive.

No one expects an open bar now but given you've so few guests providing some bottles of wine and a welcome drink would be nice

We had a small budget wedding. Fizz, wine on the table, and we put some money behind the bar for beer/cider and wine only, no spirits/shots. Was much more cost effective.

Everyone got rather merry and were happy to buy their own liquor...in fact drank the bar dry by the end of the night!

I undserstand you want to keep costs down and don’t drink yourself. Fair enough . Your small event at £13 pp will come on at less than £200.

There is a possibility of something between nothing and an open bar. Personally I’d consider if you can stretch to another £100 for a few drinks - even if the pub just provides a few jugs of soft drinks with the meal or a glass of wine per person. It would be nice to offer something.

I’d just consider what else you might be spending on your wedding and honeymoon and the fact guests will bring gifts and perhaps buy new outfits - perhaps in this context stretching to spending £20 per head in total might be possible and feel you are just offering a bit more to these people who are your guests - who presumably you want to feel welcome.

No prob with there being a cash bar for other drinks. You don’t have to provide all or nothing.

In the end you are hosting this event. You clearly don’t really want to and this could come across loud and clear, which to be honest probably isn’t the message to send.

Fair enough you are right for money and it’s not really your kind of thing. But you are doing it and hosting it, so I think you should consider if you can stretch to a little bit more generosity. If you absolutely can’t afford it, then okay, but if you can stretch to an extra £100 and provide a drink each, I think that would be good and appreciated by guests.

No problem at all. We had reception drinks and a toast. All other drinks were paid for by guests. Hope you have a lovely day!

We had small wedding and provided wine for the meal (1/2 bottle per head) but any other drinks had to be paid for.

Personally, I would provide a welcome drink, and a few of bottles of wine for the meal, but then make it clear that the bar is a cash bar.

Op, are you willing to consider paying for one drink or a few bottles for the table, given everyone’s comments? You can see you can provide something pretty limited rather than an open bar and everyone is saying an open bar isn’t needed at all.

In the end, most hosts want to make their guests feel welcome. People put themselves out to dress up and bring gifts and the host is usually keen to make them feel welcome. I do think one drink is part of that, given their effort to be there, unless you are keen to make a point that you’re hosting and don’t want to. Fair enough money is tight, and you’ve controlled this with a small event, but given you are hosting and have chosen a pub rather than a village hall etc, meaning the only drinks are available through the bar, I do think one drink is part of providing a meal. Beyond that no prob with cash bar. But zero drink provided seems mean, especially when if you are really stretched, you could get some jugs of soft drink or similar for less than £50.

As others have said speak to the pub about what you can get for another £100. Maybe one alcoholic and one soft drink pp?

I have been to a million weddings ( well it feels like it)and apart from a single drink for a toast every other drink I’ve paid for myself. It’s only on mn that I’ve heard of such a thing as a free bar.

We bought everyone their first drink so they had a drink token at their seat. And we supplied two bottles of wine per table and toast. Everything else was their own. No one minded! I think people expect to pay for their own - they told us we we generous lol. We had 50 at day time but there were about ten kids in that.

I wouldn’t mind at all.

Echoing other posters - a drink on arrival and for toasting would be better than nothing, I went to a wedding in a barn where we were warned it was a cash bar - no issue, I didn’t expect a free bar all night (didn’t offer that at my own wedding!) however the prices were like London prices despite it being at a barn No where near, and we weren’t given a single free drink. No arrival drink, nothing on the table and no drink for toasting. Soft drinks were extortionate - £3 for a half pint of cheap lemonade in a plastic cup. There was an awkward moment when during the speeches the father of the bride said ‘please raise your glasses...oh, most of you haven’t got glasses....’ CRINGE.

Sounds quite mean. Just put £100 behind the bar and people can pay for themselves after that.

Although I have to wonder at inviting people whom you say will take advantage. I wouldn’t have people like that as friends, let alone invite them to my wedding.

I would have no problem at all paying for my own drinks at what you’ve described, I’d even buy you a drink 😉

What I absolutely hate is when people have a much bigger fancier wedding than they can really afford and spend thousands on a dress and venue but expect their guests to subsidise their dream wedding by travelling hundreds of miles to buy their own drinks at an overpriced bar, pay over the odds for a hotel room to subsidise the cost of the venue, give them a cash gift and expect the bridal party to pay for their outfits etc.

Sounds quite mean. Just put £100 behind the bar and people can pay for themselves after that

that seems a random number plucked out of thin air!
How do you police someone gets a free drink out of that, then? You could have a few speedy people at hotel prices saying "gin and tonic, glass of fizzy, glass of wine for us thanks," and before you know it the 100 quid has barely gone far at all!
Definitely not enough to get your guests a drink each.

It’s only on mn that I’ve heard of such a thing as a free bar.
And is only on MN I’ve heard of a cash bar. Actually, I went to one wedding with a cash bar and we had to run to the cashpoint to get some money. It’s always a free bar at any wedding I’ve been to, absolutely unheard of to do any different.
That’s the beauty of so many different posters and their experiences

If it's only a small number I would certainly offer wine/drinks at table with buffet.

If they want further drinks then fair enough

Applesbananaspears I was thinking exactly that!

Applesbananasandpears, I'm not thinking exactly that at all.
Just shows, everyone's different.
I'm 40 cough something, been to lots of friends weddings over the years.
A paid bar there's only ever been one. The rest has been a glass of fizz on arrival, drink to toast, and a glass of wine with your dinner.
Rest get your own, perfectly normal.

Of you could stretch to it it would be nice to offer everyone a glass of something with the meal. Without any drink included at all it would seem a little stingy.

And is only on MN I’ve heard of a cash bar

Indeed. Don’t think I e ever been to a wedding where I’ve had to buy my own derinks.

Family weddings are always at home (we’re lucky the house can accommodate about 50 seated across various rooms or in a marquee in the garden) and we just buy in wine and champagne. We don’t run to gin or vodka. Just wine and soft drinks.

And if I’ve been to a wedding in a more public venue, ther’ve always been bottles on the table and a reasonable top up allowance. But I suppose I don’t know anyone who sees a wedding as a chance for a piss up.

Yabvu!! If you can’t afford to pay for drinks for 15 people, go to a registry office alone. In my opinion it is incredibly rude to invite people, you’ll probably accept money or gifts but you can’t pay for drinks? No, just no.

We did not provide wine on tables or welcome drinks or behind bar. The wedding coordinator at the venue advised us to do this. She said in her experience it doesn’t get drunk and we’d be paying unnecessarily (council owned venue). We only provided a glass of Prosecco for the toast. There was a cash bar which I made clear in the invite info. An outside caterer did a buffet. We also provided a tea urn with stuff for making teas and coffees. There were lots of children, some driving, some who dont drink. The drinks at the bar were reasonably priced. It was fine.