to ask people to pay for their own drinks at my wedding?

[TheLastKingdom5]

We are having a small wedding in the summer with around 12-15 people.

Money is tight and we never wanted a big do - we don't really have many people we would want to invite in the first place, and the hought of spending thousands to be the centre of attention all day makes me shudder.

So we're having a registry office wedding, followed by a buffet lunch in a pub (£13 pp). We will obviously be paying for this, but drinks are not included - AIBU to ask people to buy their own drinks? We don't drink alcohol (I'll also be driving), but I know certain people in the party would literally take the piss, and drink a lot if it was an open bar.

[Dungeondragon15]

If you can't afford even a couple of drinks then arguably you shouldn't bother having an event after the wedding at all. Guests will have put themselves out and probably paid for a present, clothes, transport and possibly accommodation to attend so the least you could do is provide some drink as well as food. That doesn't mean an open bar but at least a couple of bottles of wine on each table or drink on arrival/toast.

[OwlBeThere]

It’s not mean if you don’t have the money though!

[purplepears]

Definitely put a few bottles of wine on the table. You're only paying £13 a head after all.
It seems pretty mean, to me, to not do that, at least. Not very celebratory.

[OwlBeThere]

It’s totally fine not to include drinks particularly if you aren’t drinkers yourselves. Maybe a glass of bubbly each for a toast if you want but I really wouldn’t be put out as guest if there was no drink inc.
I hope you have a lovely day!

[OneStepSideways]

I think a pay bar is fine provided you pay for wine to go with the meal (I'd calculate it at 2 glasses per person, anything else looks tight!)

[Designerenvy]

I think you should offer one drink of choice to each guest, if you can stretch to that. Have it for a toast . It would be a nice gesture if you could.

[Kisskiss]

If you specify upfront, then it should be ok. If you can afford it though, it would be nice to offer at least one or two welcome drinks per guest... and I think if you expect people to pay for their drinks then you should definitely not accept gifts/money.. looks weird

[MissDaisy18]

Never been to a wedding with a free bar. I think some wine with the meal and /or a glass of fizz. I always take a hip flask to weddings anyway to avoid exorbitant bar charges haha.

[WombatChocolate]

I agree that if you can only contribute a small amount to drinks, the behind the bar isn't the right way to do it, especially if concerned that one or two people are rather greedy and it will be gone within 10 mins without everyone getting a drink.

If only 10-15 people are coming, it's effectively a large round, to buy one drink each. Doesn't seem a big push or extreme generosity to buy your guests one drink each. If you really begrudge them that, then I wonder if you should bother with an event at all. Hosting can be cheap, but it will always involve some cost. The meal is already under £200 for everyone, so another £100 (and for the person who queried that figure - it's simply a round figure as a possible guide) still means it's very cheap. Is it a question of not having £300 or not wanting to spend it on these people? It does make me wonder if it's the right time to be hosting an event for you or if you'd be better doing it alone if you really don't want to buy these people a meal and a drink in the pub.

You could do a voucher per seat for a soft drink or glass of House white or red, if you want to do one drink per person and prevent anyone ordering a really expensive drink. You could do pitchers of Buck's Fizz or Pimms and soft drinks. You could ask the pub staff to come round and serve a glass of wine per head with the meal. There are plenty of ways to stick to a budget and ensure everyone gets something. I thoug having to provide nothing or do a full free bar.

Those saying they have never paid for drinks at weddings - well that might be the case, but can't you see that OP's scenario is different and she specifically has a tight budget and just 10-15 people coming for a £13 meal - that's clearly a world away from a marquee in your big garden and full catering provided. I'm amazed that people can have so little empathy and awareness of the differences in people's situations to suggest that it's either a free bar all day and night or you shouldn't host at all. Do people have zero appreciation of people being in different circumstances??

Anyway, is Op coming back to say what she thinks of all the suggestions? Most don't think a free bar is needed. Most think she should stretch to providing some form of limited liquid refreshment. Op, what do you now think, having asked?

[sailorsdelight]

We had champagne, wine and beer at the afternoon meal bit, and a paid for bar at the evening do. No one seem fussed. They were all invited to both parts, and we feed them all twice just couldn't afford a massive bar tab! Pretty casual do too.

