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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask people to pay for their own drinks at my wedding?

140 replies

TheLastKingdom5 · 17/03/2019 15:30

We are having a small wedding in the summer with around 12-15 people.

Money is tight and we never wanted a big do - we don't really have many people we would want to invite in the first place, and the hought of spending thousands to be the centre of attention all day makes me shudder.

So we're having a registry office wedding, followed by a buffet lunch in a pub (£13 pp). We will obviously be paying for this, but drinks are not included - AIBU to ask people to buy their own drinks? We don't drink alcohol (I'll also be driving), but I know certain people in the party would literally take the piss, and drink a lot if it was an open bar.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 17/03/2019 16:14

I also think you need to spend some money on the drinks. 3 bottles of fizz, some orange juice or similar for the non alcohol drinkers plus around 6 bottles of wine. Also provide bottles water on the table. £200 perhaps? It would be very unusual to have no drinks provided.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t drink alcohol. Others do and as their hosts you should ensure they feel comfortable.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 17/03/2019 16:18

I doubt the pub will be happy if you tell people to bring their own drinks. Make it clear that there will be a cash bar though, and as everyone else has said provide for at least one drink pp with the buffet.

givemesteel · 17/03/2019 16:19

Agree with pp, I've been to weddings where post dinner drinks are cash bar but never to a wedding where there's no fizz/bucks fizz reception then some bottles of wine on the table.

Can you come to an arrangement with the pub where you byo from a supermarket and just pay corkage?

But even paying pub prices with only 15 people I don't think this would add more than £150 to the cost of the day but make a big difference to how people remember the say.

coffeeismyspinach · 17/03/2019 16:19

Sorry but I think you need to provide at least a welcome drink and a drink for the toast.

I went to a wedding once where we had to pay about £50/head in advance for the meal, plus all the drinks once we got there. Needless to say, many people declined the invitation.

That's so tacky and rude! I'd have definitely declined, I can see why people did. The only shame is how greedy and cheap that bride and groom were. Bet they expected gifts, too. What a con.

Inertia · 17/03/2019 16:21

I think you need to provide a couple of bottles of sparkling wine for toasting, and perhaps 7 or 8 bottles of wine that you've pre-ordered with the pub (or agreed corkage for) which would give you over half a bottle per person.

I think you should also set aside a small budget behind the bar for soft drinks/teas/ coffees, as it's a daytime event.

You could probably do the above for £100, depending on what deal you can strike with the pub, and I think it'd then be more than reasonable to expect guests to pay for any drinks beyond that. It'd be money well spent to stop you looking inhospitable.

AlpacaLypse · 17/03/2019 16:21

I don't think I've been offered free drinks all day and night at more than two or three of the many many weddings I've attended - and now that I'm reaching granny generation that's a lot of weddings! A Bucks Fizz or similar on arrival at the reception bit, and fizz for the toasts - either prosecco or appletize depending on guest's choice and needs. Needn't cost you a fortune.

Babygrey7 · 17/03/2019 16:22

open bar is not necessary

But no drinks at all is just a bit mean, I'd be a bit Hmm about that

As a guest you make the effort to come, dress nicely, buy a gift, and then you have to pay for your own drinks?! Come on

Babygrey7 · 17/03/2019 16:23

put some bottles on the table

dustarr73 · 17/03/2019 16:23

@TheLastKingdom5 You need to have a welcome drink,some soft drinks and a couple bottles of wine.Whether you drink is neither here nor there

Jaxhog · 17/03/2019 16:23

A glass of wine/fruit juice to make toasts is all that is required. A nice glass of bubbles on arrival is good too (and probably expected). Iced tap water in a jug is fine. No need to buy overpriced fizzy water.

You don't need to provide an open bar. This is your wedding, not their piss up.

BlueMerchant · 17/03/2019 16:24

Agree that you need wine and bottles of water for the table and a few bottles of fizz for the toast.

pilates · 17/03/2019 16:24

I think you need to arrange at least a welcome drink and then after that they sort themselves out if money is tight.

Dungeondragon15 · 17/03/2019 16:26

I don't think open bars are the norm but as others have said, usually a drink on arrival or a couple of bottles of wine on each table. If there are only 15 people that would be about four bottles so not a huge cost.

Jaxhog · 17/03/2019 16:27

I am amazed at the amount of wine some people are suggesting! Not everyone will drink a half a bottle of wine. I wouldn't. One good sized glass is plenty.

MadAboutWands · 17/03/2019 16:27

i would offer a welcom drink/a glass of bubbly and tell people up front that they will have to pay for their drinks.Not so different than an evening do where people pay at the bar.

dreichuplands · 17/03/2019 16:28

You don't need an open bar but you do need to provide one alcoholic drink and soft drinks. This is the number of people you might had round to a party at your house and you would provide something to drink in that case.

Dungeondragon15 · 17/03/2019 16:28

I am amazed at the amount of wine some people are suggesting! Not everyone will drink a half a bottle of wine.

No they won't all drink half a bottle. Some people will drink more and some less. All the weddings I have been to provide about that amount so really not "amazing".Hmm

beanaseireann · 17/03/2019 16:29

I agree - a welcome drink of bubbly - Prosecco etc or soft drinks on arrival and a couple of bottles of wine on the tables would be hospitable. Otherwise it's a bit mean tbh - but I'm Irish Smile

Dungeondragon15 · 17/03/2019 16:29

One good sized glass is plenty.

Even a "good sized glass" is a third of a bottle btw.

ValleyoftheHorses · 17/03/2019 16:30

I would do a welcome drink and some wine for the table, maybe some sparkling wine for a toast as well. If people want spirits or excess they can buy it themselves but it looks more generous and shouldn’t break the bank for that many?
I would do water for the table but jugs of tap water is fine.

TwoBlueFish · 17/03/2019 16:35

My wedding was the same as yours. We aid for the lunch and everyone paid for their own drinks. We went back to our house afterwards and had champagne, beer, wine etc that we provided. Was a lovely day and nobody has ever commented on the fact that they had to buy their own drinks.

Fuppy · 17/03/2019 16:37

If 12 guests, 12 glasses of fizz at one end of the buffet, and a pitcher or two of orange juice (with spare glasses/cups) I think that's fair and should be relatively inexpensive.

Hollowvictory · 17/03/2019 16:43

Rather a parsimonious vibe, meagre food and no drink isn't seeming very celebratory

themoomoo · 17/03/2019 16:48

nobody has ever commented on the fact that they had to buy their own drinks
well they wouldn't would they. But I would think you were tight for not buying even one drink

justmyview · 17/03/2019 16:49

........nobody has ever commented on the fact that they had to buy their own drinks

Well I wouldn't expect them to complain to your face! The fact they didn't complain to you doesn't tell you how they felt about it