[flowery]

You don’t need an open bar but providing nothing when you’re only paying £13pp and only having 12-15 people looks very tight tbh.

[OrangePot]

I have no issue with buying my own drinks - but then I don't drink alcohol and never benefit from complimentary fizzy or table wine.
I'd agree that offering a toasting drink or 'first drink free' is generous enough.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Sounds quite mean. Just put £100 behind the bar and people can pay for themselves after that

Having been to a party where a certain amount was put behind the bar I think it's an awful idea. Certain people kept going back and ordering doubles and the rest of us didn't get anything. I think it's got to be all or nothing.

[DizziLizzy]

At my small wedding we offered Buck's Fizz or orange juice on arrival. Wine for the table (1/2 bottle per person) and glass of fizz for the toast. £500 behind the bar and then buy your own.

I have never been to a wedding with an open bar. It's either cash or an amount behind the bar. Obviously the amount can be adjusted to suit a budget.

Provide something as it's bad form otherwise. As PP said your guests will be spending more money than you, not on!

[Wallywobbles]

As long as everyone knows what to expect not a problem.

[VioletBedframe]

We did not provide wine on tables or welcome drinks or behind bar. The wedding coordinator at the venue advised us to do this. She said in her experience it doesn’t get drunk and we’d be paying unnecessarily (council owned venue). We only provided a glass of Prosecco for the toast. There was a cash bar which I made clear in the invite info. An outside caterer did a buffet. We also provided a tea urn with stuff for making teas and coffees. There were lots of children, some driving, some who dont drink. The drinks at the bar were reasonably priced. It was fine.

[YeahNah1980]

Yabvu!! If you can’t afford to pay for drinks for 15 people, go to a registry office alone. In my opinion it is incredibly rude to invite people, you’ll probably accept money or gifts but you can’t pay for drinks? No, just no.

[CatandtheFiddle]

And is only on MN I’ve heard of a cash bar

Indeed. Don’t think I e ever been to a wedding where I’ve had to buy my own derinks.

Family weddings are always at home (we’re lucky the house can accommodate about 50 seated across various rooms or in a marquee in the garden) and we just buy in wine and champagne. We don’t run to gin or vodka. Just wine and soft drinks.

And if I’ve been to a wedding in a more public venue, ther’ve always been bottles on the table and a reasonable top up allowance. But I suppose I don’t know anyone who sees a wedding as a chance for a piss up.

[IfOnlyTheyCouldTalk]

Of you could stretch to it it would be nice to offer everyone a glass of something with the meal. Without any drink included at all it would seem a little stingy.

[LimeKiwi]

Applesbananasandpears, I'm not thinking exactly that at all.
Just shows, everyone's different.
I'm 40 cough something, been to lots of friends weddings over the years.
A paid bar there's only ever been one. The rest has been a glass of fizz on arrival, drink to toast, and a glass of wine with your dinner.
Rest get your own, perfectly normal.

[LaBelleSauvage]

Applesbananaspears I was thinking exactly that!

[MarthasGinYard]

If it's only a small number I would certainly offer wine/drinks at table with buffet.

If they want further drinks then fair enough

[Applesbananaspears]

It’s only on mn that I’ve heard of such a thing as a free bar.
And is only on MN I’ve heard of a cash bar. Actually, I went to one wedding with a cash bar and we had to run to the cashpoint to get some money. It’s always a free bar at any wedding I’ve been to, absolutely unheard of to do any different.
That’s the beauty of so many different posters and their experiences

[LimeKiwi]

Sounds quite mean. Just put £100 behind the bar and people can pay for themselves after that

that seems a random number plucked out of thin air!
How do you police someone gets a free drink out of that, then? You could have a few speedy people at hotel prices saying "gin and tonic, glass of fizzy, glass of wine for us thanks," and before you know it the 100 quid has barely gone far at all!
Definitely not enough to get your guests a drink each.

[GuineaPiglet345]

I would have no problem at all paying for my own drinks at what you’ve described, I’d even buy you a drink 😉

What I absolutely hate is when people have a much bigger fancier wedding than they can really afford and spend thousands on a dress and venue but expect their guests to subsidise their dream wedding by travelling hundreds of miles to buy their own drinks at an overpriced bar, pay over the odds for a hotel room to subsidise the cost of the venue, give them a cash gift and expect the bridal party to pay for their outfits etc.